1801 Clark Is The Simpsons‘s Hometown Of Springfield But For Murder
There is a horror/thriller coming out at the end of May called The Strangers. It’s a combination of Halloween and Funny Games. Also, Scott Speedman. You can watch the trailer here, and take particular note of your favorite forest sprite at the 1:14 mark. Newsom is the new black, goes with anything.
In addition to being a floppy sack mask (the spookiest type of mask if you didn’t know) thriller, The Strangers has a weird Blair Witch component to it, insofar as it’s being advertised as a story based on real events, namely “the horrifying events that took place in the Hoyt family’s vacation home at 1801 Clark Road on February 11, 2005.” But if you do an actual google search for Hoyt family, or Hoyt family Clark Road, all you get are a bunch of Yahoo! message boards about how if you google search for Hoyt family all you get are a bunch of Yahoo! message boards, and the circle will not be unbroken.
So, I did a little research of my own, using Google Maps. There are ten instances of 1801 Clark Road in the United States.
1801 Clark Road, Oroville, California:
Nah. This is secluded enough, but I don’t think this movie takes place in California. There’s something decidedly un-sunny about it. If you’re going to set a horror movie in California, you set it in a hot tub dressed in a bikini, not some cabin in the woods.
1801 Clark Road, Gary, Indiana:
Haha, but no. Gary, Indiana is a horror documentary.
1801 Clark Road, Granville, Kansas:
Setting it in Kansas could lend the movie its In Cold Blood realism, but if you watch the trailer, they’re definitely in a woodsy area, and this looks more like a granary.
1801 Clark Road, Inman, South Carolina:
Again, no. Look at that highway? You are thinking of this horror movie.
1801 Clark Road, Lapeer, Michigan:
You know, this one looks like it’s in too crowded of an area at first. So many neighbors’ houses to run to for shelter. But I dug a little deeper, and look how close Jill’s Costume Rental is! Jills Costume Rental, of course, is Lapeer, Michigan’s premiere merchandiser of creepy sack masks and generic Betty Boop rip-off masks.
So far it’s Lapeer for the win.
1801 Clark Road, Mercedes, Texas:
1801 Clark Road, Plantersville, Texas:
1801 Clark Road, Prescott, Michigan:
Why is the satellite photo blurred out? Remember when they did that for Dick Cheney? Mightn’t they have also done it for a make believe murder invented to help advertise a middle-of-the-road horror movie recycling old tropes of bourgeois home owner anxiety? MAYBE!
1801 Clark Road, Campti, Louisiana:
This movie does not take place in Louisiana.
1801 Clark Road, Williamsburg, Kansas:
Again with the Kansas. And the blurriness. Certainly suspicious, but the closest costume rental location is 38 miles away, and I don’t really think the killers put a lot of thought into it (They use an axe, for Christ’s sake. How pedestrian.) No, it was definitely Lapeer, Michigan. They did it. True storayyyyy.