Lindsay, Alex, Eric and I watched the Oscars, fast-forwarding through the boring parts (though the whole thing was pretty boring, obvs). We paused during the Technical Achievement montage to get a better look at Scarlett Johansson’s junk in the trunk, but it ended up being part of the podium. Also, Lindsay called someone “gummy” (adj. having a lot of gums). Those were the highlights from my end. Check out these photos from AP and you do your post-show watercooler thing in the comments.
Oh, and this guy.
Here’s a list of every Academy Award winner for Best Song. A handy resource if you’re looking to make the Worst Mix Ever.
Of course I had to find some way to work Paris Hilton into this post. Here she is with boyfriend Paris (wtf?) at Elton John’s Oscar party. (Thanks Jesse for the link.)
UPDATE: Watch Chris Rock’s Q&A with real moviegoers. White Chicks wuz robbed!
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Duritz, that look is so 1989. You look like something out of a B-52s coverband.
Seriously, can’t we do something about Adam Duritz? Like stop him forever? We should have a rock/movie star euthanasia program… becuase seriously, he, James Brown and Fred Durst are all just hurting us.
Is it just me or did Adam Duritz look EXACTLY like Sideshow Bob come to life and singing about a giant green ogre, albeit not in the voice of Kelsey Grammer?
I’ve seen most of the movies that were nominated, and I would like to go on record as saying that Million Dollar Baby did not deserve a SINGLE award that it received. And this is coming from someone who loved Mystic River. We turned it off as soon as best picture was announced. Best Original Screenplay was the only pleasant surprise. I’m going to go live in my pretend universe now, where the main awards were as follows.
Best Supporting Actress – Cate Blanchett
Best Supporting Actor – Thomas Haden Church
Best Actress – Imelda Staunton
Best Actor – Paul Giamatti
Best Movie – Aviator
I have nothing against boxing movies, but for Morgan Freeman to sleepwalk through the same damn role he always does and get an award for it, and for that cliche-ridden borefest to claim best picture of the year, is a joke.
Renee Zellweger (sp?) looks freaky. I love sunscreen as much as the next pale person, but the jet black hair/wig with it just looks odd. And girl, eat something. Please, please.
I read somewhere that Hillary Swank has a penis. You know — whaddya call it when someone is born with organs of both sexes?
thought it interesting kirsten dunst & jake gyllenhaal both brought their siblings as dates– & i didn’t see them together once. the drama.
was jude law even there? i was hoping they would pan over to him for his reaction…sean penn’s a wiener…he gets me “highly pissed off!”
Renee looks like she got an unexpected poke in the butt by someone. Was she really wearing a wig? Why?
Is Hillary Swank’s dress on backwards? I guess she was nervous and distracted when she put it on.
Carlie the word that yo’re looking for is hermaphrodite, and i didn’t like her movie but i doubt that she have a penis.
I’m in no way advocating violence against women, but I really just wanted to smack the hell out of Rene’s stupid squinty face.
Renee looks too thin. Scary.
Gotta love Mr. Rock and Ms. Knowles, they were incredible.
Did you all see Christina Aguilera’s reaction afterwards? Some news person asked what she thought of the musical performance, and wasn’t it a great honor to perform at the Oscars for Beyonce, and Aguilera said that “they were pretty good, but not like the Grammy performances.” At least she had a nice wig on this time, sour sport.
Through the entire Counting Crows performance, all I could think was: “so, he’s going for a bloated Kid N Play look, right?”
Not that I remember which was Kid or which was Play.
Hilary Swank’s boobs… yummy.
frankly i’m sick of Beyonce, and I wouldve like to have seen Don Cheadle get best actor for his role in Hotel Rwanda…it doesnt have the wanna-be vintage of Aviator…or the sentimentialism of “Ray” but it’s real, it happened..and shouldve been acknowledged. Jaime Foxx getting Best actor was fine but still left a bit of a sour taste in my mouth..made me make a Renee Zellweger face..(lol)
Yeah isn’t Renee Zelwegger starting to look more and more like the new white stripe, after dating Jack. Scarlett is damn hot.
beYAWNce! geez academy? great host, but mix up the singers a little.
criteria for best actor/actress: Could Anyone Else Have Done IT? It’s nice to see that Wanda/Bunz got the award. Because nobody else could have done what he did. And I don’t think it has to be based on a real-person to capture the uniqueness of a character (although my next example is Johnny Depp for Captain Jack Sparrow -who was based on Keith Richards). I didn’t see Big Don and I’m sorry I missed “Hotel Rwanda”, but the fact is “Ray” stunk as a film, but watching Willie Beeman act for 2 hours or so actually made it a slamming experience. Almost as slamming as Zhang Ziyi, Penelope Cruz, and Salma Hayek, side by side by side.
scarlett = busted. gotta be the most over-rated “hot” lady out there. Pasty, nappy hair, bad skin, and a bad mo’fucking actor to boot. I just can’t get behind that.
