Kids arrested at concerts? Happens all the time, and some bands bring out the riffraff more than others — but it’s safe to say everybody was a little surprised to read about the sixty-plus arrests made by Hershey, PA police at J. May’s Saturday night show. But then you remember his core demo (daughters) and the coo-coo for underage drinking PA police (been there), and you have yourself an incarceration party. John addressed the issue as he knows best: being funny on his blog.
This weekend, at my concert in Hershey Pennsylvania, 63 audience members were arrested for various drug and alcohol offenses. Seeing as I have always kept a strong line of communication with my fans, I’d like to take a moment to address this unfortunate incident.First, to the 46 people accused of underage drinking; what were you thinking? You have your whole life to engage in underage drinking. What’s the hurry? I didn’t start underage drinking until I was 26. Underage drinking is not an function of age, but of style. And you kids are way too young to truly appreciate the nuances of true underage drinking.
Though the names of the arrested were not released to the public, I was able to obtain them by way of my well-placed source in the Hershey police department. Upon first glance, I find it interesting that of the 63 arrested, 55 were named Kyle.
And to those reading who believe that 63 arrests is on the high side, it actually doesn’t even make this tour’s top ten. Night two of Red Rocks Ampitheatre in Colorado saw more than half that capacity crowd placed under arrest, and in Houston, Texas two weeks ago, I myself was ensnared by the long arm of the law when I was cited for illegally soliciting an undercover canine cop. (My apologies to Champ II.)
In looking to the future, I hope that this will serve as a wake-up call to young fans who may be thinking about engaging in illegal activity at one of my concerts. If I happen to be walking backstage and I see any of you young men passed out drunk on a stretcher, make no mistake about it, you will come-to in front of your disappointed parents with a face full of Sharpie and the sneaking suspicion that you’ve been teabagged by one of Time Magazine’s 100 most influential people of 2007.
I’m here (for you!),
John Mayer
Almost trying too hard for a laugh. But then he said “teabagged,” and we submitted.
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not totally strong throughout, but that last paragraph is hilarious.
good grief, the comedian’s a bear!
****1/2
55 Kyles. Sharpies. And suspicions of teabagging. Hilarious.
This almost makes me not despise John Mayer
he is redeemed.
Haha, not bad. lol @ Champ II.
ha ha… the juxtaposition of teabagging and time’s most influential of 2007 seemed wildly… appropriate.
kill whitey
well done john. well done.
oh johnny mayer…how you amuse me so.
Wait, am I really bad at detecting sarcasm or did everyone actually think that was funny?
although I loathe his music i have to hand it to him, he’s pretty funny. perhaps he could consider a career change that would allow me to like him.
No he’s-a not – he’s-a wearin’ a neck-a-tie!
THANK YOU RYAN!
God john mayer. You’re so funny. you should do stand-up. lolz.
(the last paragraph was actually hilarious though. if your tagged as one of the most influential people in the world, damnit you gotta milk that son of a bitch for every joke its worth)
my girlfriend thinks john mayer is funnier than david cross. should i take action? and, if so, what action should i take? a david cross educational campaign? a nice clean break up? thoughts?
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