Black Crowes Respond To Phony Maxim Review
So did you hear the one about how the Black Crowes have a new album coming out? Well, they do! That's the joke. But actually, it gets even funnier, thank you Maxim. Now, we bet if we told you to close your eyes and predict what the new Crowes record would sound like, you wouldn't have a hard time doing it. You liked the Crowes old stuff back when you were into bajas, so did we. So now, take a second to imagine the new album's sound in your brain. And then come up with some descriptors. We'll wait.
OK. So you probably said stuff like "classic" and "rockers," that the guys liked to get fucked up, and that the music owes debts to the "Allmans" and "the Stones." Well congratulations, you practically guesstimated Maxim's review of the album! And you're probably not even a professional music writer. In a two-and-a-half circle (stars were taken, we guess) review, the mag's David Peisner says:
The Black Crowes - WarpaintA fair review, maybe? Turns out the Crowes are super pissed about it. Not so much about the "slavish debt" thing, as much as the "there's no way you could have even listened to our album yet so this entire review is based on bullshit" thing. Their response to Maxim after the jump.
The Black Crowes already sounded like grizzled classic rockers on their 1990 debut. While it certainly was a neat trick for a bunch of wasted twenty-somethings to pull off, it hasn't left Chris Robinson and the gang much room for growth. Now that they're legitimately grizzled, they sound pretty much like they always have: boozy, competent, and in slavish debt to the Stones, the Allmans, and the Faces.
Via blackcrowes.com:
MAXIM MAGAZINE REVIEWS ALBUM WITHOUT HEARING ITYeah no needs to wait to hear an album, really. That shit just takes time. Better to write first, listen later. Stick it to 'em, Black Crowes*, somebody had to take a stand against the fucked up journalistic ethics of Maxim. Goodbye, integrity! Never again will we take their word for the world's 100 Hottest Pregnant Women seriously.How is it that a magazine can review an entire album--and assign a star rating to it--without actually hearing the album?
Case in point: the "review" of Warpaint--the new album by THE BLACK CROWES--in the March issue of Maxim magazine. The writer--who has not heard the album since advance CDs were not made available--wrote what appears to be a disparaging assessment anyway, citing "it hasn't left Chris Robinson and the gang much room for growth."
Incredulously, the magazine gave the album a two and a half star rating--although neither the writer nor the editor could have heard more than one song (the single "Goodbye Daughters of the Revolution").
When approached for an explanation, the magazine described the review as "an educated guess preview." Huh?
Black Crowes manager Pete Angelus says, "Maxim's actions seem to completely lack journalistic integrity and intentionally mislead their readership. When confronted with the fact that they never heard the album they are claiming to 'review' in their music section--with a star rating, no less--they attempt to explain that it was an 'educated guess.' In an email correspondence, Maxim went on to state: 'Of course, we always prefer to (sic) hearing music, but sometimes there are big albums that we don't want to ignore that aren't available to hear, which is what happened with the Crowes. It's either an educated guess preview or no coverage at all, so in this case we chose the former.'"
Angelus continued, "It speaks directly to the lack of the publication's credibility. In my opinion, it's a disgrace to the arts, journalism, critics, the publication itself and the public. What's next--Maxim's concert reviews of shows they never attended, book reviews of books never read and film reviews of films never seen?"
*Hey Crowes, here's the bad news: There's an outstanding chance that Maxim review will be better than those from outlets that actually, ya know, hear the record. That will be embarrassing. Just a heads up.
Posted at 6:15 PM
Tags: The Black Crowes
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Aw man, this sucks... because I ALWAYS go to maxim for my in-depth, educated, music criticism...
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"hey dude let's see what MAXIM said about the new Radiohead album...
"i will, right after i check out those tits on page 4"
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It does suck, give the record a fair evaluation man...
But I guess if the cover features Avril, and it says she "Rocks" then I guess Maxim is not quite sure what "rock" is...
You know what, Maxim who cares, it is for pre teens...
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the pictures of avril are hot, though.
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it's maxim...whadya expecT? see, this is why i read blender...
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A lot of reviews of the Crowes seem to infer that trying to sound like the Stones and the Faces is a bad thing. What's wrong with that? They could have picked a lot worse bands.
I'm looking forward to the new album. My educated guess is that I'm going to like it.
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Here's my review of the next Maxim:
The new issue of Maxim has a partly-nude starlet on the cover, and more teasing shots on the inside. There are a few articles about drinking, one about why young men need to be concerned about their prostate, and also a few not even half-assed "reviews" of movies and films that come out after they go to print.
Also, more ads than content, many of them for "body spray" that hairless 7th grade boys use in lieu of taking showers in gym class.
In other words, it's bullshit.
1.5 stars.
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From the samples I've heard on their site, it sounds like it's going to be a pretty solid album. Luther Dickinson from the North Mississippi Allstars is their new guitarist and played on the album. They put on a hell of a live show as well.
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Motherfuck the Crowes - is Avril still on the hunt for a boi?