Zellweger looked like SHIT. Renee you are not Meg White.
Scarlett is so pretty, but her hair was not up to par. Way too frizzy.
Also I second Sweetpea on being sick of Beyonce.
Rene Zellweger always looks like she just sucked on a lemon, and Duritz’s pooplocks should have won an award.
When Andy Rooney had to get up to pee, The “seat fillers” could have replaced him with a bag of potatoes with a bowtie.
i must be the only person in the world that loved scarlett’s hair last night. very reminiscent of the silent era.
good for her and hilary doing something a little different. why were all the other ladies wearing mermaid dresses?
Morgan Freeman got the Oscar because the Academy was too fucking stoopid to give him Best Actor for Shawshank Redemption. I don’t even remember who won that year, but he should have. I love me some Morgan Freeman.
Also: I. HATE. Hilary. Swank.
Ok, so I just looked it up, and Tom Hanks won in 1994 for Forrest Gump over Morgan Freeman. Which, I guess, is justified (because I also love me some Forrest Gump). But still: Shawshank? Best.
Now that Duritz has happened, can all the commentators lay off of Bjork now? Why do all the mag profiles always have to mention that dress?
Some Random Thoughts:
-I HATED Hillary Swank’s dress. That thing was ugly as hell.
- Why in God’s name did Antonio Banderas sing? No one has mentioned that yet but I REALLY think that was awful. There are plenty of great, talented hispanic musicians that were far more qualified to be up there than freaking Antonion Banderas.
– I really would have liked to see Don Cheadle win for Hotel Rwanda as well. I didn’t get to see Ray, and i’m sure it was a good movie, but Foxx had a lock on it because Ray Charles died this year. Hotel Rwanda was a beautiful, devestating movie and i was really rooting for it.
duritz = Pee Wee Herman with a tarantula on his head.
I haven’t seen Hotel Rwanda, but Foxx did such a great job as Ray Charles that I really did forget it was him with those glasses on. When he took them off, however… Jamie Foxx. And yeah you’re probably right, it didn’t hurt about the timing.
during the credits they showed that chris rock’s tux was provided by sean jean. that means that this was the best oscars ever.
gummy = virginia madsen.
hilary swank’s dress was ugly. man, do i dislike her.
Fuck each and every single one of you. With my money and fame, I could buy all your blogs, upload jpgs of me and my husband frolicking off the coast of Greece, and make all you internet hipsters my gardners.
– Hilary Swank
Scarlett Johanson is a beyotch. She has been quoted as saying that she doesn’t have an email account because there are already too many people she doesn’t want to speak to contacting her (see US Weekly). Well, hon, I’ll make a point of not contacting you, you bad-acting, perfume-shilling sourpuss.
Did no one else find Jamie Foxx’s acceptance speech a trifle creepy? He’s going to talk to his dead grandmother when he goes to sleep tonight?
And Charlie Kaufmann’s speech almost made the show endurable. Too bad M. Gondry didn’t win (or get nominated!!) for Best Director. Ditto Kate Winslet (but for Best Actress, not Best Director).
Loved you in the Next Karate Kid, Hil.
stereogum –
thanks, stereogum. you’d be happy to know that pat “mr. miyagi” morita and I spend alot of time reading your insights on western pop culture while we crumble up some green and talk about relationships. i really like what you guys do, and i try and spread your URL around the set of whatever film I am working on where, for some reason, I play a beautiful woman with quite masculine tendencies and traits. keep bangin’.
- Hilary Swank
ok, first off, jamie foxx is a straight asshat that needs to get slapped for so many sins i don’t know where to begin (but i’ll just start with that retarded tattoo on the back of his head). it’s like don cheadle wasn’t even there (now there’s a real actor). someone needs to slap sean penn’s humorless ass. defending jude law? please. hilary swank wore a wet suit – what’s up with that? selma hayek is so hot it hurts. am i the only one that caught louis gossett jr sound asleep, mouth open and everything? priceless.
