Britney Spears Loses Custody Of The Kids, We Brace For Terrible Monologue Jokes (And Hear New Song “Piece Of Me”)

By Stereogum / October 1, 2007 - 6:20 pm

Another banner day for Brit. Via CNN:

A court has ordered pop singer Britney Spears to give up custody of her children effective Wednesday at noon.

Spears’ former husband, Kevin Federline, is to retain custody of their two sons “until further order of the court,” according to a ruling by Superior Court Judge Scott Gordon.

It was not clear what led to Monday’s decision awarding Federline full custody. A transcript of the court proceedings was ordered sealed.

They say you won’t want to change your life until you’ve hit your absolute lowest point. Kevin Federline being deemed a more fit parent than you? Welcome to rock bottom, Britney! But there’s collateral damage involved when something like this happens: the late night talk shows become a minefield of Brit quip bombs. In honor of tonight’s punchlines, here’s our stupid monologue joke predictor…

LENO: Did you see this? Did you read about this? Britney Spears lost custody of her kids to Kevin Federline. True story. Unfortunately for Britney, this means the kids will only be available to drive her around the first and third Saturday of every month.

CONAN: Did you hear that Britney Spears today lost a custody battle to ex-husband Keven Federline? Yeah. Apparently, Spears was really upset that the judge wouldn’t accept her first choice for legal guardian: MC Scat Kat.

LETTERMAN: So you know I was clicking on the www, ya know on the internet, there? And I saw a headline that said “Britney Spears Loses Children In Court.” And I thought, well, that’s not so bad. At least it’s safer than where she usually loses them: at the gas station.

Those are horribly lame, so feel free to join the fun and predict one liners for Carson Daly, Jimmy Kimmel, and Craig Ferguson. Or you could listen to the newly leaked, not-terrible-but-pretty-boring, vaguely J-Lo sounding Britney single “Piece Of Me” at BritneyFans.org. But mostly, we wanna hear your bad jokes.