Fun subject for a little shit list debate, and it comes to you via Cracked.com. We’ve gleaned that there are a couple of stipulations in place, namely 1) your high school band is not eligible (unless you’re Brandon Urie) and 2) apparently you’re meant to dig deeper than just emo and hair metal bands (too easy), though a few do justly pop up on this list. Of course we have our issues, but first their Cracked out findings…
25. Porno For Pyros
24. Nickelback
23. The Alan Parsons Project
22. Stone Temple Pilots
21. Matchbox 20
20. The Smashing Pumpkins
19. Def Leppard
18. W.A.S.P.
17. Puddle Of Mudd
16. Of Montreal
15. Goo Goo Dolls
14. The The
13. Mr. Mister
12. The Mr. T Experience
11. Panic! At The Disco
10. Limp Bizkit
09. Chumbawamba
08. Enuff Z’nuff
07. Mott The Hoople
06. Hoobastank
05. Toad The Wet Sprocket
04. Thirty Odd Foot Of Grunts
03. Hootie And The Blowfish
02. Archers Of Loaf
01. !!!
First off, the Smashing Pumpkins: really that bad? Same with Of Montreal — both sound good to us. And Limp Bizkit should be a lot higher. !!! is hell to Google, but seeing the Chkers and Archers go 1-2 on this list is painful. (Though that may just be the music fan in us talking.) Just put Hootie #1 on the name shame list and make everybody happy.
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What about the Beastie Boys? Check out the shit review for their latest shit album! hahahahahhahahahaahah and the proverbial ha. This will probably piss off a markus or some other sort who still defends shit music.
For dumb, obvious, corny, pandering names, you simply can’t do worse than “The Beatles.” Almost as bad: “Paul McCartney and Wings.”
OTOH, Smashing Pumpkins is a fine name for a band from Illinois, where little Billy Corgans do just that every Halloween. Maybe they just didn’t get it.
Another great name: Spin Doctors.
no ‘anal cunt’ ?
Umm can you say Arctic Monkeys
LoveThe Shins, but I fucking hate their name.
What about “When People Were Shorter And Lived Near The Water”??? Huh??
Oingo Boingo?
Korn
Absolutely shocking that Jimmy Eat World didn’t make the cut.
I love their music, but Death Cab for Cutie is a truly awful name.
Should Toad the Wet Sprocket get a pass for their name being a Monty Python reference?
!!! is a cool name written down but it has to be on the list because it’s lame and weird saying chk chk chk out loud to people in actual, normal conversation.
Also, …And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead should be on this list only because it’s the only band name where you actually have to stop and take a breath to say all of it.
they might be giants?
alan parsons project
thats not weird @ all
WTF “meh”.
I know a good band name for you. Whut about “Shut your hole”. Proverbial? Nice made up word man.
Piss me off one more time Gayness and youll git it.
This post is lame. shit..
um… The String Cheese Incident?
How about Death From Above 1979?
Honestly, are there really any band names that aren’t absolute crap?
steppenwolf, deep purple, sugarcult, weezer, zz top, assorted jelly beans, bedouin soundclash, bigwig, blue oyster cult, bowling for soup, big d and the kids table, hellogoodbye, lucky boys confusion, fall out boy
What? No Spinal Tap?
what about 98 degrees? they were a lot hotter than that….so that’s a bad band name i think.
i fucking hate Cracked.com
Not one thing they said about the Stone Temple Pilots had an ounce of truth.
i stopped reading @ #21…
No, as much as I love them, Of Montreal does belong on this list. They’re the one band that I always have to use air quotes on or something.
“That band ‘Montreal’ is pretty cool.”
“No, that’s ‘Of’ Montreal.”
“Oh, they’re from Montreal?”
“No, no…”
And it took me a while to get past “Archers of Loaf”, that’s a pretty bad name.
Some more nominations:
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. Apples in Stereo. Racoo-oo-oon.
Lighten up, bitches.
“Smashing Pumpkins” has nothing to do with Halloween. It’s British-style slang for “nice tits,” basically. You figure it out.
Cajagoogoo (sp?) an absolutely atrocious band from the 80s.
