And down goes Clarkson! (via KellyClarkson.com)
“?A lot has been made in the press about my relationship with Clive [Davis]. Much of this has been blown way out of proportion and taken out of context. Contrary to recent characterizations in the press, I’m well aware that Clive is one of the great record men of all time…I really regret how this has turned out and I apologize to those whom I have done disservice. I would never intentionally hurt anyone. I love music, and I love the people I am blessed to work with. I am happy that my team is behind me and I look forward to the future.”- Kelly
Aah Kelly. Lovely even in defeat. But don’t feel bad about the crow you’re choking down. You’re not the first musician to offer a sorta-humiliating apology for doing something stupid, and you definitely won’t be the last. To help cheer you up, we’ve put together some other famous mea culpas from the last few decades.
Rick James apologizes to Mary Sauger (1994)
“Remember that time I held you hostage in a hotel room for twenty hours and burned you with a crack pipe? Well, hindsight is always 20/20, but in retrospect I probably should have let the crack pipe cool down before I touched it repeatedly to your exposed thigh. I’m really sorry that happened. Live and learn, I guess.”
Kanye West apologizes to George W. Bush (2005)
“During the Katrina benefit telethon, I used a poor choice of words to describe my feelings about President Bush. In fact, the President and I have a good relationship, based on mutual respect: I fully support him in the War on Terror, and he hates me because I’m black.”
Gary Glitter apologizes to young boys (2002)
“Duh-duh-duuuuuuh-duuuuuh-duuuuuh-HEY!-duh-duh-duh. Duh-duh-duuuuuuh-duuuuuh-duuuuuh-HEY!-duh-duh-duh. Bumpa-dumpa-bumpa-dumpa-bumpa-dumpa-bumpa-dumpa. Sorry I molested you. HEY!”
Biggie and Tupac apologize to each other (1997)
“Biggie, I’m sorry I faked my own death, blamed it on you, and then died ironically in a small-plane crash en route to the Tahitian island where I had planned to live the rest of my days.”
“Tupac, I’m also sorry that I faked my own death, blamed it on you, and then died, also somewhat ironically, while eating a giant plate of ribs in the backseat of a moving limo on the way to the small plane that was to take me to my own private island.”
“In retrospect, we made some poor choices in our lives.”
“Yes. Let’s rap about it from beyond the grave.”
Sinead O’Connor apologizes to NBC (1992)
“During a recent episode of Saturday Night Live, I made a poor choice and defaced a picture of the Pope on live television. I realize now that my actions were immature and unwarranted, and if I have offended anyone, including the capitalist pigs at GM, the fascists at the FCC, or that dirty whore Victoria Jackson, then I am truly, deeply, sorry.”
Avril Lavigne apologizes to Peaches (2007) (via text message)
“omg im so fckn sry!! 
”
Chuck Berry apologizes to anonymous woman in bathroom (1990)
“I’m not even sure why I’m the one apologizing here. I mean, you’re the one who pooped on my camera.”
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real fucking newsworthy, thanks for tip stereogum
Wow, this is so not funny. Not that it’s inappropriate, it’s just not funny.
shut up matt, this article made my day
Well I liked it! I thought it was funny AND I learned some things.
this is hilarious!!
Thank you, Kelly.
Not get down on your knees and SUCK MY OLD COCK!
Wouldn’t Glitter have apologized to young girls?
Perhaps you’ve confused him with Father _____ (fill-in the name of your local parishioner).
RUFF RUFF
Scott,
Please go back to posting legit music news stories.
The fake stuff is annoying and not that funny. Its not what i come to this site for. Thanks.
Leave the comedy to john mayer
exactly what did she do that was stupid? insist on recording her own material? that doesn’t seem stupid. isn’t that what we hope an recording artist would do? standing by her own songs and hoping that a listening public would do the same? well, perhaps naive, but hardly stupid. i could go for a bit more naive these days.
i am enjoying the notion of golden eared clive davis as some kind of pop music mafia don. now that’s a behind the music i’d tune in for.
I think “Kate” and “Jade” are Stereogum sockpuppets.
The fake stuff would’ve been funny, had it been real. It wasn’t. Funny, that is.
wow. that was a mighty big shark you just jumped!
ben, you’re a pretty sad bastard if this article made your day. you need to get out more.
Whether it’s funny or not, there’s something pathetic about people feeling the need to bash someone for a trivial, good-humored article. Start your own fucking website.
i’m a fucking tool who bashes people who bash people that don’t like the above article posted. i’m going to hang myself now in my mother’s closet.
Hey, I thought it was funny!!!
Dear Stereogum,
Why are so many of your readers such douchebags? Please advise.
Thanks,
Adam
Dear God,
Why did you make me into such a douchebag? Why wasn’t I aborted? Please Advise.
Thanks,
Adam
this is the reason that Stereogum.com is the first site i go to when i go online. half humour/half indie-rock-fandom/half-craziness that i need to start up my day.
Dont change a thing you guys
<
MUAHAHAHAAHAAHAAA!!!
BRILLIANT.
hey tim, youre a dickhead.
stereogum didnt used to have so much dumb shit as it does now.
and i know change isnt always bad, and i know that he can post anything he wants, but seriously, this is a music-blog. when half of the story you post is a “joke” with made-up quotes that arent funny, people will be upset.
point is, stick to posting the music stuff, and if i want funny ill read Garfield. Thanks
i never thought JAG was really that great of a chef anyway…
FINALLY! SOMEONE LIKES GARFIELD!
Sockpuppet? That’s a first!
No really, I liked it. It made me LOL, as the kids say. More power to you, SG.
i enjoyed it and laughter came out of my mouth
Dear Tim,
Three halves don’t make a whole. Go back to community college and take some fifth-grade math classes.
Love,
D
hi. i’m gay.
you’re all fucked, except the one’s with whom I agree.
I mean: you’re all fucked, except the ones with whom I agree. I think.
I laughed.
Hilarious! Especially Avril. Bravo.
Justin,
They won’t “go back.” They’re gonna keep posting funny stuff no matter what some random dude called Justin says. I bet you’re so frustrated you could pop, huh?! You suck, dude. Go read Pitchfork if you want serious. And enjoy those great Garfield strips. And stop being a damn troll. ‘THANKS’
I love the guy who keeps imitating people here, and honored to be an inspiration. He’s really on the job. Too bad more people don’t have a life so they could do the same.
Your turn!
On second thought:
I’m a fucking loser who imitates people who bash people for bashing the article above. I’d hang myself in my mother’s closet, but I’m too scared.
haha. this gets my vote for one of the more ridiculous stereogum forum bitchfests
my mother is a rape victim, and should’ve aborted me.