Now streaming at Ryan Adams’s site and preserved here for posterity:
Rappin’ Ryan spits ample shoutouts to Staten Island and the Internet. Then it gets REALLY weird. “Kevin Costner Dot Com WHAT THE FUCK! 2003. Updated by witches!” What the fuck indeed.
We’re speechless. Someone please transcribe the whole thing? PLEASE?
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balls.
Having sucked the 70′s dry, it’s obviously 12:01 1/1/80 at RyanAdams.com and he’s hammered.
Wow, he finally got wasted enough to make Rock N Roll seem relatively awesome. This guy needs an edit button more than he needs rehab.
This is seriously one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard!! I LOVE Ryan Adams even more than I did before for this! oh man, toooo funny.
Sweet fancy Moses, that was awesome. I cried.
Ryan rules…
I mean, if you can listen to this and not laugh, you must be brain dead. I managed to hear “1 1/2 stars” and “his albums are long and sappy, basically alternative country but crappy”. So, I’m guessing this mad rhyme is pointed at all the reviewers and people who won’t cut Ryan a break and talk about how washed out he is. I’m a fan of Ryan’s, even the new stuff, and I think this is awesome of him. WHAT A G!
P.S. If you click on the dash of the starship, it takes you to hear another song.
Holy helicopter soup. I am not sure if this can be topped. Balsa Wood Yo!
The witch voice he does is fantastic.
if you click on the yellow buttons on the teleport section (http://www.ryan-adams.com/teleport) there are more “country songs”
His rhymes and beats sound like Midnight Vultures era beck.
Is it just me or is he kind of biting Kool Keith’s flow?
1 1/2 stars…
when was the last time he did something beck couldn’t do a million times better?
http://www.ryan-adams.com/teleport.html
there’s a different “Country” song when you click each button as well
hehe
nm, i missed Kelly’s comment above
anyone else think he sounds a bit like Isaac Brock when he raps at times?
awwww shit! dot com, mother fuckers! kevin bacon, what the fuck!
Pitchfork would give that a 9.3, for sure.
this is just too much to handle. this new website is a cornucopia of nonsense. especially the teleport section. hysterical.
You really have to love Ryan Adams. He just continues to not give a fuck.
that is my new favorite website. ryan adams is cool.
Isn’t this the part where all the Ryan Adams bashers come around? Where are they?
I’m lost….
Apparently they’re at Pitchfork
um, yeah
http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/page/news/38821/Hey_Ryan_Adams_STFU#38821
when he started singing in his witch voice… i coughed out my nose diet code red mtn. dew mixed with oreos. when i blew my nose it looked like my brains were coming out of my face. ryan adams is cooler that all of us.
Give me a fucking break Pitchfork.
It’s a freaking joke, the fact that they even made it a news story is kind of retarded.
Hilarious. The man has a great sense of humor.
ok, so ryan adams and beck get wasted at a bar…
Awwwwwww shit.
Look who got a website.
That’s right.
Dot com.
What the fuck.
CHORUS: Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
New York City it’s up!
CHORUS: Mix masters please report to the dance floor
Staten Island.
Ancient Sumerians
Anna Sarriss…
Ohhh shit.
Well if I could get around to my rhymes
Then I could destroy galaxies
of alt.country wannabees
With a bottle of whisky
And a wizard and a mime
Until then?
Dot com motherfucker!
CHORUS: Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
New York City!
CHORUS: Mix masters please report to the dance floor
Staten Island
Yo!
CHORUS: Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
Anna Serris ohhhh
CHORUS: Mix masters please report to the dance floor
Anna Serris you out of this world
like ancient Sumerians
apparently we came from ancient Sumerians
they came down and gave the world a bunch of technology
because they wanted to clone themselves and that was
and maybe be on the Earth
and get some some stuff that they needed
for their planet
but then they had to split
so they went to another planet
we stayed here
and now we just yell at each other
and have milkshakes
Hi Anna
CHORUS: Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
Awww shit Anna Serris
CHORUS: Mix masters please report to the dance floor
You a g-g-g-g-genius
CHORUS: Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
Kevin Bacon was a cock!
