Premature Evaluation: R. Kelly - Trapped In The Closet: Chapter 13
Since we know how much you loved the Trapped In The Closet: Chapter 13-22 preview (oh, shit) and you just can't wait 'til Monday when ifc.com kicks off its one-new-chapter-daily Trapped-athon, we didn't think it fair for you to miss out on the sneak peek at Chapter 13 ifc gave us today. Because you love serialized hip hoperas, and we love you.
The story picks up with R. (as our hero Sylvester) and Gwen's brother Twan in the familiar, sweet ass SUV, going on some unnamed, shady mission. The two enjoy some joking banter, and then Twan tries to smoke a joint while they're driving. But Sylvester's a law-abiding citizen (further proof Kelly deserves an Oscar for this character), and there's no way he's allowing this illegal activity to go down in his ride. Sylvester lets him down diplomatically ("Man, you crazier than a fish with titties if you think I'm gonna let you smoke that shit in my car"), and then we're ushered off to Rosie the nosy neighbor's house, where we meet her husband Randolph (played ably by, yep, R. Kelly -- think Cletus Klump meets Grampa Lebron, only with erectile dysfunction).
Here's where R. displays his mastery over recreating old-folks dialogue: the two start-stop bickering over Rosie's need to be nosy, Randolph finally giving her permission to snoop on the neighbors out their window ("Go ahead then ... I hope a pigeon fly by and shit on yo' face"). Then back to the car with Sylvester and Twan. They drive. Then wait. Then R. lights a cigarette.
The end. Oh, the big cliff-hanger?
R. singing "time goes by ... one hour later..." And that's it! Oh, shit. Pretty uneventful, but in a post-peek interview R. says he wanted to "start the beginning pretty much like this, to make people feel like they're at home with it." The benevolence of R. Sylvester Kelly, boundless as always, set to a sexy R&B groove. Just getting started, people.
Remember to go to ifc.com/trapped on Monday for the start of the Trapped marathon. After they've put up all 22 Chapters, they'll air the whole thing as a feature film at 9PM on Friday 9/7, followed by an exclusive interview with the Closet brainchild himself. That's all for now, kids. But of course we weren't gonna letcha go without a few grabs of Kelly in his finest Eddie/Lebron gear. For your desktop:
Posted at 1:19 PM in Premature Evaluation
Tags: R. Kelly
man trapped in the closet is the funniest thing ever.
Score = 0
is this a comedy? a "dramady" perhaps? i guess its about as funny as pretty much every other rap song i hear that is unintentionally funny
Score = 0
HEy you guys should check out Akon on www.imf.com He's this amazing new artist with a great voice and smooth R&B sound. The backbeats are incredibly mindblowing and sensual. He's really one of my favorite artists (I've got all his songs on a playlist on my ipod!) www.imf.com it's all there! Check it out!
Score = 0
jdubs, your comment is stupid and (gasp, gonna say it) racist.
this is not rap. this is intentionally funny. you are a fucking dolt.
Score = 0
"HEy you guys should check out Akon on www.imf.com He's this amazing new artist with a great voice and smooth R&B sound. The backbeats are incredibly mindblowing and sensual. He's really one of my favorite artists (I've got all his songs on a playlist on my ipod!) www.imf.com it's all there! Check it out!"
Fuck you.
Score = 0
It's intentionally funny at this point.
RANDOLPH: Hope a pigeon fly by here and shit on your face.
ROSIE: If it do, if it do ... then I'm gonna wipe the shit on you.
Score = 0
Akon? An amazing new artist? who hasn't heard of akon?
Score = 0
This is the biggest event in Film / TV / Web history! R. Kelly is turning over the mattress on Cult Films and cult filmmaking. Thank you for giving it the proper respect it deserves.
Score = 0
nick you're the fucking dolt. The only reason you pull the race card on jdubs statement because he doesn't like a song by a black artist? That is racist.
Score = 0
no it's not racist. pulling the race card when it's unwarranted does not make you a racist. that's specious logic at best, and people need to stop yelling that whenever anyone brings up the issue of race. however, pulling the race card in this context - when nothing jdubs said was even remotely racist - does make nick an idiot. a big one at that.
Score = 0
This thing wasn't a comedy when it started out. R is trying to pretend like he was in on the joke now, but I'm not buying it! Looks like it's still funny, but it's not as good when we're laughing WITH him..
Score = 0
You know whats wierd and shitty?
Making fun of Billy Corgan but not this crap. Yes, this is crap. I'm not sure how you can review it without being disturbed. But hey, it's always much easier to rant on Billy Corgan and SP, isn't it?
In Stereogum's book (included the majority of its indie readers,) Crap = good reviews and Something good = character analysis of ego, selling guitar as a joke but not the music.
