From the band that brought you the KISS Kasket comes … KISS Coffee, available exclusively at the KISS Coffeehouse, which opened its doors in Myrtle Beach today.

Choice quotes from the press release:

PAUL STANLEY: “The KISS Coffeehouse is our way of providing everyone with the buzz of great, quality treats and coffee filled with enough sugar and caffeine to get the party started, and keep it going!”

GENE SIMMONS: “Every army needs food and drink and the KISS Army is no exception! Even the non-enlisted will find our treats and java rockin’ good!”

The KISS Frozen Rockuccino™ comes in eight KISSlicious flavors and costs a KISSforable $5.75. ($6 if you’re Ace Frehley.)

I know KISS is all about slapping their brand on everything, but this has to be Gene’s worst idea since “Firestarter.”

Comments (16)
  1. marc  |   Posted on Jun 27th, 2006

    fuck this, yacht rock was cancelled

    nothing even matters anymore

    stereogum, keep the fire

  2. I thought this was a brilliant and well-executed joke.

    Wait, this isn’t a joke?

  3. Billy-Ho  |   Posted on Jun 27th, 2006

    I LOVE KISS(and POISON) THIS is A great IDEA!!! I’m making a pilgramage to their flagship coffee-house with all 2 of my survivng KISS-FAN-FRIENDS!!!(all the way from JERSEY!!!!!!)

  4. dsven  |   Posted on Jun 27th, 2006

    This is ludicrous…but it doesn’t surprise me coming from KISS. These are the guys that marketed Kiss Koffins after all.

    They must have more cash than they know what to do with…

    Will it work? I don’t know…I kind of like a relaxing atmosphere when I drink my latte. Sitting next to a giant replica of Gene’s boot while “Lick it Up” is blasting over the soundsystem doesn’t sound like a very fun time.

  5. kelly kapowski's panties  |   Posted on Jun 27th, 2006

    Um..I live in Myrtle Beach and uh…this is not surprising. And its not new. Its part of the whole “recontruction” of what once a nice, quiet respectable beach town. I wonder which of my childhood memories was torn down to build this?

  6. If you could see my eyes when reading this, they’d be rolled.

  7. Alex  |   Posted on Jun 27th, 2006

    “I’ll have a Destroyer Rocket Ride Espresso, a Platinum Frozen French Kiss Vanilla Rockuccino, and a Firehouse S’Mores for 2.”

    “You sound ridiculous.”

  8. holy lols.

  9. “How many of you like to take a sip of alcoh–uh, Latte!” – Paul Stanley live excerpt from KISS ALIVE 5

  10. “How many of you like to take a sip of alcoh–uh, Latte!” – Paul Stanley live excerpt from KISS ALIVE 5

    or

    My wife will have a Rocket Ride Espresso, single, er, no change that, SHE’S WORTH A DEUCE!

    oh, man. I don’t know what’s worse, this KOFFEHOUSE or the fact that if I’m ever in Myrtle Beach and the KISS KOFFEHOUSE is still in business, I’ll have to go!

  11. Alex  |   Posted on Jun 27th, 2006

    Poodle, I think I’m going to use that Deuce line if I ever get to this place. In fact, I encourage everyone to drive the Kiss workstaff crazy by incorporating Kiss songs in their conversations. Bonus points if you can get through a few verses of “Beth” while keeping things in context with your order.

  12. head  |   Posted on Jun 27th, 2006

    Who is a bigger merchandising whore, Kiss or Krusty the Clown?

  13. dave  |   Posted on Jun 27th, 2006

    kiss is the best marketing project ever !

  14. Memememe  |   Posted on Jun 27th, 2006

    “get the party started” with coffee and freakin’ sugar!?

    wtf!

  15. Sugar is the ultimate “gateway” drug.

  16. I think that this is the next step that the guys
    can make they have done just about everything that
    you can do from rock to race cars to couffons
    to the stage and movies I thnik Kiss is the Band
    that can do anything So to anyone THIS BAND KICK
    ASS>

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