It tends to be a pretty good time when The Smoking Gun unearths these rocker tour riders. Mostly because we get to laugh at musicians’ uncensored, exorbitant, diva-like demands and feel pretty good that we’re nowhere near that silly as we wash down Cheetos with swigs of our Big Gulps at our sweet cubicles in offices where people never remember our names. HOWEVER today I’m not really going to throw stones, at least not in Maya Arulpragasam’s direction. For one, the lady is pregnant and I don’t believe in hurling rocks at women while they’re pregnant because I’m a total gentleman. But also, TSG’s making a big deal about M.I.A.’s detailed cheese requests? Because she wants “cave-aged gruyere”? You’re stretching, TSGun. Nobody really cares what I eat, but if that was my rider, the cheese list would be frighteningly full of polysyllabic fromage with stipulations that it smell like baby diapers and basically I’d be written off as a cheese freak and the laughing stock of the rider-analysis circuit. “Cave aged” is nothing. Besides, this is her 2008 rider so she was probably eating for two and what fetus wouldn’t enjoy the earthy, rich flavor of a nice gruyere? Oh but “12 cans of Coke (no Pepsi)”? Figures. Diva.

You can scan Maya’s here. It’s only two pages so that’s a good sign of overall down-to-earthedness. Rihanna’s working with a four-pager, so beware Chris Brown. Also there’s Rage Against The Machine’s, which demand socks, underwear, and that “WE MUST HAVE HEALTHY AND WELL BALANCED MEALS.” The caps lock makes it radical.

Comments (39)
  1. I for one would like to know what exotic cheeses would be on Amrit’s rider.

    • Fromunda cheese?

    • Oh, so many. I’d say Wildspitz Bio (cow with a little goat) would be at the top of the list. It’s good with everything and not particularly offensive. Holzhofer is my second fave. Fricalin and Gubbeen are nice too, both semisoft. Ardrahan (super soft) is the one that would stink up the room. Vacherin Fribourg would be good for mixed company, Taleggio is a hit with most, and some sort of aged cheddar (maybe Montgomery Cheddar) for the less adventurous.

      Scott we should go cheese shopping some time. Or launch that cheese blog.

  2. Chadams  |   Posted on Nov 10th, 2008 0

    M.I.A.’s rider: gold balls. Love it.

  3. george  |   Posted on Nov 10th, 2008 0

    i agree. cheese is a touchy and personal subject and one should not be ridiculed for taking it seriously.

  4. gyo  |   Posted on Nov 10th, 2008 0

    hey didn’t rage have that one song, how’d it go, “we must have healthy and well balanced meals, we must have healthy and well balanced meals, we must have healthy and well balanced meals, we must have healthy and well balanced meals, WE MUST HAVE HEALTHY AND WELL BALANCED MEEAAALS”

  5. dafs  |   Posted on Nov 10th, 2008 0

    I don’t see it as a stretch at all. Because its less extravagant than Rihanna’s, its totally cool? Or is it just because you like her music more than Rage Against the Machine, so she gets a pass?

  6. jay  |   Posted on Nov 10th, 2008 0

    smoking gun’s publishing of tour riders is one of the very best things on the internet.

  7. Have you ever seen Bruce Springsteen’s rider? The personal requests are about 10 – 15 pages and he has specific furniture demands, down to the placement and color. He also had all of these weird designer protein powder, name brand vitamin and Myoplex demands. So much for working class Jerz……..

  8. Lemons, grade B maple syrup and cayenne pepper? Sounds like someone’s on the master cleanse diet.

  9. Chadams  |   Posted on Nov 10th, 2008 0

    Having seen enough of these and shopped from these riders, I’m not surprised and don’t consider any of them too over the top. Plus every last detail isn’t 100% required (meaning RATM’s meals really only need to be healthy or well balanced).

    Yellowcard, when performing for 25 people circa ’01, had “thousands of adoring fans” on their rider. That’s the worst of any.

  10. If this had The Pussycat Dolls at the top instead of MIA people here would be flipping out. I’m calling all ya’ll out.

  11. george the nez  |   Posted on Nov 10th, 2008 0

    I knew we had a lot in common!

    I’m getting hungry while I’m eating, love it.

  12. DS48  |   Posted on Nov 10th, 2008 0

    Come to Wisconsin, Maya! You’ll love it here!

  13. ooo  |   Posted on Nov 10th, 2008 0

    “$20 don’t mean shit to you”

    No, no. Twenty dollars don’t mean shit to YOU.

