I took a look at the video (for work, mind you), and once you get over seeing a teenage Miss Diaz topless, it’s pretty tame.

The best part comes eight minutes in…

Cameron: (joking to camera) Hi mom, I’m coming home in just a couple of days, okay? Don’t worry about me … (to crew) Can i have a cig-a-rette?

As Cameron poses topless with S&M gear and a cigarette, the photographer offers some constructive criticism…

Photographer: See the one problem is, keep your bottom up higher. I don’t wanna see the stomach in between, you know what I mean? OK, let’s go. I want you hot and sexy. Turn it on, go. Give me an edge. See, what we gotta do though in this shot, is you gotta create an EDGE so it’s not so posey looking, you know? Otherwise, it’s like a damn centerfold or something … You can clench your fists. You have to give me SOMETHING. Go, go, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice. Everytime … power. Attitude attitude attitude attitude. Go. Attitude baby! Bite your lip. Do something!”

And that, my friends, is how Cameron Diaz learned how to act.

Oh, at one point she perks up her nipples with a can of compressed air (“Whoa! Look at how big they got!”) — but before you judge, remember Susan Sarandon probably did the same thing in her first porn movie.