[First, can I say that Stereogum fucking loves Juliana Hatfield? Also, buy the new Some Girls.]

By Juliana Hatfield
The Weekly Dig Issue 8.34
Wed, August 23, 2006
A little background: Several weeks ago, Dig music writer Debbie Driscoll wrote a review of the new Soul Asylum CD, which, among other things, playfully suggested the band should die for what they?ve done to music. This occasioned an angry letter from local rock legend Juliana Hatfield, who assailed the review for being ?not punk rock.? This, as these things are bound to do, occasioned another letter by one Kevin Dean, in which he offered the following: ?Wishing death (or at least a hair-washing) upon Soul Asylum: not punk rock. Losing your virginity to Evan Dando: totally fucking punk rock.?

In the interest of ending this spat, which has quickly spiraled out of control (and also because it?s running too long for our Letters page), we?ve decided to publish Ms. Hatfield?s response as a Soapbox.

***

Kevin Dean,

A. Who told you I lost my virginity to Evan Dando?

B. Why do you care?

As a matter of fact, I didn?t lose my virginity to Evan Dando. (Not that it?s any of your business, you perv.) You are not the first, however, to have made this assumption, so I guess I forgive you. There are, sadly, a lot of punk rockers out there who apparently have nothing better to do with their very limited brain space than to speculate about people they?ve never met and come to erroneous conclusions about them, and thereby think nasty things about them (and even sometimes wish for their deaths).

We?ve never met, have we? I?m pretty sure we haven?t. ?Kevin Dean? doesn?t ring a bell. I can say with 99 percent certainty that I don?t know you and you don?t know me. So, what the hell? What is your beef with me, exactly? You didn?t like what I said in my letter to the editor? That?s fine. I can understand that. But why drag Evan, and my and his fabled?FABLED?sex life into it?

There are people who do know me?in real life as opposed to make-believe?who will confirm that, to the best of their knowledge, I do indeed belong to a distinguished, though probably small, group of girls who can claim the distinction of having said no to going all the way with Evan Dando. Or you could just go straight to the horse?s mouth and ask Evan?he?ll tell you.

It pains me to have to talk about such personal stuff in this public forum (I?ve never actually stated these technical facts about Evan and my supposed sexual life and ?relationship? on the record, until this very moment), but it will hurt me even more, Kevin Dean, to let you get away with using such a groundless, baseless, truthless, LAME argument to take your pitiful shot at me.

Besides, I?ve always been kind of proud of the fact that I didn?t succumb to any outside pressure, ever, to indulge in sexual intercourse, or blowjobs or anything?with the handsome, charming Evan Dando, or anyone else?until I was good and ready. You can?t take that away from me, Kevin Dean. And that is why I am setting the record straight: so you and all the other sorry-ass, lie-spreading, rumour- and hatemongering, Dig-reading shit-for-brains out there will shut up about all the stuff you know nothing about.

And so, in summation, just to be clear, because I sense the subject is pretty important to you?important enough for you to write a letter to the editor?and I really want you to not have to worry about it anymore: Evan and I never did it. Never! Got it? Now can we please just put this ancient subject to bed? Go and pick on someone who deserves it, like the person who wrote the ill-conceived Soul Asylum review in question.

Sincerely,
Juliana Hatfield

PS: For your information, I lost my virginity to Spike Jonze. I?m totally serious.

Comments (37)
  1. j bones  |   Posted on Aug 23rd, 2006 0

    remember when she was on “my so called life.” she was a homeless ghost. shit was tight.

  2. clashed  |   Posted on Aug 23rd, 2006 0

    never heard the Juliana Hatfield rumor, but did hear the 20-something (28) Evan Dando “deflowering” young Bijou Phillips

    for you youngsters
    1990s Bijou = 2000s Paris Hilton
    1990s Evan Dando = 2000s John Karr

  3. T.S.  |   Posted on Aug 23rd, 2006 0

    As cute as she may be, I couldn’t care less about who did or did not deflower J.H. On the other hand, anyone who refers to Soul Asylum as PUNK is either confused or clueless. What’s next? J.H. is gonna say Evan Dando is punk? Maybe he should join SOUL Asylum.
    P.S. Way to go Spike!

