Last night’s Colbert Report dedicated the ENTIRE show to settling the much-blogged feud between Stephen and hyperliterate prog rockers The Decemberists. That made for a lot of cameos. Everyone from Eliot Spitzer to Robert Schneider, who performed an opening tune about how handsome and truthy Stephen is. (Lyrics, anyone?). The show was surprisingly eh — but you have to watch it. The whole thing’s at comedycentral.com/motherload. We finally learn whether Decemberist Chris Funk or All-Yearist Stephen Colbert is the better green screen axeman.

We demand a recount. But we’ll take more of these:

UPDATE: Apples In Stereo’s “Stephen Stephen” lyrics after the jump.

“STEPHEN, STEPHEN” LYRICS
(c) 2007 Robert Schneider

Who’s the television host
Understands what matters most?
Stephen, Stephen
He’s a handsome man his name is Stephen– Woh oh Number one TV show.
Stephen, Stephen
He’s a dashing man his name is Stephen– Woh oh He’s taking on the status quo.
Don’t stop believin’ Stephen, Stephen.
Don’t stop transceivin’ Stephen, Stephen.
He’s calling out the bears in their evil lairs.
He’s calling out the press in their fancy dress.
Don’t stop believin’ Stephen, Stephen.
Don’t stop transceivin’ Stephen, Stephen.
He’s calling out the bears in their evil lairs.
He’s calling out the press in their fancy dress.
He’s calling out the Decemberists and their green screen contests.
Who’s the television host
Understands what matters most?
Stephen, Stephen.

We’re told this song is a free download at the Zune marketplace. Good luck with that.

Comments (30)
  1. The lyrics, originally transcribed at HarpMagazine.com (http://harpmagazine.com/news/detail.cfm?article=10766), go like this:

    ?Who’s the television host
    Understands what matters most?
    Stephen, Stephen
    He’s a handsome man his name is Stephen– Woh oh Number one TV show.
    Stephen, Stephen
    He’s a dashing man his name is Stephen– Woh oh He’s taking on the status quo.
    Don’t stop believin’ Stephen, Stephen.
    Don’t stop transceivin’ Stephen, Stephen.
    He’s calling out the bears in their evil lairs.
    He’s calling out the press in their fancy dress.
    Don’t stop believin’ Stephen, Stephen.
    Don’t stop transceivin’ Stephen, Stephen.
    He’s calling out the bears in their evil lairs.
    He’s calling out the press in their fancy dress.
    He’s calling out the Decemberists and their green screen contests.
    Who’s the television host
    Understands what matters most??

  2. El Payo  |   Posted on Dec 21st, 2006 0

    Anybody know what kind of guitar Funk was playing?

    Stephen started out with Rick Neilsen’s custom Hamer 5-neck, and Frampton was on a Gibson Les Paul…

  3. El Payo  |   Posted on Dec 21st, 2006 0

    Anybody know what kind of guitar Funk was playing?

    Stephen started out with Rick Neilsen’s custom Hamer 5-neck, and Frampton was on a Gibson Les Paul…

  4. “The show was suprisingly eh”?
    That was one of the coolest late nite shows I’ve seen in a long time.

    Scott, can’t you enjoy a rare treat like that?
    Having PETER FREAKIN FRAMPTON come out and save Colbert’s end of the contest was exciting – though the part leading up to his cameo where Stephen acts like he cut himself bleeding so he couldn’t continue playing/shredding in the challenge was the only lame part, I’ll give you that much – as was the FINALE where everyone jammed on the Colbert theme: Rick Neilson of Cheap Trick, who actually WROTE the song according to Colbert, Frampton, Chris Funk (Decemberists)AND Stephen sang on Frampton’s talkbox – ultra-cool stuff.
    I’m sure I’m not the only one who thought so.

    PS The cameos of Henry Kissinger saying “Let’s rock” and “Crank it up (Stephen)” were priceless as well

  5. dan  |   Posted on Dec 21st, 2006 0

    funk was rocking out on a warlock.

    it has a seventh string.

    hence the amazing low power chord at the end.

  6. dan  |   Posted on Dec 21st, 2006 0

    funk was rocking out on a warlock.

    it has a seventh string.

    hence the amazing low power chord at the end.

