John Mayer, Finally, Does Stand-Up Comedy

Scott Lapatine | June 26, 2006 - 1:38 pm

I know you were so upset when John Mayer cancelled his appearance at Comedy Cellar earlier this month. Well, turns out Johnny made good on his promise and did a surprise set at the club Friday night. Blogger Jason Pinter was unimpressed:

Mayer gets on stage. He’s wearing a unibomber sweatshirt, and has long, scraggly hair. He’s pretty tall and skinny. He’s pacing around stage, leaning on the walls, slurring his words. It’s pretty obvious the guy’s drunk or stoned, maybe both. And he proceeds to give the most awkward, offensive, unfunny 15 minute comedy act I’ve ever seen. And I’ve been to amateur night. This was way worse. Mayer must have been the lucky recipient of some sort of Comedy Affirmative Action program.

Anyway, here’s what we learned during John Mayer’s rambling, disjointed “stand up”:

1) Women are sluts (If you’re expecting a punchline here…so were we. Didn’t come.)
2) Lots of sluts have “unlocked their Masterlock” for him. Ew.
3) New Yorkers aren’t really bothered much by terrorism. Cause there’s like “Missiles and shit” constantly being launched at us and we’re used to it. Um…right. Might want to quit while you’re behind, John.
4) He lives up on a hill “away from the black people.” (Danger, Will Robinson, danger)
5) If white people were allowed to use the ‘N’ word, he would use it about 1,000 times a day. And yes, Mayer did use the ‘N’ word during his act. Several times.

It was so bad, that the comedians following Mayer made fun of him. Not just “tee hee” kind of ribbing, but, “Can you believe that guy can hold a job” kind of ribbing. Now comedians are always ripping on each other in jest (one night I actually ended up drinking with Dave Attell at about 4 a.m., and learned that comedians are about the tightest group of people you could ever meet). But these guys were letting Mayer have it for imposing on their stage. Kevin Brennan, who had the good fortune of following Mayer (with the laugh-starved audience thankful to once again hear funny material), said, “Man, this is the best reception I’ve ever had. I want John Mayer to open for me every night.”

When his set ended, John Mayer left by saying, “Ok, I’m off to write more songs.”

Link via Gawker, who has also unearthed evidence that Rivers Cuomo shouldn’t try stand-up either.

UPDATE: Sherrod Small Calls Bullshit

“This is ridiculous. The guy took John’s words and turned them around. It wasn’t insensitve. Money, he used the N word once at the end of the show when he was talking about his Dave Chappelle appearance and how people come up to him and say ‘give me a pound, nigga.’ Nobody was offended. Everybody loved it.”

Speaking of King Dave, Chappelle Show co-writer Neal Brennan tells Maxim a crew member’s hard laugh during a racially insensitive skit might have caused Chappelle to fly off the handle.

“Well, this particular crew member had a condescending laugh- but that’s just the way he laughs. But, yeah, that was Dave’s feeling, and you can’t change someone’s feeling. … What happened in the last year is the weirdest thing I can remember happening in TV, movies, or music. There’s no parallel. These lost episodes are the weirdest thing since Geraldo opened Al Capone’s vault. The audience likes them. The crew likes them. One of the people who wrote them likes them. But the guy who’s in them somehow didn’t. I don’t know what to make of it.”

Would Brennan ever work with Chappelle again?

“No. There’s no chance.”

And we thought the Friars were bitchy!

Tags: John Mayer