  4. Go Juliana!

    And Spike Jonze? Nice. All girls should be so lucky as to lose their virginity to a cute skater boy.

    What’s with all the “beefs” flying around lately? Is there some sort of crazy in the air? Or is the Internet just making beefs more widely known and easier to stir up?

  5. Courtney  |   Posted on Aug 23rd, 2006 0

    Oh my god I love her even more. Pretty sure I saw her at the fellow former Fort Apache friends Hooray For Earth listening party last night…should have asked her about Spike!!

  6. Gabi  |   Posted on Aug 23rd, 2006 -1

    Who the F#@* is Evan Dando?

  7. I saw that letter from Juliana in the recent issue of the Dig while caffeinating myself over breakfast. This is awesome.

  8. clashed  |   Posted on Aug 23rd, 2006 0

    T.S. … like most of us in our mid-30s ; its hard to look at the current version and say “they used to be punk?” but the first 2-3 Soul Asylum records were punky underground college rock … blame Kurt Cobain for Soul Asylum getting on MTV

    huzzah! for Soul Asylum for still pluggin away even thought nobody cares anymore

  9. isn’t there already a band called some girls? i am confused. juliana hatfield doing post-hardcore. crazy.

  10. I think a collab between East Coast and West Coast Some Girls is in order. That would be surreal.

  11. i used to have a zine that Kathleen Hanna used to sell at Bikini Kill shows- i picked it up at Gliman St. in berkeley- anyway, it was called “why i hate evan dando” and basically talked about how juliana hatfield stole evan dando from her… wonder if it’s online?

  12. sorry- one other thing- “Some Girls” is also the name of a band on epitaph records from San Diego. Some one should tell one of the bands about the other before this goes much further…

  13. Greg  |   Posted on Aug 23rd, 2006 0

    I think both bands are aware of the other and just don’t care. The Epitaph Some Girls has been around for quite a while, put out a bunch of records on Deathwish and are ex members of American Nightmare and the Locust.

    Also, Juliana Hatfield was the bomb on Pete and Pete . I’ll come find her in Iowa. . . Hottest Lunch Lady ever.

  14. Greg  |   Posted on Aug 23rd, 2006 0

    I think both bands are aware of the other and just don’t care. The Epitaph Some Girls has been around for quite a while, put out a bunch of records on Deathwish and are ex members of American Nightmare and the Locust.

    Also, Juliana Hatfield was the bomb on Pete and Pete . I’ll come find her in Iowa. . . Hottest Lunch Lady ever.

  15. Greg  |   Posted on Aug 23rd, 2006 0

    I think both bands are aware of the other and just don’t care. The Epitaph Some Girls has been around for quite a while, put out a bunch of records on Deathwish and are ex members of American Nightmare and the Locust.

    Also, Juliana Hatfield was the bomb on Pete and Pete . I’ll come find her in Iowa. . . Hottest Lunch Lady ever.

  16. the epitaph some girls also have one of the guys from plot to blow up the eiffel tower- maybe there can be a mediation at the slits show- which punk rock juliana will undoubtably attend- and plot will perform at…

  17. lolz  |   Posted on Aug 23rd, 2006 0

    oh my. spike jonze? hahaha. that’s pretty hot news. i love juliana. i love that she’s all like a bitch now. not a little girl anymore.
    and for those who ask who evan dando is, bitch please. what are you?!! ten?

  18. Some Girls is awesome and I’m excited about the new album. “Necessito” was a criminally overlooked track.

  19. collin  |   Posted on Aug 23rd, 2006 0

    i was so obsessed with juliana hatfield in highschool
    my then girlfriend broke up with me …

    awesome!!!