I spied two people asleep in the audience last night. one was an old guy in the balcony and the other was an older actor in the front row, can’t remember his name.
yes!!! that’s who it was- louis gossett jr.
Salma was very hot becasuse we had made out backstage just beforehand. She always has a glow after we tickle tongues.
– Penelope Cruz
Eek – when I saw that Renee Z photo I thought “why is Jennifer (or maybe Meg) Tilly pictured first?” Wasn’t till I read the comments that I realized…
personally, i’m a little mad that jake gyllleenhhhaaalll hogged all of zhang ziyi’s lines. she’s such a little chatterbox. i love her.
Is it just me or does Melanie Griffith look like shes 80?
Is Penelope Cruz our generation’s Sophia Loren?
I thought I’d gotten my fill of snark about the Oscars… but I’m wiping tears at this very moment… you guys are friggin’ hilarious…
Don Cheadle was cheated… Jamie won Best Actor because Clint won Best Director… Cate “I’m-an-Aussie-even-though-I-speak-with-an-English-accent” Blanchett won Best Actress because they didn’t give it to her for “Elizabeth”…
Now for my questions:
Are Jeremy Irons and Keith Richards “bloodless” relatives? Did Rene Zellweger have a mishap with the toilet paper in the ladies room, or was that something else hanging from beneath her Red Lobsterfest gown? Why is Counting Crows still around? Why is Sheryl Crow still around, for that matter… Did Puffy think that he was at the Source Awards? Is that why he kept looking so scared? How much did they pay Beyonce to sing? And how did they get Jay-Z and Beyonce’s dad to sit together for so long? Did Tim Robbins have a kegger slumber party with Al Pacino, Dustin Hoffman, and Ethan Hawke? What happened to Catherine Zeta-Jones? Where’d she disappear to… and why did nobody question it? Or is it as I suspected… because everybody was relieved that she was a no-show?
Oscar Ceremony Recap:
http://blissfullyclueless.blogspot.com/2005/02/blogging-oscars.html
re: jamie foxx tattoo – it’s fake, get over it.
re: talking to his dead grandmother. I think he said he was going to talk to her in his dreams. What is creepy about that? As creepy as a guy saying “hon”? probably not.
ooooh “Scarlett Johanson is a beyotch” because she doesn’t want email? ooooooh she is such a bad person. Hisss!!
it’s weird(and sucks) that one of the best blogs out there can have so many tools commenting on it.
speaking of Ms. Knowles where can I get an MP3 of her singing in french?
That Catherine Zeta-Jones thing was just a joke. A mildly lame joke, but eh, I kind of chuckled.
Was it my imagination, or did the Oscars seem shorter this year??? I mean, for years, the show just went on and on and on and on to the point where even the hosts/actors were wishing Jim Jones would show up with cookies and Kool-Aid! But I looked up and it was only 9:30 by my clock – I thought it was broken!!
I thought Chris Rock did a good job, despite all the media-generated hype beforehand. I could have done without Beyonce’ performing – “What, is this the Grammy’s??” And of course, I was glued to my television just so I could see the lead singer of Counting Crows hair – it’s always a disaster! I liked the way the changed things up a bit, having the nominees for the “ho-hum” filler awards stand on stage and having the “roving” presenters in the audience. I thought Julia Roberts looked absolutely beautiful, along with Selma and Halle. And I’m sorry, I thought Hillary Swank looked absolutely AWESOME! That dress, that bod – whoa!
Virgina Madsen is gummy!
No one ever mentions that Virginia Madsen was in the best 80′s movie ever: Electric Dreams
http://imdb.com/title/tt0087197/
I can’t believe I watched the whole thing too.
Nobody’s mentioned the tragedy that was Antonio ‘no shame’ Banderas singing (hamming) what is normally a very good song. Thank goodness Jorge Drexler (who was told he couldn’t sing it because he wasn’t a big enough star) got the win so he could give his song some real love.
So is it me, or did it seem like Jay-Z went Suge Night on someone w/ the Academy to get his woman Beyonce singing on three songs AND get what was essentially Jack Nicholson’s seat?
Ha ha YaYa!
“Rene Zellweger always looks like she just sucked on a lemon, and Duritz’s pooplocks should have won an award.