CHORUS: Mix masters please report to the dance floor
Well up these streets are digital roads
Goin into your mind like if you think it was your nose
and your nose was sucking coke and drinksin E
Trippin’ too hard and gotta be
What was a dezzin Kevin Bacon
Makin Waterworld 3
They ain’t even made 2 yet
Yo that was Costner partner
CHORUS: Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
kevincostner.com what the fuck?
CHORUS: Mix masters please report to the dance floor
two thousand and three
CHORUS: Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
updated by witches
CHORUS: Mix masters please report to the dance floor
This website’s updated by witches
witches
witches n’ me
weird witches
roll about and leap
with their hair on fire
and their nails long
and they’re screaming at animals and people
and they’re going crazy
and they need to take a break from recording
CHORUS: Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
Aww shit – it’s a long record.
CHORUS: Mix masters please report to the dance floor
c-c-c-c-c-c-critics
CHORUS: Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
One and a half stars yeah!
CHORUS: Mix masters please report to the dance floor
Aww shit
One and a half stars
3 records sold
my record went balsa wood
in Indio or someplace that I’m not from
you know what I’m saying man?
And then the guy goes “This record is very long and sappy.
Basically he’s alternative country but crappy.”
CHORUS: Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
Mix masters please report to the dance floor
Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
Mix masters please report to the dance floor
Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
Mix masters please report to the dance floor
Welcome to RyanAdams.com motherfucker
Mix masters please report to the dance floor
eggs!
Fuckin’ genius XD
Also: is it Anna Serris, Anna Sarris or Anna Farris?
The whisky makes it hard to tell.
ha ha.. hilarious! thanks for the link!
what is with the constant ryan adams bashing? i just don’t get it. pitchfork says he ‘subjects’ the listener to this crap? no. you click the link, and listen if you choose. ‘subjection’ is what happens when people do things to you against your will.
don’t people laugh any more? brutal…
Since no one else has mentioned it or saved it for posterity, upon first clicking teleport, you actually get another “rap” song, ostensibly titled “Drunk Santa” that is also pretty funny. Please someone grab that one and up it here as well.
What a humorless douche Ryan Schreiber is. Get over yourself.
What a humorless douche Ryan Schreiber is. Get over yourself.
Yea for serious. We need to find that Pitchfork guy and e-mial him or something….. for serious.
Haha, actually that was a lot more entertaining than the last Beck record.
I LOL’d.
Ryan rules. I never thought he didn’t, but honestly, I don’t get why people constantly say shit about him. While yeah, it’s a little lame that he really cares so much about everyone else’s opinions, he’s talented and this only reaffirms my confidence in his bonafide mad skillz.
Haha Drunk Santa is great too!
“I miss you drunk santa.”
Wow, looks like Ryan Adams bashing is out, Pitchfork bashing is in.
Seriously though, if this was some joke one of your friends did and put it on their myspace, would you find it funny or ridiculously lame?
Gotta side with Pitchfork on this one. Ryan Adams seems to have a need to be listened to at all times, regardless of whether he’s got something to say or he’s just being a fool. Next time you’re at a party and you want to kill it, try taking a page from the “witch rap” book.
nice nice. pitchfork….just…no. ryan adams is sweet. pitchfork have no adventure in their indie/hip hopper little hearts. ryan adams has always ruled.
Ryan adams is a shit to the blogsphere for not telling his dogs (lost highway) to back off a criminal prosecution against bloggers.
we should NEVER buy his stuff. he’s got nerve writing about the web, it’s like he’s laughing at all bloggers.
he sounds like he’s trying to pull a Steve Albini in places (the talking vocals, at least). ha! but yeah–funny for about a minute.
actual file downloaded from website, it’s only 20kbps but doesn’t have people clicking in it!
okay, this is a stupid comment but could someone please e-mail me and explain whether or not Ryan Adams is really a heroine addict? I’ve heard mixed reviews.Sure, he’s an alcoholic but to say he’s on heroine seems a bit much. It could explain his brilliance though. Please enlighten me!! steed461@hotmail.com
Is Ryan really a heroine addict?Could explain his brilliance but I hope not!
Is Ryan really a heroine addict?Could explain his brilliance but I hope not!
Hi Bridge,
I hope it’s none of our business whether Ryan is a heroine addict. I pretty much want to marry him though.
Natasha
Heroin or Heroine?
I’m a heroine addict! TombRaiding heroines!
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