Fake Coachella

Above, you’ll see the first of what will doubtlessly be many, many fake Coachella posters (via Gigwise). These things have become something of an annual rite, as computer jokers all over the world conceive of the most plausible possible lineups for the first major summer festival. The newest one builds from the rumors that Radiohead and No Doubt will headline this year’s show, and it adds the sure-why-not Foo Fighters to the mix. But LFMAO that high up the bill is the stuff of nightmares, and Daft Punk reached headliner status a long time ago.

But though we still don’t know for sure who will play this year’s festival, it still raises important questions. Who should play this year’s fest? And more importantly, who should headline? Is there anything to the Radiohead/No Doubt rumors? Has Bon Iver graduated to anything like headliner status? What about Drake? The Throne? The Black Keys? Discuss below.

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Comments (52)
  1. Waka Flaka Flame. Brickkkk Squaddd!!

  2. How dare not fake put up Kasabian higher on the fake flyer!!!!

  3. I doubt daft punk would come second in a line up so definately fake poster. Radiohead and daft punk would be amazing though. And would no doubt really headline?

  4. drake and the throne on one day would be incredible as well

  5. Lana Del Rey. By miles.

  6. lol, tom waits playing an outdoors festival somewhere in california and not headlining.

  7. I know this is a fake poster and all but it says Refused. Is Refused actually reuniting for shows? Did I miss something?

  8. I love these ridiculous fake lineups that are supposed to be plausible, until you see, say, Fiona Apple as the 18th-biggest act of the day (behind such luminaries as AMERICAN MARS) or the Civil Wars listed down in can-barely-read-it land.

  9. i think we can look back at all of the “top 50″ lists to generate a majority of the line up
    headliners? jay-z in ’10, kanye in ’11, i guess the throne in ’12 would make sense??
    also we cant forget the rolling stones rumors from last year (which might make more sense this year, as its their 50th anniversary)…
    stone roses would be kind of a big deal…
    no doubt?
    and of course this year they have to try to sell out TWO weekends in a row, and seeing as though roger waters relaunched another leg of The Wall… rumors rumors rumors

  10. Radiohead and Bjork.

  11. I’ve seen better fake flyers.

  12. GY!BE may not headline, but they will definitely be there

  13. Who is Moby?

  14. Seriously, though: at least VHS or Beta will be there to play that one song from ’04 (?)

  15. I’m thinking “Atoms for Peace” will show up about then.

  16. I don’t know about headlining, but if Buke & Gass don’t play I’ll be bummed.

  17. To answer your questions, tom, Drake is going to be in Europe during Coachella, the Black Keys and “The Throne” would be too much Repeatchella to happen, and Bon Iver is a solid second-line subheadliner at this point. Oh, and that poster was amateur hour.

    Radiohead will headline one night. Apart from that, there doesn’t appear to be much consensus on who the other two or three top billed will be.

  18. Bruce will be a headliner.

    • That’s my thought as well! I think since it’s two weeks in a row, they need to have two diverse superstar headliners, so Radiohead plus The Boss would do the trick. As for No Doubt, I don’t doubt they could be headliners, but I would not be surprised if the night that they play, they’re co-headliners in the same way Kanye / The Strokes were last year. RHCP might be their other half.

      As for Refused, their rumblings that both them and At the Drive-In would be reuniting. If you don’t think Refused would play Coachella, remember that the (International) Noise Conspiracy did back in 2004. ATDI would still be unlikely seeing that Sparta is returning in 2012.

      • The Mars Volta (pretty much) played in ’11 as Omar Rodriguez Lopez group. They even played new material from the their upcoming album, supposedly. But ATDI would be pretty rad.

  19. Would they really place LMFAO that high on the tier?

  20. There is no way Fiona Apple will be there.

  21. The few silly guesses, just to procrastinate from my studies…

    - Radiohead

    - Cloud Nothings (hype; their tour ends on April 7th)

    - Modest Mouse

    - The Knife (rumoured new album)

    - Islands

    - Dan Deacon (showman; new material)

    - Death Grips (Californian; awesome)

    - Aphex Twin (appearing more frequently; unreleased material)

    - GY!BE (fits in tour-schedule)

    - D’Angelo (?uestlove hinted at a tour)

    - The Beach Boys (earliest date announced is April 27th)

    - Grizzly Bear (been recording)

    - Of Montreal

    - The Avalanches (I WANT TO BELIEVE)

    - Dirty Projectors

    - Jeff Mangum

    - Sigur Ros

    - Why?

    - Beach House

  22. While not headliners, I think it’s a pretty safe bet to say that WU LYF, tUnE-YaRdS, and Oberhofer will be there based on tour reports and such.

  23. Does that mean for six days there would only be three headliners? Does anyone think it’s going to be like that in real life?

  24. The Red Hot Chili Peppers

    Look at their tour dates. Given their Coachella history, count on them headlining.

  25. The funniest part about the fake poster above (to me at least) is that it includes the band Gratitude. Gratitude were a short-lived emo-pop-rock band that included Jonah Matranga of Far and onelinedrawing that released one album on a major label when all the majors were hoarding up any band who they could market as the next Jimmy Eat World (who were at their peak.) They actually played Coachella in 2005, but broke up soon after because their debut was a dud, most of their tour dates got cancelled and Atlantic ultimately dropped them. If you’re going to make a fake poster, at least do your modern emo history homework to give it some realistic credibility (not that inserting LMFAO would do that or anythng.)

  26. The Decemberists as a final pre-hiatues huzzah.

  27. Hey, wouldn’t this be a great opportunity for Lou Reed + Metallica to perform???

  28. the smashing pumpkins

  29. Has anyone looked at Justice’s tour schedule? Looks an awful lot like they’ll be playing both weekends.

  30. LOL @ Daft Punk opening for Foo Fighters.

  31. where is tUnE-yArDs?? and The Morning Benders??? if they were somewhere on here, i would already have my tix

  32. day 1: no doubt/bush (co-headlining); 2nd billing: Weezer, Creed, Hole; 3rd billing: Sunny Day Real Estate, mazzy star, bon iver, AWOLNATION, Pulp
    day 2: Everclear; 2nd billing: Hagfish (1 night only, again), Rise Against, The Toadies, Harvey Danger; 3rd billing: Adele, Ringo Starr & Paul McCartney play The Beatles, Spice Girls, Soundgarden, The Beach Boys
    day 3: R.E.M. (reunited after over 6 whole months!), 2nd billing: A.T.D.I., E.L.O., ABBA, N*SYNC; 3rd billing: I.C.P., N.W.A. featuring Justin Bieber, MGMT, NIN, Portishead

    one can only dream (although I’ve heard the NWA/justin bieber collaboration is set in stone)

  33. I have a friend you played at a coffee shop one time. Maybe he could headline?

  34. Alexis Texas. Hell, any porn star.

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