When Andy Rooney had to get up to pee, The “seat fillers” could have replaced him with a bag of potatoes with a bowtie.”
Anyone else find Clint Eastwood’s wife really annoying?
is it me or was the academy courting a black audience, or at least one that has grown up hip-hop. i mean morgan freeman wins, jaime foxx wins, chris rock hosts, beyonce sings, star jones on the red carpet…don’t get me wrong, from my perspective its blackilicious, but did anyone else notice this?
holy crap! theres a weed on that guys head. garden shears, anyone?
too bad johnny depp doesnt carry his scissorhands around with him
hey rang: just cuz Lamie Foxx’s tattoo is fake (are you sure about that asshat?) makes it no less retarded – just like him. he flat-out sucks. deal. TOOL.
Wow, haha. Counting Crows guy does look like Sideshow Bob. On closer look, he appears to be ‘covering’ his receding hair line by tying his longer hair into a poof thing on top. Amazing. It’s the new comb-over!
Renee seriously needs some vitamin D. I saw some rickets on her elbow! And what’s with the rolls of loose flesh spilling over her corset top?
I loved Hilary’s dress too! The color was blah but she looked all kinds of hot in it.
Everytime I see Hillary Swank, I think of Jimmy Fallon as Swank on SNL’s Celebrity Jeopardy:
“I’m a girl, you know.”
Ashley, I’ve got a customer-from-hell story about Mrs. Eastwood, if you’re interested.
It’s Mickey Rooney from Puff the Magic dragon. Andy Rooney is the 60 minutes guy who complains about the lack of cashews in his jar of mixed nuts.
Hilary looked good, but her right arm is channeling Barbie.
UHHH The Oscars were a snooze feast. I think we should be on suicide alert for Annette Beaty. She must be devastated that Hilary Swank won once again. I love Hilary but I’m not sure she was that “fantastic” in Million Dollar Baby.
Cate Blanchet was long OVERDO for an Oscar! She should have one the year they gave it to Americas Sweetheart that I can’t stand “Gwen Paltrow”.
Jamie Foxx: He’s so over rated If I see him once more I’m going to puke and now he has a record deal so this should be the year that we get an overkill of him and he might end up again dong C listed movies
Leo: Poor Leo so he didn’t get the Oscar in my opinion this wasn’t the best role I think he should have gotten nominated for the “basket ball diary’s” but I’m sure he will get that role but fuck it who cares when you have “Giselle” as your date the most beautiful woman in the world. Good job Giselle for looking Normal and Hippie chic instead of all those Wanna B’s in tight dresses and stupid up do’s
Chris Rock: You sucked you let me down..
Beyonce”wow girl” fire your stylist for letting you wear that “Silver Dress” those thighs looked massive. I’m so over you go make “ugly” babies already with Jay Z
Hilary Swank: Now that you have all that “Oscar” money you should buy a good shrink for your husband cause he’s probally going to kill himself cause of all your Fame.
For my final thought I noticed a pattern here for the last couple of years you have to transform or degrade your self in order to win an Oscar so maybe in 2 yrs Madonna might get hers I heard she is doing a remake on a classic Andy Warhol character Candy Darling. She’s suppose to play a Tranny. Lets see until next year…
that Antonio Banderas/Santana thing? simply just plain embarrassing. and Hilary Swank has this over-achieveing air about her that really gets on my tits. and yes, why are the Counting Crow’s still around?
i don’t know, it was all underwhelming. Carnivale was good.
Biggest robberies of the night:
Don Cheadle got taken out for his stellar performance in Hotel Rwanada in exchange for an actor doing an imitation of Ray Charles. Sorry, Jamie, imitations are flattering, but compared with Don Cheadle? No way, I didn’t dig it.
Martin Scorcese — do I even have to explain the dis on this? Come on, people, give him a fucking Oscar already. What does he have to do to get this Academy’s respect?
If I ever have to sit through THREE FUCKING BEYONCE performances in one Oscar show again, I’m forming a trenchcoat mafia and making a plan on taking out the Staples Center. PUH-LEEZ.
I took a little offense to Chris Rock’s barb at Tim Robbins about “boring us to death with his political causes”. Surely a comedian like Chris Rock can come up with some better shit than that to say about the guy.