  14. wiscod  |   Posted on Nov 10th, 2008 0

    Of course she’s specific about the cheese she’s eating when she’s pregnant. Unpasteurized cheeses are dangerous for the baby since they are hosts to harmful bacteria. Give the woman a break, she’s just trying to protect her unborn! And I agree with Amrit, my list of cheeses would be pretty detailed.

    • The specific cheeses she requested would most likely be unpasteurized, though, so this rider probably predates her pregnancy.

    • Yeah, from one pregnant lady to another, I hope this pre-dates the pregnancy, b/c half of those cheeses are foreign, soft cheeses, which pregnant women shouldn’t eat. Likewise with the smoked salmon.

  15. zap  |   Posted on Nov 10th, 2008 0

    i believe guns n’ roses latest tour rider consists of nothing but dr. pepper.

  16. aoao  |   Posted on Nov 10th, 2008 0

    I never understood why MIA got a free pass for all her commercial endorsements: liscensing her stuff for video games/commercials/everything and posing for high fashion ads while at the same time wagging her finger at first world consumption/centrism.

  17. Celebrities- even the ones who make awesome music- make me want to puke. Just play your damn show, take your money, and leave. You want some food and water? Fine. But get over yourselves.

    I’d be a lot less concerned with Maya’s cheese choices and more concerned with her wanting two packs of cigarettes in her dressing room. Even if they’re just for her entourage… I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want anyone smoking around my unborn child.

    • amarinder  |   Posted on Nov 16th, 2008 0

      Some of you need to learn about riders. Firstly, to the douche that told them to “take their money and leave”, a rider is essentially PART OF THE BAND’S FEE FOR PLAYING. it’s part of the deal so the band or their crew dont have to arse around trying to find food in a strange city.

      Secondly, if you’re not specific and just say “hey, just bring us some cokes and something nice” then every so often the venue is going to hit you with five shit takeaway pizzas and three sodas. That’s why all artists are specific. Know what you’re talking about, kthx

  18. brody  |   Posted on Nov 10th, 2008 0

    iggy pop’s got the best rider OBVIOUSLY


  19. Pete Fontaine  |   Posted on Nov 10th, 2008 0

    See I think that’s funny. I’ve never really liked much — okay, anything about Yellowcard before, but that seems to indicate they can poke fun at themselves. I appreciate that.

  20. benja  |   Posted on Nov 10th, 2008 0

    It also looks like she has got the fixins for the famous cleanse drink, lemon and cayenne and maple syrup, apparently a case of the squirts goes a long way in a performance.

  21. my favourite part is “4 AA batteries”

  22. bitchass  |   Posted on Nov 10th, 2008 0

    iggy pop and the stooges are the greatest ever even when it comes to dumb shit like this. they always entertain.

  23. i love reading riders! at the M.I.A. show I went to, they were spraying vodka or rum out of water guns. hmm…wonder if that was from the list!

  24. Most times you can’t even GET Grade B maple syrup outside of syrup-producing areas.

    Grade B Maple Syrup?
    Selective Cheese roster?

    No tour dates in Vermont?

  25. Syd  |   Posted on Nov 12th, 2008 0

    I fly like cave aged gruyere, get high like french blue cheese
    If you catch me at the border I got 8 Ferrero Roche Gold Ball Chocolates

  26. sam  |   Posted on Nov 13th, 2008 0

    i actually like MIA but when shit like this comes out..its just so hypocritical to want to live in the “hood” and to reminisce about your war days ….then have this bullshit surface.

  27. Tawny  |   Posted on Nov 15th, 2008 0

    Fromunda Cheese! Lol hell yeah that’s funny..lol

  28. ben  |   Posted on Nov 16th, 2008 0

    well she’s entitled to her demands. i mean if thats what will make her content to play the venue thats all that matters. thats what the rider’s for to begin with, making sure the performer has what they need to prep them to go on with the show, even if it is cave aged cheese

  29. who isnt particular about their cheese? … if you can get away with being so demanding, why the hell not do it? .

  30. Kickle Cubicle  |   Posted on Nov 17th, 2008 0

    I think M.I.A.’s music sucks, and I find her physically disgusting to boot. The average person has never heard of M.I.A., who does she think she is? Yeah, some comment above says “if you can get away with it, why not do it” – still, I find it pretty repulsive nonetheless.

  31. starmusicmoe  |   Posted on Feb 19th, 2009 0

    That’s Awesomeeeeeeeeee

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