You suck stereogum. So do the rest of you shitty ass indie kids. Get a life and enjoy something that isn't "it's indie, underdeveloped, raw but shitty, but hell, i like it because i want to be considered indie".
Score = 0
You know whats wierd and shitty?
Making fun of Billy Corgan but not this crap. Yes, this is crap. I'm not sure how you can review it without being disturbed. But hey, it's always much easier to rant on Billy Corgan and SP, isn't it?
In Stereogum's book (included the majority of its indie readers,) Crap = good reviews and Something good = character analysis of ego, selling guitar as a joke but not the music.
You suck stereogum. So do the rest of you shitty ass indie kids. Get a life and enjoy something that isn't "it's indie, underdeveloped, raw but shitty, but hell, i like it because i want to be considered indie".
Score = 0
You know whats wierd and shitty?
Making fun of Billy Corgan but not this crap. Yes, this is crap. I'm not sure how you can review it without being disturbed. But hey, it's always much easier to rant on Billy Corgan and SP, isn't it?
In Stereogum's book (included the majority of its indie readers,) Crap = good reviews and Something good = character analysis of ego, selling guitar as a joke but not the music.
You suck stereogum. So do the rest of you shitty ass indie kids. Get a life and enjoy something that isn't "it's indie, underdeveloped, raw but shitty, but hell, i like it because i want to be considered indie".
Score = 0
You know whats wierd and shitty?
Making fun of Billy Corgan but not this crap. Yes, this is crap. I'm not sure how you can review it without being disturbed. But hey, it's always much easier to rant on Billy Corgan and SP, isn't it?
In Stereogum's book (included the majority of its indie readers,) Crap = good reviews ,and Something good = character analysis of ego & selling guitar as a joke but no focus on the music.
You s&%$ stereogum. So do the rest of indie kids. Get a life and enjoy something that isn't "it's indie, underdeveloped, raw but shitty, but hell, i like it because i want to be considered indie".
Score = 0
considering a song "rap" just because a black artist performs it is racist.
Score = 0
You know whats wierd and shitty?
Making fun of Billy Corgan but not this crap. Yes, this is crap. I'm not sure how you can review it without being disturbed. But hey, it's always much easier to rant on Billy Corgan and SP, isn't it?
In Stereogum's book (included the majority of its indie readers,) Crap = good reviews and Something good = character analysis of ego, selling guitar as a joke but not the music.
You suck stereogum. So do the rest of you shitty ass indie kids. Get a life and enjoy something that isn't "it's indie, underdeveloped, raw but shitty, but hell, i like it because i want to be considered indie".
Just in case anyone missed it.
Score = 0
You know what's wired and shitty? My homemade robot. Know what's WEIRD and shitty? Comment spamming. Shouldn't you be somewhere getting touched by your stepfather?
Score = 0
Triple posting is weird and shitty.
Score = 0
Thank you amfmpm, you made me laugh out loud. As does Trapped. I can't wait to hear more about Bridget and her baby with the midget.
Score = 0
why does this james guy keep defending SP even on articles where they're not mentioned? music taste is subjective, shut the fuck up please.
Score = 0
yes thank you from me too amfmpm, i howled...surely none of this is funny as Celine Dion's upcoming Timbaland album...now will that be intentional or unintentional funny?
the piece on it at http://preventjossstone.blog-city.com made me howl too...tho i expect her lawyers will be in touch...
Score = 0
I really don't care about these other artists you are discussing. R. Kelly's Hip Hopera is the schniznit!! Wnen Icon, Ackron or Enron (woteva) makes a video then I will view it, maybe. This is about Trapped in the Closet. Take notes.
R. Kelly is an INCREDIBLE talent and this work is an INCREDIBLE piece of art. I want to have his baby, but I am too old to have sex so I enjoy his work. Anyone who can't view this as entertainment, profantiy and all, is probably older than me and NOT having sex either. At least I can still enjoy the talents of a man who is too fyne, too talented and just simply too much. I can't wait to see Chapters 13-21, I am HAPPY I don't have to wait months between Chapters and I am HAPPY R-rah decided to continue the work, it is FABULOUS. Don't hate peeps, enjoy!! Ms. BlaqRubi to you..... Peace!!!
Score = 0
AMFMPM: GOOD ONE!!! That was funny. If it ain't about Trapped in the Closet, I don't want to read aobut other celebs here. I want to know if R-rah will be doing more Chapters, if he will consider having a private birthday celebration with me on my 50th next year (there will need to be a registered nurse and PLENTY oxygen on hand) and if he would let me try - for a few days - to have his baby, if he can take time out of his busy schedule and if I can find somebody to untie my tubes.
Trapped is THE BEST!! Gotta to find a tube untier!!! BlaqRubi....
Score = 0
One more think, Uma Flirt and a Gogetta... Nah!!!
Score = 0