Finally — hey Sean, it was nice working with you on 21 Grams and, without a doubt, you’re one of our best American actors. But dude…shut up? Sometimes, just shut up.
the burning question i have is: where did hilary swank’s boobs come from? seriously.
Natalie Portman should get the oscar! She’s hot
Did any one else notice that this is Freeman’s first oscar? I think its about time, I’m happy to see such a good actor and all around good guy to finally win.
The nominees were way too predictable this year! I so knew that Cate Blancette was going to win and that it would either be Leo or Jamie Foxx for Best actor and for best actress I knew it was going to be either Kate Winslett or Hillary Swank.
While I thought the nomiees were way too predictable I thought Chris Rock was great as the host. I hope he comes back next year. And they don’t bring back Billy Crystal and his lame songs!
WTF is up with Sean Penn!!??? I think he is a great actor but he seriously needs to get a sense of humor!
I pitty poor Antonio Bandaris has become a parody of himself! And Beyonce please go away!
Hey, I liked Antonio Banderas! He was far better than the Counting Crows and less of a pussy than Groban.
—-> hey rang: just cuz Lamie Foxx’s tattoo is fake (are you sure about that asshat?) makes it no less retarded – just like him. he flat-out sucks. deal. TOOL. <——–
it’s fake. he’s filming the new sam mendes war drama ‘jarhead’ with jake gyllenhaal and chris cooper. foxx plays jake’s sargent.
Yeah I never got Adam Duritz and the Counting Crows appeal and he looked like a cross between a pineapple and a beagle sunday night and Josh Groban (sp?) the male Celine Dion or Generation Y’s anwser to Kenny Loggins, Dan Fogelburg or Dan Hill.
RE: Scarlett – USED to be hot, when she had some weight on her bones. Now she’s looking skinny and g, r, o, s, s, gross.
beyonce = glory hog
i heard she did three songs and convinced whoever was stupid enough to listen to her to also let her sing the phanton of the opera song instead of the actress who sang it in the movie… who the hell does that??!!??
LET THE TRUE STORIES ABOUT WHAT A FUCKHAT JAMIE FOXX IS BEGIN NOW:
1998 Sports & Music Festival 2 – MTV. Jamie is picked up at the airport by the airport van, as were every celebrity that was hired for the event. After the van has left and is on its way, Jamie asks the driver to pull off and let him get a beverage. When he gets out, Jamie tells his driver that his contract demands a limousine and if he de doesn’t get one “your don ho lookin ukelele playing ass will have a lot of explaining to do when I make you take me back to the airport”. Jamie gets his limo.
Congratulations on your continued success, Stepin.
Eh Jamie Foxx shouldn’t be reguarded as this high actor because he’s a good inpersonator. I mean really, he’s the same guy from Booty Call…and that’s one hell of a movie.
I love those two Punjabi guys singing “you gotta lick it, before you stick it, you gotta work it and then you hump it! Boom Shaylalalala Boom Shayalalalala.”
Seriously, what were they thinking letting Beyonce sing all three songs? Her pronunciation on the french song was atrocious. They cut to the songwriters and they looked pained.
And also, Emmy Rossum looks like a muppet.
Did anyone else find it mean and in bad taste to have all of the “less important” awards like hair, makeup, set design and all of the scientific awards handed out as they were? Ugh, I thought that was so disgusting. To just hand them out in the audience or have everyone come up on stage, it was awkward and tasteless. I am glad Chris Rock said something, I believe it was to the extent that next year they would just hand them out in the parking lot, or have a drive through oscar handout.
Rock said: “Next year they’re going to give out Oscars in the parking lot. It’ll be like a drive-through Oscar lane: Get your Oscar and a McFlurry and keep it moving.”
Best line of the night in part because it didn’t feel scripted.
Anotonio Banderas knows no shame. Thankfully Jorge Drexler won the oscar and got to eventually sing a few lines of his song and restore some dignity for it. I find it repugnant that the Academy folks told Jorge he couldn’t sing it because he wasn’t a big enough star. That’s a new policy that should be short-lived – just think we would’ve never got to see Elliott Smith in his white suit taking a bow between Celine Dion and Trisha Yearwood.
Well I read that Minnie Driver was all set to sing that song from Phantom and at the last minute the oscar producers pulled Minnie and had Beyonce sing the song.
Supposedly Minnie was pretty pissed.
…to which beyonce responded, “oink? oink oink oink!”
they where too black, one to many fuggin c00ns