Sep 6th '06 by Scott @ 12:25pm 12 Comments

1. ?Be really careful with me on the phone. Distance makes the brain grow more maniacal.?

2. ?Twenty-four-hour phone-sex assistance. If there?s a cute girl in the front row, I?m gonna run offstage and call you.?

3. ?You have to run every single fantasy you?ve ever had through me. You?ll never cheat. You see a cute guy at the gym, I?ll be him. Or we?ll get him. I don?t care.?

Via Rolling Stone, which asks: Which rule did Jessica break?

RELATED WTF: ALIFE made a limited-edition John Mayer shirt? Available only at the Long Island tour stop!

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Comments (12)
  1. Tony G  |   Posted on Sep 6th, 2006

    Jessica Simpson must have found out that John Mayer was gay the minute he tried to put his 2 inch cock in her ass.

    Reply
  2. donnarino  |   Posted on Sep 6th, 2006

    that’s two more than you have Tony

    Reply
  3. Jack  |   Posted on Sep 6th, 2006

    I seriously thought jon mayer was out of the closet… no joke. I thought Jessica Simpson was bangin Dane Cook? She’s kindof a whore though.

    Reply
  4. Jack  |   Posted on Sep 6th, 2006

    Oh, and by whore I meant “sexually liberated”.

    Reply
  5. donnarino  |   Posted on Sep 6th, 2006

    what’s wrong with being who you are? If I had a bod like hers I’d be sharing it

    Reply
  6. G  |   Posted on Sep 6th, 2006

    Scott, when are you going to stop running that Ben Lee ad to the right? That jerky GIF is downright depressing. Poor, desperate Ben’s record company. “Remember how you heard his song on that Dell commercial? Wasn’t that awesome???”

    Reply
  7. chaz  |   Posted on Sep 6th, 2006

    Don’t support ALIFE’s ridiculous hypexclusivity.

    Reply
  8. Dav!d  |   Posted on Sep 6th, 2006

    Are we just glossing over the fact that it sounds like he’s offering to have a three-way with a guy at the gym? Did no on else see that?

    You see a cute guy at the gym, I?ll be him. Or we?ll get him. I don?t care.?

    What?!

    !d

    Reply
  9. tobias funke  |   Posted on Sep 6th, 2006

    he is disgusting. reading this made me nauseous. what a creep.

    Reply
  10. Memememe  |   Posted on Sep 6th, 2006

    So Jessica Simpson’s body wasn’t a wonderland. I for one am not surprised.

    Reply
  11. fussy  |   Posted on Sep 7th, 2006

    A threesome with John Mayer and the hot dude at my gym. If you don’t want that Jess, I’ll take it!

    Reply
  12. paul  |   Posted on Feb 12th, 2007

    John Mayer said in that same Rolling Stone article that he’s not gay because he wasn’t turned on by a Playgirl he bought. Dude, I’m the biggest homo you ever met, and *I’m* not turned on by Playgirl. Playgirl is the most boring ass porn you ever saw.

    Straight guys, however, do not buy Playgirl. I’m just saying, as a general rule.

    Reply

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