  7. ian  |   Posted on Dec 21st, 2006 0

    chuck, I agree, but my favorite part was the robert schneider song and frampton’s expression when colbert forgot to thank him. Also, I find it interestinghow bob mould wrote, and tmbg recorded, the daily show theme and rick neilson wrote the colbert report theme.

  8. Nate  |   Posted on Dec 21st, 2006 0

    I’d have to agree that the show was surprisingly eh, although Kissinger was a highlight. Not as good as a regular Colbert Report.

  9. what i learned from this episode is that there should be a Colbert Report rock album with indie rockers doing songs about Stephen. Also a full version of “Charlene”

  10. First the judge from NYU calls the Decemberists prog, and now Stereogum? I thought the Decemberists were the antithesis of prog.

  11. girl  |   Posted on Dec 21st, 2006 0

    The “Stephen Stephen” song sang by Robert will be available as a free download on zune.net starting Friday morning. Be sure to check it.

  12. girl  |   Posted on Dec 21st, 2006 0

    The “Stephen Stephen” song sang by Robert will be available as a free download on zune.net starting Friday morning. Be sure to check it.

  13. girl  |   Posted on Dec 21st, 2006 0

    The “Stephen Stephen” song sang by Robert will be available as a free download on zune.net starting Friday morning. Be sure to check it.

  14. ryan  |   Posted on Dec 21st, 2006 0

    i believe scott referenced them as “prog” because that’s what colbert called them in the first episode where he called them out.

  15. jonathan  |   Posted on Dec 22nd, 2006 0

    That episode of the Colbert Report was as funny as Henry Kissinger’s war crimes.

  16. I don’t think the Colbert-Decemberists challenge is really over:

    http://www.indierockcafe.com/2006/12/colbert-decemberists-green-screen-is-it.html

    View, listen and download a full multimedia package of Sufjan Stevens’ “Christmas Songs” EPs:

    http://www.indierockcafe.com/2006/11/sufjan-steves-christmas-song.html

    And, in case you missed it:

    http://www.indierockcafe.com/2006/12/poll-top-10-indie-albums-of-2006-winner.html

    Happy Holidays

  17. I don’t think the Colbert-Decemberists challenge is really over:

    http://www.indierockcafe.com/2006/12/colbert-decemberists-green-screen-is-it.html

    View, listen and download a full multimedia package of Sufjan Stevens’ “Christmas Songs” EPs:

    http://www.indierockcafe.com/2006/11/sufjan-steves-christmas-song.html

    And, in case you missed it:

    http://www.indierockcafe.com/2006/12/poll-top-10-indie-albums-of-2006-winner.html

    Happy Holidays

  18. heartbroken in hoboken  |   Posted on Dec 24th, 2006 0

    I’d been chatting with “emily” for weeks–I thought we’d made a real connection. She was cooler than the other girls…she liked video games, especially ones found on the x-box 360. But no matter what the topic of conversation started as it always seemed to end up focusing on her Zune–which was ok because we liked all the same bands. Then a few days ago something strange happened. During our chat she just kept repeating the same phrase over and over again. It seems that our friend “emily” is a bot, a mere marketing tool for Microsoft Corp. That day I wept bitter tears because I found I was nowhere nearer to completing my 34 year quest to touch boobies.

  19. emily  |   Posted on Dec 27th, 2006 0

    damn… sorry i didnt mean to do that. i suck. it wont happen again- and no i dont work for microsoft.
    I just suck at posting comments.

  20. Stephen, Stephen is also available for download on The Apples in stereo’s MySpace.

  21. Jamie  |   Posted on Jan 4th, 2007 0

    Is it just me, or did the guitarist from the Decemberists actually, well- suck?

    That was a completely lame guitar solo. I know many teenagers who could have ripped a better solo. Frampton wasn’t really on his a-game either, though he was clearly much more musical.

  22. Jamie  |   Posted on Jan 4th, 2007 0

    Is it just me, or did the guitarist from the Decemberists actually, well- suck?

    That was a completely lame guitar solo. I know many teenagers who could have ripped a better solo. Frampton wasn’t really on his a-game either, though he was clearly much more musical.

  23. CocoChanels  |   Posted on Jun 27th, 2009 0

    Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
    Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!

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