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Beautiful...just beautiful. I'll be sticking to Paste and Relix for my printed music information needs. Maxim should focus on T&A and leave music coverage to people who respect bands/artists enough to listen to their work before passing judgment.
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Yes, okay, Maxim is shit for music. But still, that is a fucking shoddy review practice. "An educated guess preview"? So they lied, basically, with the two-and-a-half rating. I'd be pissed at them too, but I probably wouldn't give them so much credit for being journalistic paragons.
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This lineup sucks!
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I bet Avril's pussy smells really bad
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Great, now we've got a guy reviewing p*ssy he hasn't smelled.
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Lucas: Holy fuck that is funny shit.
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nevermind the review. i want to know the hard hitting truth about why women secretly love porn.
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If you read MAXIM you obviously have no taste in music.
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black crowes are docked two and a half stars for misuse of the term 'incredulous'.
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so had anybody considered the possibility that this album has leaked, maxim acquired a copy of it, and the crowes were pissed off from the review so they tried to corner maxim into admitting that they had duplicated plagerized material? (maxim would say "yes, we got an early copy of it" crowes would prosecute?)
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I have to be completely honest:
I like the smell of what Lucas probably thinks is "bad pussy." You, that B.O. smell during sex? I think it's great. It's hot. It's like, you know you're making the girl wet and all, and that's just her natural pheromones kicking into 5th while you make sweet, sweet love. C'mon Lucas. Have you ever had sex before? I have. And I think it's great when my small bedroom wreaks of pussy. I'm not lying folks. I masturbate to smells. Give me some sauteed garlic scallops and vagina scented candles and I cream my jeans, no lie. There's just nothing like the smell of a woman. God fucking damn. I'm losing it right now.
But wait. Where was this headed?
Oh right, Avril.
Yeah, I bet her pussy fucking stinks, like, worse than a Mexican's. You ever have Mexican tang? I myself have not, but I've heard for awhile now that it's different. My best friend is a Puerto Rican, and even he says so, and dude has been with a bunch of chicks. He seems to prefer mostly white jawns, but every now and again he makes it with Latinas, and he always tells me about they just smell, and taste, different. I'm super curious. Anyone able to shed some knowledge?
Oh yeah though, I bet Avril's just real unkempt. But I dig that B.O.
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a conspiracy.
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Skip, you're in luck! I just started selling vagina candles! Made from real vaginas.
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While I could care less about a music review in Maxim, this could come back to reflect poorly on Blender, as both magazine's are published by Dennis Publishing
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First of all, i don't read maxim for music reviews.
Secondly, its not possible that the cd leaked and someone at maxim got it. They didn't give out any advance copies. That is why this caught there attention, because there is no way maxim could have heard the album.
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"An educated guess preview"?
Wow. If I used that logic while taking my SATs, maybe I could've logged a better score!
DwD
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lolzers
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So many aspects of this are fucking hilarious... I cracked up at "and educated guess preview"...
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Vagina Candles...now that's something even Kiss haven't marketed yet!
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I saw The Black Crowes once on New Years Eve. Couldn't tell you why. We had one leftover ticket and so we gave it to this bum in front of MSG. We get into the show and he comes stumbling in. Motherfucker was high as shit. He started taking pictures of random people without asking and he accused me of not knowing the "two equations to weigh the world: one with and one without people." He then yelled at me because apparently I'm not bros with Trey Anastasio like he is.
It worked out in the end though. He gave me his Sidekick and wandered off. Never saw him again.
Based on that I'm going to give Warpaint one star. That is unless you are high or with someone who is high, in which case this motherfucker is five stars.
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Here I am reading Stereogum comments for Latina sex advice, that's incredulous!
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I would have laughed if it weren't so fucking embarrassing. This makes journalists look really bad, even though Maxim probably doesn't count.
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Either of the first two Black Crowes albums is better than 99.5 percent of what is worshipped, for about three months, by your average Stereogum reader.
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first off, the crowes fucking rule. they always have. i love them whether its cool to or not. second of all, f maxim. whether its a good source for music info or not is not the point, its irresponsible reporting.
and two people commented 'couldn't maxim have heard a leaked copy and reviewed based on that.' maxim admitted that they hadn't heard the album. they said it was an 'educated guess.' basically they just made the shit up. its whack.
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Man, fuck the Black Crowes - did anyone read that skip guy's post? WTF!
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"Of course, we always prefer to (sic) hearing music, but sometimes there are big albums that we don't want to ignore that aren't available to hear, which is what happened with the Crowes."
So wait until the next issue? It's not like there's absolutely nothing else that's come out that they could attempt to review in its place.
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OK, It's because of sub par journalists like you that the absolute disregard
for any respectable journalism by Maxim perpetuates itself.
People that like to get fucked up? Classic Rockers? It's assholes like you that come to my shows with your frat boy buddies and talk the whole time, throw shit, and act like drunken idiots. Please do me a favor and tell as many people you can that the Maxim interview is fair so that I don't have to deal with you and your asshole friends at shows anymore.
You couldn't understand if you tried.
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Maxim and musical tastes??? Isn't that like George W. Bush and competence?
