Earlier this month we look at Blender‘s 25 Biggest Wusses in music. Now America Online‘s followed up with a list of the 111 Wussiest Songs Of All Time.
I’m proud to have dozens of these songs on my iPod, but I assume AOL’s not claiming all these songs are bad. Just wussy. So I think they did a pretty good job. Solid range of eras and genres too.
But what’s the point of a list you can’t argue about? The ‘Mats, AOL? Really?
111. ‘Do I Make You Proud’ – Taylor Hicks (2006)
110. ‘Seasons in the Sun’ – Terry Jacks (1974)
109. ‘Kiss Me’ – Sixpence None the Richer (1999)
108. ‘Wonderful Tonight’ – Eric Clapton (1977)
107. ‘What Hurts the Most’ – Rascal Flatts (2006)
106. ‘Break Up to Make Up’ – The Stylistics (1973)
105. ‘First Day of My Life’ – Bright Eyes (2005)
104. ‘Dancing in the Dark’ – Bruce Springsteen (1984)
103. ‘Daydream Believer’ – The Monkees (1968)
102. ‘People Are People’ – Depeche Mode (2006)
101. ‘I’m Into Something Good’ – Herman’s Hermits (1964)
100. ‘(I Just) Died in Your Arms Tonight’ – Cutting Crew (1986)
99. ‘Don’t Cry’ – Guns N’ Roses (1991)
98. ‘Against All Odds’ – Phil Collins (1984)
97. ‘Butterfly’ – Weezer (1996)
96. ‘I’m Not in Love’ – 10CC (1975)
95. ‘Hero’ – Enrique Iglesias (2001)
94. ‘Silly Love Songs’ – Paul McCartney (1976)
93. ‘Skyway’ – Replacements (1987)
92. ‘Mandy’ – Barry Manilow (1974)
91. ‘Angel’ – Shaggy (2000)
90. ‘Oh L’Amour’ – Erasure (1986)
89. ‘I Honestly Love You’ – Olivia Newton-John (1975)
88. ‘I Knew I Loved You’ – Savage Garden (1999)
87. ‘Open Arms’ – Journey (1982)
86. ‘Don’t Take the Girl’ – Tim McGraw (1994)
85. ‘Hey There Lonely Girl’ – Eddie Holman (1970)
84. ‘Crash’ – Dave Matthews Band (1996)
83. ‘You’re the Inspiration’ – Chicago (1984)
82. ‘I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman’ – Britney Spears (2001)
81. ‘On and On’ – Stephen Bishop (1977)
80. ‘Friday I’m in Love’ – The Cure (1992)
79. ‘The River’ – Garth Brooks (1991)
78. ‘Lovin’ You’ – Minnie Ripperton (1975)
77. ‘Scarborough Fair’ – Simon & Garfunkel (1968)
76. ‘To Be With You’ – Mr. Big (1991)
75. ‘I Need Love’ – LL Cool J (1987)
74. ‘I Want To Know What Love Is’ – Foreigner (1984)
73. ‘I Do (Cherish You)’ – 98 Degrees (1998)
72. ‘I’ll Make Love To You’ – Boyz II Men (1994)
71. ‘Iris’ – Goo Goo Dolls (1998)
70. ‘Crying in the Chapel’ – The Orioles (1953)
69. ‘You Had Me From Hello’ – Kenny Chesney (1999)
68. ‘Let Me Hold You’ – Bow Wow (2005)
67. ‘Kites Are Fun’ – The Free Design (1967)
66. ‘Burn’ – Usher (2004)
65. ‘Our House’ – Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young (1970)
64. ‘I Just Called To Say I Love You’- Stevie Wonder (1984)
63. ‘Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want’ – The Smiths (1984)
62. ‘Time in a Bottle’ – Jim Croce (1973)
61. ‘Babe’ – Styx (1979)
60. ‘Too Shy’ (1983)
59. ‘Someone Saved My Life Tonight’ (1975)
58. ‘Bad Day’ – Daniel Powter (2005)
57. ‘She Believes In Me’ – Kenny Rogers (1979)
56. ‘Vindicated’ – Dashboard Confessional (2004)
55. ‘(Everything I Do) I Do It for You’ – Bryan Adams (1991)
54. ‘Leaving on a Jet Plane’ – Peter Paul and Mary (1969)
53. ’2 Become 1′ – Spice Girls (1996)
52. ‘How Deep Is Your Love’ – Bee Gees (1977)
51. ‘Tutti Frutti’ – Pat Boone (1956)
50. ‘I’m in You’ – Peter Frampton (1977)
49. ‘Hero’ – Mariah Carey (1993)
48. ‘Just the Way You Are’ – Billy Joel (1977)
47. ‘Puppy Love’ – Donny Osmond (1972)
46. ‘Hip to Be Square’ – Huey Lewis (1986)
45. ‘Don’t Give Up On Us’ – David Soul (1976)
44. ‘Invisible’ – Clay Aiken (2003)
43. ‘Annie’s Song’ – John Denver (1974)
42. ‘When I’m 64′ – The Beatles (1967)
41. ‘You’ve Got a Friend’ – James Taylor (1971)
40. ‘God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on You’ – *NSYNC (1974) [I think they mean 1998.]