I have a CD from “The FVck Dolls” based out of Long Beach. Now which list does that Top?
No love for ? And The Mysterians?
BEST band name I’ve heard was a band from around Indianapolis called “JIF And The Choosy Mothers.”
Frou Frou. Just try not to sound ridiculous saying it.
“Hey guys, have you heard the new Frou Frou album? I really like Frou Frou. How can you not like Frou Frou? You wanna go see Frou Frou this Friday?”
Armageddon Dildos
The Chocolate Watchband
Mouse and the Traps
B*Witched (if only for that fucking asterisk)
Butthole Surfers
String Cheese Incident
I agree that Limp Bizkit should really top the list. but I really have to point out a big omission. I love them an all, but please guys… ‘Spoon’. I think they could have gone all the way if it weren’t for their name.
And on second consideration, Limp Bizkit is actually a pretty great name – easy to say – fits right into the same annunciation as “Led Zeppelin” has. Glad to see someone else beat me to Kajagoogoo.
Of Montreal sounds just fine to me. I have a hard time taking Archers of Loaf seriously on account of their name and all.
Sure it’s his name, but John VANDERSLICE? He should be on list for OPTING OUT of going by something that would make him sound like less of a douche bag.
Better Than Ezra, Rainbow Butt Monkeys, The Strawberry Alarm Clock – actually, that one was kinda cool.
I like Dave’s usage of ‘annunciation’, as in the virgin mary being told by the archangel gabriel she is to bear the child Christ. In the same sentence as LIMP BIZKIT
carry on
“Saliva”. ’nuff said.
I always wanted to name a metal band “graven image”
REO Speedwagon. Horrible name, horrible band. Many of the bands on the list and those mentioned in comments are fair, good or even great. You’ve got hand it to REO for being band on all accounts.
butt hole surfers?
I could never figure out how to say “Akron/Family,” so I just say “Akron and the Family.” Is that right? Still, love the band, hate that name, as well as any other band that uses a slash or a plus sign instead of just saying “and,” like “Ted Leo + Pharmacists”.
Though it’s definitely better than Hootie and the Blowfish, “Menomena” is a pretty strange name. And “Weezer,” too!
Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchestra & Tra-La-La Band with Choir?
Godspeed! You! Pretentious! Exclamation!
The Flaming Lips
The Shins
Cradle of Filth (has a nice ring to it, though)
Any band with incorrect spelling, numbers, or stupid punctiation
Insane Clown Posse
I Love You But I’ve Chosen Darkness
Angels and Airwaves
Default
Finger Eleven
And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead (sometimes listed as having elipses, too)
YACHT
BARR
The Apples In Stereo
Live
WHAM!
Elbow
Godspeed You! Black Emperor
Re:
Thee Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchastra & Tra-La-La Band
…And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead
Kitchens of Distinction
LSD and the Search for God
The New Pornographers
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!
(basically any band with a ! in the name)
The Bears Can Smell The Menstruation
Oedipus and the Motherfuckers
John Cougar Concentration Camp
austin bands could fill this list alone. here we go…
our well-known, worst offenders
1. I Love You But I’ve Chosen Darkness
2. …And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead
are we 12?
3. Monkies Doin’ It
4. Armageddon It On
5. Assacre
6. Crotch on Fire
7. Slippin’ Mickies
wtf?
8. Til We’re Blue Of Destroy
9. Horse + Donkey
10. iKiLLCaRS
11. Woozyhelmet
12. Whole Wheat Bread
13. Human Being Lawnmower
yay! exclamations!
14. Moth! Fight!
15. Tiger! Tiger!
16. Clap! Clap!
stuttering problem?
17. Foot Foot
18. Destroyer Destroyer
19. Bark Bark Bark
20. Zibra Zibra
21. Lick Lick
death rawks!
22. Misskarrage
23. Summer of Blood
24. World Burns To Death
and last but not least… my personal favorite…
25. SuperHeavyGoatAss (yes, all one word)
ahhh austin… the live (overwhelmingly shitty) music capitol of the world
WANG CHUNG.
I Am The World Trade Center
I Can Make A Mess Like Nobody’s Business
Volcano, I’m Still Excited!
And any other band who graduated from the band naming school of …And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead.
