It’s getting to be that most wonderful time of the year — chestnuts, snowmen, presents, Santa, and in England at least, the coveted “Christmas #1.” Crazy that the top of the charts at XMastime is so huge over there. It’s the biggest shopping week, so it’s partially economic, but it’s also like a giant bet-worthy, trophy-waving contest. Over here? No one really seems to give a shit. (Come on, who buys music?) Giving that unofficial UK competition the tongue-in-candy-cane treatment, the Black Arts — Black Box Recorder, Art Brut, and Keith Top of the Pops — unleash a meta-narrative, a Holiday song about a holiday song that becomes a monster, flooding television and radio and going gold, filling the charts with joy. The universal-as-”Happy Birthday” tune reminds us a bit of the Kinks “Father Christmas” colliding with Eddie Argos doing a keg stand. Just in time for Top Of The Pops’ annual Christmas special (it’s off the air otherwise), the song’s accompanying video’s packed with sleigh bells, glittery stars, a Bob Dylan homage, artificial show (likened to the devil’s dandruff), psychedelic closeups of BBR’s Sarah Nixey talking about an obscene Father Christmas-type, and dancing children (i.e. “other festive stuff”). Don’t know the words? No worries, follow the bouncing ornament and sing along.

(Via P4K)

Very cool. Great song … and funny! Have you noticed that Argos likes yelling about “Top Of The Pops“? Right? Okay, we’re starting to get in the spirit of things — thank you, Black Arts — so here’s a fueled-by-Wiki list of Christmas No. 1′s from the UK’s Christmas past…

Any surprises?:

1952: Al Martino – “Here In My Heart”
1953: Frankie Laine – “Answer Me”
1954: Winifred Atwell – “Let’s Have Another Party”
1955: Dickie Valentine – “Christmas Alphabet”
1956: Johnnie Ray – “Just Walkin’ In The Rain”
1957: Harry Belafonte – “Mary’s Boy Child”
1958: Conway Twitty – “It’s Only Make Believe”
1959: Emile Ford & The Checkmates – “What Do You Want To Make Those Eyes At Me For”
1960: Cliff Richard & The Shadows – “I Love You”
1961: Danny Williams – “Moon River”
1962: Elvis Presley – “Return to Sender”
1963: The Beatles – “I Want to Hold Your Hand”
1964: The Beatles – “I Feel Fine”
1965: The Beatles – “Day Tripper” / “We Can Work It Out”
1966: Tom Jones – “Green Green Grass of Home”
1967: The Beatles – “Hello, Goodbye”
1968: The Scaffold – “Lily The Pink (song)”
1969: Rolf Harris – “Two Little Boys”
1970: Dave Edmunds – “I Hear You Knockin’”
1971: Benny Hill – “Ernie (The Fastest Milkman In The West)”
1972: Little Jimmy Osmond – “Long Haired Lover From Liverpool”
1973: Slade – “Merry Xmas Everybody”
1974: Mud – “Lonely This Christmas”
1975: Queen – “Bohemian Rhapsody”
1976: Johnny Mathis – “When A Child Is Born (Soleado)”
1977: Wings – “Mull of Kintyre” / “Girls’ School”
1978: Boney M – “Mary’s Boy Child-Oh My Lord”
1979: Pink Floyd – “Another Brick in the Wall (Part 2)”
1980: St Winifred’s School Choir – “There’s No One Quite Like Grandma”
1981: The Human League – “Don’t You Want Me”
1982: Renée and Renato – “Save Your Love”
1983: The Flying Pickets – “Only You”
1984: Band Aid – “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”
1985: Shakin’ Stevens – “Merry Christmas Everyone”
1986: Jackie Wilson – “Reet Petite”
1987: Pet Shop Boys – “Always on My Mind”
1988: Cliff Richard – “Mistletoe & Wine”
1989: Band Aid II -” Do They Know It’s Christmas?”
1990: Cliff Richard – “Saviour’s Day”
1991: Queen – “Bohemian Rhapsody” / “These Are the Days of Our Lives”
1992: Whitney Houston – “I Will Always Love You”
1993: Mr Blobby – “Mr Blobby”
1994: East 17 – “Stay Another Day”
1995: Michael Jackson – “Earth Song”
1996: Spice Girls – “2 Become 1″
1997: Spice Girls – “Too Much”
1998: Spice Girls – “Goodbye”
1999: Westlife – “I Have A Dream” / “Seasons In The Sun”
2000: Bob The Builder – “Can We Fix It?”
2001: Robbie Williams & Nicole Kidman – “Somethin’ Stupid”
2002: Girls Aloud – “Sound Of The Underground”
2003: Michael Andrews featuring Gary Jules – “Mad World”
2004: Band Aid 20 – “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”
2005: Shayne Ward – “That’s My Goal”
2006: Leona Lewis – “A Moment Like This”

Holy nostalgia. The Beatles deservedly owned in the early ’60s, but what happened after 1999, friends across the pond? Judging from that crud, maybe the Black Arts will make it to the top of the charts this year. “Christmas Number One”‘s out 12/3 as a download and then on 12/10 as a limited-edition 7″ via Fantastic Plastic. Happy holidays! We’re just talking to the kids.