39. ‘With Arms Wide Open’ – Creed (2000)
38. ‘Alone Again (Naturally)’ – Gilbert O’ Sullivan (1972)
37. ‘So Sick’ – Ne-Yo (2006)
36. ‘Beth’ – Kiss (1976)
35. ‘She’s Like the Wind’ – Patrick Swayze (1987)
34. ‘I’ll Be Missing You’ – Puff Daddy and The Family (1997)
33. ‘My Heart Will Go On’ – Celine Dion (1997)
32. ‘Think of Laura’ – Christopher Cross (1982)
31. ‘Let Her In’ – John Travolta (1976)
30. ‘Walking on Sunshine’ – Katrina and the Waves (1983)
29. ‘Muskrat Love’ – America (1976)
28. ‘Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go’ – Wham (1984)
27. ‘More Than Words’ – Extreme (1991)
26. ‘Precious and Few’ – Climax (1972)
25. ‘Superman (It’s Not Easy)’ – Five for Fighting (2001)
24. ‘All Outta Love’ – Air Supply (1980)
23. ‘Your Body Is a Wonderland’ – John Mayer (2001)
22. ‘You Light Up My Life’ – Debbie Boone (1997)
21. ‘True’ – Spandau Ballet (1983)
20. ‘Such Great Heights’ – Iron and Wine (2003)
19. ‘Right Here Waiting’ – Richard Marx (1989)
18. ‘I Believe I Can Fly’ – R. Kelly (1996)
17. ‘Close To You’ – Carpenters (1970)
16. ‘All By Myself’ – Eric Carmen (1976)
15. ‘Cry’ – Johnny Ray (1951)
14. ‘Dear Mama’ – Tupac (1995)
13. ‘You Don’t Bring Me Flowers’ – Neil Diamond & Barbra Streisand (1978)
12. ‘I Want It That Way’ – Backstreet Boys (1999)
11. ‘Hello’ – Lionel Richie (1984)
10. ‘Fix You’ – Coldplay (2005)
9. ‘If’ – Bread (1971)
8. ‘Do You Really Want to Hurt Me’ – Culture Club (1983)
7. ‘What’s Left of Me’ – Nick Lachey (2006)
6. ‘Longer’ – Dan Fogelberg (1979)
5. ‘Every Rose Has Its Thorn’ – Poison (1988)
4. ‘You’re Beautiful’ – James Blunt (2005)
3. ‘Ben’ – Michael Jackson (1972)
2. ‘Sometimes When We Touch’ – Dan Hill (1997) [I think they mean 1977.]
1. ‘Shiny Happy People’ – R.E.M. (1991)
True, R.E.M. disowned the hit, and left it off their Best Of. (“It’s not a terrible song; it’s just irritating to some degree,” Michael Stipe admitted to Blender last year.) But #1? Wrong, wrong, wrong. AOL’s preemptive response? “Let the whining begin!”
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Even as a life-long REM fan, I can still see why “Shiny” scored the top spot. Perhaps it’s not the wussiest song EVER, but it is VERY wussy, annoying and kind of embarassing. But not as embarassing as beating out James Blunt I guess…
where is sum 41 and blink 182?
How can any song be wussy if it’s sung by a girl?
I REALLY REALLY like half of the songs on this list, guess that makes me a super-wuss. Particulary the Mr. Big and Richard Marx songs are highly under-appreciated. I always thought that “Shiny Happy People” was made to be intentionally cloying and overly-sunny?
Most of those songs were made to be wussy–a quarter of them are bubblegum pop. I’d be more impressed if they came up with a list of songs that had every intention of being tough but ended up being soft.
I believe America’s version of Muskrat Love was out in 1971. They’re thinking of the Captain & Tennille’s version, which was popular in ’76.
Erm, i’m a bit surprised that Wonderful Tonight is on there, but not Tears in Heaven lol
“Wonderful Tonight” isn’t wussy! It’s romantic! Now “Cocaine” …
Why is only Iron & Wine’s rendition of “Such Great Heights” considered wussy? I suppose it is a bit wussier sounding, but they didn’t write it. Or is AOL just stupid and doesn’t know it’s a cover?
I’m surprised “Kenji” by Fort Minor or any song by Hawthorne Heights or From First To Last or any other song by Dashboard Confessional didn’t make it higher than “Shiny, Happy People”.
Here’s an idea that Stereogum can compile: a list of 100 wussiest Indie Rock songs?
“Tears in Heaven”? Yea, wow, the dude’s son died and he wrote a song about it. What a wuss.
What’s it with these “walking-hard-on” lists lately? Look how manly we are! Love and emotions are way pussy; let’s talk about something all manly!