Endangered Feces
Oh, man.
Mr. T. Experience is an awesome band with an awesomer name!
They’ve had it for over 20 years now, anyway, so it’s too late to change.
BAT FOR LASHES…they are some good Manimal Vinyl freakfolk!!!
The shitty indie name fad has hit Adelaide, Australia in a bad way.
At the top of the lists we have:
Fire! Santa Rosa, Fire!
and
Jump! You Revolutionary.
Seriously, what’s with all the god damn exclamation marks and other punctuation?
Still, nothing beats Thee Michelle Gun Elephant. (I think it’s so ridiculous, it’s genius!)
I know this wouldn’t fit anywhere on the list, but I once enjoyed listening to a Korean boy band called H.O.T. in the 2nd grade.
H.O.T. stood for High-five of Teenagers.
Dr. Dog – great band, horrible name
Lynard Skynard – it makes me cringe at least
Chumbawumba – do I need an explanation?
The Band – yeah, we know…
The The – really, c’mon
ditto on the misspellings & numbers
Wow… “The The” and “The Band” are pretty awesomely glaring omissions, but you can’t question Question Mark and the Mysterians!
And Bort forgot BOAT in “caps lock is cruise control for cool” contest.
Imagine looking for The Music in your local CD store.
An all consonant construction like like “xbxrx” is a pretty good canidate as are bands that insist on bizzare mixtures of lower and uppercase letters like Dallas band “girlsRISEwithHEAT” (Bonus points for no spaces as well.)
Surely no list of appalling band names can get away without Test Icicles, although latest NME hypes Joe Lean And The Jing Jang Jong come close.
I agree with Saliva, Test Icicles and The The. I always thought U2 had a really corny name.
ahem….Matchbox 20 was only Matchbox 20 for their first album. Since 2000′s Mad Season they have been “matchbox twenty” – all lower case, no numbers. ahem. just thought ya might like to know.
turbonegro?
Hey, don’t sleep on Anal Cunt from Boston. Check out their A Team theme cover.
Sufjan Stevens… I mean, c’mon — what is that?
I can’t believe no one has mentioned Zoogz Rift and his Amazing Shitheads yet.
echo and the bunnymen
RE: What? No Spinal Tap?
Actually they came in at number 27. Right after Puppet Show.
I agree: The Music and The Band are way too generic. At least the latter had a reason for their title; “The Music” just comes off as sheer laziness.
Unpronounceable/ungoogleable names like !!! (“chk-chk-chk”?) and Sunn 0))) can grate… but I admire their stubborn commitment to semi-obscurity that their chosen moniker dictates.
More-than-a-mouthful/”clever” names like A Bullet For My Valentine, Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin, and Cute Is What We Aim For always evoke cringes. Four syllables max, for just about any quality band name, says I.
More exclamation point bullshit:
On! Air! Library! (saw them live with Interpol and were actually quite good, but are now defunct)
The AVClub put up an excellent, brain damage-inducing roundup of last year’s absolute worst:
http://www.avclub.com/content/node/57488
Choice selections:
Brutal Dildos
Honkytonk Homeslice
Tony Danza Tap Dance Extravaganza (seriously, WTF?)
Here Comes Old Vodka Tits
Death metal bands never cease to amaze by their vapid attempts at scandalous obscenity. Too many examples to cite; just combine something along the lines of [dead body (preferably a child)]+[religious reference]+[verb denoting fornication or murder]
Oh, and enough with bands having the words “fire/flame,” “wolf,” “white,” or “black.” Too goddamn many already.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs – who forgot them?
And “Cute is What We Aim For” never quite tripped my trigger. It’s like they shot Death Cab for Cutie or something. Stupid.
GODSMACK
SOLAR ANUS
Isn’t there a band on the charts right now that goes by the name Skillet? Now that’s a shit band name.
elvis hitler ?
Staind
The Disco Biscuits
Crash Test Dummies
Weather Report
The Velvet Underground (possibly the highest ratio of awesomeness to shit band name)
String Cheese Incident
At The Drive-In
Steely Dan
Savage Garden
Neutral Milk Hotel
The Guess Who
Fountains of Wayne
Lollipop Lust Kill
Four words: Red Hot Chili Peppers.