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I'd be more pissed at the fact that they're being included in a RAWK issue with that dumb lil' cunt on the cover. At least the Crowes are TRYING to do what dey do, uniquely. They're playing the whole new album as the 1st set of all of the upcoming shows! that deserves auto-cred!!
Also, the Crowes base fans like the nod toFaces and Stones. Why would anyone ever try to emulate the GREAT MUSIC of Morrissey? At least the redundance comes from a great source.
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I've been following this story with glee since it broke. Ever wondered how those professional reviewers found the time to listen to new albums and form opinions on them?
Guess what, they don't! At least that's my dilemma about reviewing records solved - why spend hours slavishly listening to new records when you could just MAKE IT ALL UP? Passion for music obviously doesn't exist the higer up the media food chain you go...
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I resent the Black Crowes' manager using our idea for his own gain and not even giving us credit. At http://didntseeit.com we've been reviewing movies we haven't seen since June. (And we're always right.)
For what it's worth, the new Black Crowes album is OK but not very good.
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Skip, fuck you. I've had plenty of Latina vag, and it's sweet like brown sugar. White chicks on the other hand always smell like bologna.
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The single "goodbye..." is f'n killer! The music is really rootsy and Wilco-ish meets an old blues guy type of sound.
You gotta give The Black Crowes props for doing real music in these days of Britney Spears, horrible indie rock, etc.
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hey gerard,
what are you talkin bout? credit for what?
doofus
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Wait, the Black Crowes are still around? Some small amount of people still gives a shit and reviews their records? I want reviews of the new records by Snow and OMC.
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You know so little about music you have no business writing anything on the topic. In fact, you're writing is terrible to begin with. Ever take an English course before? Go back to Conor Oberst and Colin Meloy idiot.
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Hey, Mando, I'm back.
No need to say "fuck you" to me. I was just posing a question. If it is sweet, awesome! Seriously I want to try some. I'm uncertain of your gender, so if you're a dude any chance we could shave you down and hookup a mangina thing while I fuck you in the ass face to face so I can at least pretend you're a chick?
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"In fact, you're writing is terrible to begin with. Ever take an English course before?"
The jokes write themselves.
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The review is probably pretty accurate, though. I would guess. Educatedly.
If I'm going to fault Maxim for anything, it's for not taking any risks in their guess-review. The Black Crowes will sound like the Black Crowes? Shocking!
Review that helicopter solo in the forthcoming Animal Collective, or the funk song from Radiohead's next album. Be bold!
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I agree. The Black Crowes are going to have to do something other than get press about refuting a negative review. Oh, maybe write a good album.
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(shaking my head)
since when was Maxim ever taken seriously? its soft porn for the high school set. some hot chicks in there though... and if you ever dated one you know why sometimes they're better in a magazine. which reminds me; latin pussy is great.. just think cinnamon.
as far as the black crows?.... meh... my dad digs 'em. they had a great debut but really matchbox 20 is WAY better. if you don't get the connection you probably can't hear The William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger either. so much for education... I fell for that whole "carpe diem" thing.
Avril is hot. she does not rock at all but she is smoking hot! stinky puss and all.(yeah right) she's still selling records too... and you have to PAY to JOIN her website (like PORN) WTF!
canadian pussy is niiiice. especially the western region so i'm betting Avril's is pretty nice too.
LA pussy is the best simply because it's made up of all the best pussy in the world coming here to try to make it big so you tend to get to see a lot of it.
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skip, please enlighten us on the wonder that is asian pussy....
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/2008/01/20/11-asian-girls/
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Wow! You guys crazy. Shouldn't we all have integrity here....
Give The Crowes and Nas and whatever else Maxim/Blender didn't hear and gave reviews to...well, some support.
March in the streets! TAke it back.
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I don't get it. If Maxim wanted to do a "pre-emptive review" or whatever the shit they called it, why not show off how clever they were and just call it that? I could imagine Maxim saying, "We haven't heard the Black Crowes' new album yet, but here's our review of it anyway!" As it is, this seems like the dumb first half of an inside joke with no follow-through.
And, yes, I'm overthinking it a little.
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"Maxim's actions seem to completely lack journalistic integrity"
SAY IT AIN'T SO! I, for one, am shocked.
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hey gary, avril is from ontario, so she's eastern pussy! also, they review NAS' new album in the issue and it has come out that they did the same thing with that review as well. but really, who here actually believe that most reviewers give the art a chance before writing about it? foolish.
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@ historyman68:
Your comment: *EXACTLY* what I was thinking.
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The Black Crowes are crap....always have been, always will. Can anyone blame Maxim for not wanting to hear that tripe?
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WHOA!
LA TIMES JUST BROKE THIS -- MAXIM WRITER DAVID PEISNER DEFENDS HIS BULLSHIT:
http://theguide.latimes.com/blogs/soundboard/2008/02/28/exclusive-maxim-scandal-updates-david-peisner-speaks/
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Yeah, this is crazy. Is David Peisner a real writer? Or does he get paid nothing --- anybody know what else he has done besides maxim?
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