Pleeeease. And how is 2Pac’s “Dear Mama” wussy? Cause he loves his mom? Because he wrote a moving, warts-and-all tribute to her? This whole pseudo-Maxim contest of comparing dick size was old five years ago.
I call shenanigans. not a single belle and sebastian entry?
I want a list of the 111 manliest songs of all time just to see how many have videos featuring dudes with feathered hair, vests with no shirts, and sparks.
Shiny Happy People, the wussiest EVER? Nope. Sure, wussy, and a bad song, but I’d have put several songs on that list before that one.
They could never do a “111 wussiest indie rock songs”…the list would be too long and practically impossible to narrow down to anything fewer than all of them.
“2 Become 1″ is actually a good song. Believe it or not.
“”Tears in Heaven”? Yea, wow, the dude’s son died and he wrote a song about it. What a wuss.”
Whew, I’m glad someone commented on that ignorance.
“Tears in Heaven” is the one of the most admirable, courageous songs ever written. There’s no way I’d be able to perform it, let alone finish writing it, without breaking out in tears and giving up on it.
“40. ‘God Must Of Spent A Little More Time On You’ – *NSYNC (1974)”
maybe the took anti-aging draught but I’m pretty sure they weren’t even born in 1974, much less recording artists
One of the most tragic and emotional song to come out in a past few decades, but “Tears In Heaven” is more “tough/manly/un-wuss” (due to lack of better terms) than anything Mayhem, At The Gates, or Black Flag has (or will ever, for that matter) put out.
What the hell is this?! James Blunt is beaten by R.E.M.! Blunt takes the prize for not only the wussiest but crappiest music. Pfft, if this list was up to me, it would be filled with all emo bands.
I want that kitten in the latte bowl.
Didn’t Bread do a song called something like, “I’d love you to want me”? If so, that was the first song I thought of as the wussiest thing I’ve ever heard. Was “Shannon” by Henry Gross on there, too? Basically anything lampooned on the Anchorman soundtrack should be on here.
Blimey, stirred up lots of pro-clapton feelings. I’m well aware that he wrote Tears in Heaven for his son who fell out of a hotel window, I just happen to dislike the song. I can admire the man for writing it, however, i know i couldn’t. I think it’s just a bit maudlin writing a song, one of your most famous, about your dead son, Surely it’s not helping him get over it all by singing it at nearly every gig?
Is it wrong for a big burly man to like a Kitty in a bowl?
The problem with Shiny Happy People was that it was intended as satire, but then people started to think it was this great inspirational song about being happy (a la Bobby McFerrin’s Don’t Worry, Be Happy!) and it started getting played in car commercials and on Sesame street and that was it. Song death.
I’m surprised no one’s commented on Five for Fighting not making the top 10, let alone the #1 spot. “Superman (It’s Not Easy)” is easily the wussiest song of all time, and the singer is a whiny bitch. At least “Shiny Happy People” has a good hook.
Wonderful Tonight was also written as sarcastic. Eric was waiting for (I think) George Harrison’s wife to come along with George and George kept saying ya, ya, you look wonderful let’s go.
Where is Billy Vera and the Beaters with ath this moment. This is one the wussiest songs evvvver.
How could they have omitted “I’ve Never Been To Me”? HOW?
And there isn’t a single Moody Blues song on the list? They’re such a great wussy band.
Way to go, Paul H! Now……Lord knows, we don’t want people thinking men have a heart that can love! I mean, sheesh!, we’ll all start being nice to 6 year olds and kittens and grandmothers. Who knows where this sentimentality will stop!? If we’re not careful we’ll end up with the Beauty pageant queen’s eternal ‘one wish’ – “world peace”. [shock! horror!... no more war, gangster and splatter movies.]
Garage-musos and would-be guitar heroes unite! REAL Music must always remain the voice of the egocentric, self-conscious, awkward, gangly, ugly, C-grade average, high school reject, virgin male!
And now it’s time for another poll called “Let’s make up the most machismo song title we can”.
My suggestions:
“Tarantino Pushes Razor Blades Into Pandas’ Anuses”
“I Shagged 6,000 Dumb Chicks Last Night And I’m Still Up For 9,000 More”
“My Car Has A V12 Engine”
“I Know More Than Anyone And That’s Why I Wrote A Song Called The Government Is Always Evil”
“Being Happy Is Crap”
Yes, Butterfly by Weezer is a tad wussy, but it helps make Pinkerton so endearing. Emo-precursor, schmemo-precursor, I still love it (and that album!)
Shiny Happy People is supposed to be overtly happy but the true meaning is rather depresing. AOL cannot be trusted with any lists. I don’t know who they get to do them, but these people obviously don’t know what they are talking about or do any reseach into them.
No way Shiny Happy People beats out # 78, ‘Lovin’ You’ by the late Minnie Ripperton. Sorry Minnie!