And I know we’re not supposed to reference metal, but “Cattle Decapitation” might be the worst band ever in the history of ever.
HOOBASTANK…I mean come on…
You are all forgetting about the worst band name of all time:
CLAP YOUR HANDS SAY YEAH
gorky’s zygotic mynci outta be up there
Some of these are more obscure than others…
The Automatic Automatic
T.I.T.S.
Measles Mumps Rubella
They Shoot Horses Don’t They
Tralala
Someone Still Love You Boris Yeltsin (love it or hate it)
!!!
Priestbird
Shout Out Out Out Out (wait, is that 3 or 4 outs?)
I love them, but Handsome Furs???
HELLO! the Vaselines, my chemical romance come on!
Modest mouse…..
Simple Minds…..
My Bloody Valentine (I mean come on)…..
I remember a review years ago in a hardrock magazine of an EP by a band called Vampire State Building. Actually, I have always remembered it because I thought it was such a brilliant name, but I figured I’d post it here anyway
what about dm21-i21-39mna ?
Circle of Dead Children
Wake Up on Fire
Boyz II Men
Where’s Godspeed You! Black Emperor?
Can we start a Best Band Names ever list? I’ll submit the best one I’ve ever heard:
Probably Vampires
I am a big Jason Molina fan, but nonetheless, Songs:Ohia was a terrible name. Magnolia Electric Co is much better.
OOIIOO
Shit Disco anyone? I also hate Babyshambles, as it ruins a legitimately badass, rock-star reputation. And no one has mentioned the annoying period of Prince using some doodle sign.
Also, NME has a weekly nomination of worst band names. Most of unheard of, but still makes you think. Why start a band if it no one can say the bands name with a straight face?
what about the Samuel Jackson Five? Great postrock band and a really ridiculous band name…
New Fast Automatic Daffodils
I gotta admit, much as I love Of Montreal, any band that starts their name with a preposition such as Of is sorta asking for it.
Also, Final Fantasy.I love his work, but his name so hard to explain without confusion.
Though not a real band (from the British TV show Peep Show), I always liked/hated ‘Mama’s Cumquat’.
I think Minus the Bear is such a stupid band name. I refuse to listen to that band based on that horrid name alone.
Puddle of Mudd is a perfectly reasonable name (band sucks though) and the Smashing Pumpkins is a joke that sounds cool. And Anal Cunt and Meat Shits deserve a place as well.
What do you think about The Circle Jerks..
yeah, ‘better than ezra’ is a terrible, awful band name. other nominees – spooky tooth, sigue sigue sputnik, who else – blue swede, nurse with wound, bone thugs ‘n’ harmony, dead kennedys (is not on the list!!!???), revolting cocks, steely dan, orchestral maneuvers in the dark, nitzer ebb, gwar, PM Dawn, ok i better stop with that! agree with ‘clap your hands say yeah’ – ugh dear god…but i think most indie rock bands coming out these days have names which are way too self-consciously trying to be cutesy, its really annoying.
oh my god, how could I forget 80′s canadian ‘rockers’ – THE BLOW MONKEYS
???
What about God Lives Underwater
Puddle of Mudd is absolutely not a reasonable band name, unless you use the rationale that spelling “mudd” with two “d”s is insanely stupid, and thus fitting for an insanely stupid band.
This is one of the only band names on Cracked’s list that I thought really deserved it.
The Mr. T Experience is an awesomely-named awesome band. For reals. And Fountains of Wayne is a cool name too.
I have to put a vote in for Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! Put them in with Puddle of Mudd in the category of “bands with stupid names that suck,” along with Cute Is What We Aim For.
Scary Kids Scaring Kids is a crap name.
I hope someone names a band Clit-Ass-Trophy someday (rhymes with “catastrophe”), and makes a list like this one.
The more I think about it and visualize, the cooler “Porno For Pyros” really is.
Simian Mobile Disco is a stupid name, imo, as well.
sunn 0)))
okay, not a big fan of their music, but panic! at the disco is a perfect name for the band- circus-y, emo-y, c’mon
i feel like The The should be on here. who am i to say, though?