  20. collin  |   Posted on Aug 23rd, 2006 0

    i was so obsessed with juliana hatfield in highschool
    my then girlfriend broke up with me …

    awesome!!!

  21. sasefina  |   Posted on Aug 23rd, 2006 0

    Hey! I remember that zine! I bought it too.

    p.s. I am way too fucking old to be reading this blog. God help me.

  22. Jeff  |   Posted on Aug 23rd, 2006 0

    Not to be the PROTECTOR of Mr. Dando’s musical stylings, but he (and the Lemonheads) actually had a decent “punk” moment with “Hate Your Friends.” Edged, poppy, loud, and quick, it had many of the smae elements that are part and parcel of punk. All of that said, “It’s A Shame About Ray” was a tremendous power pop album.

  23. geoff.  |   Posted on Aug 24th, 2006 -1

    Evan Dando wasn’t worth writing about in the 90′s. Why are you people still so enamoured with him? Is there anyone more boring?

    (I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that he took Ben Lee’s virginity, though… That always seemed a bit iffy.)

  24. flappppppppa  |   Posted on Aug 26th, 2006 0

    what is punk rock? throwing rocks through windows? doing what you want? making good music? not caring? wearing all black? being wasted out of your skull for twelve years?

    I met the lemonheads on the subway going to a bad brains show at the channel (boston) on martin luther king day in 1987 (furiously excellent show) (I too am too old to be reading this or to caring). I was extra stoned and they were nice enough. To me that is punk rock. The show went later than the subway ran (stupid boston) and I walked an hour and a half home in the cold, cause I couldn’t afford a cab. That might be punk rock.

  25. Ian R  |   Posted on Aug 28th, 2006 0

    I just wanted to say, in a public forum, that Juliana Hatfield completely shaped my musical education, via Blake Babies and then her solo stuff, more than any other artist ever. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I only wish she still played bass — nobody plays bass like Juliana Hatfield. Except for me, biting off her style all through high school and college (now I just play clarinet).

  26. sid  |   Posted on Sep 22nd, 2006 0

    Evan Dando did take Bijou pHillips virginity
    the dude has a demo unreleased demo song about
    with back ground voice of a girl going im only
    16 and evan daddy says your to young but your 0old enough for me then he start laughing
    songs called somthing like lost love at rehab
    its a cool song

  27. sid  |   Posted on Sep 22nd, 2006 0

    No that rehab lover
    also he digs at bijou phillips
    liv tyler some of the lyrics go
    Cmon daddy
    I took your girland her sweet emotion
    left her high and goes hey I married now but Hey bijou call me

  28. sid  |   Posted on Sep 22nd, 2006 0

    AND who ever said that evan dando wasnt punk
    U cant help it you have no clue
    evan dando kills

  29. miller  |   Posted on Sep 22nd, 2006 0

    rehab love is a cool song I dont think was ever meant to be heard by the public
    It was a spoof and some how made its way onto the innernet
    I have heard the song I think it kills but he could get sued but the song was never meant for the public so thye would not have a case

  30. miller  |   Posted on Sep 22nd, 2006 0

    rehab love is a cool song I dont think was ever meant to be heard by the public
    It was a spoof and some how made its way onto the innernet
    I have heard the song I think it kills but he could get sued but the song was never meant for the public so thye would not have a case

  31. Matt  |   Posted on Nov 29th, 2006 0

    Would that it were Evan Dando. Spike Jonze? Puke! It completely ruins Hatfield’s music for me. I won’t even watch the episode of The Adventures of Pete and Pete with her in it anymore.

  32. this crap (people’s inane responses ) is proof to me that the internet is ruining humanity. I turn 35 on December the 20th 2012, when I awake with my inherited demonic powers the next day most of you will die instantly, some a slow painful death, a select few will be allowed to live.

    Can’t anyone see that music journalist will say anything to get printed?????

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