Comments

ELI Manning is the fuckin Coldplay OF FOOTBALL. Second fiddle IN HIS GENETIC talent pool YET SOMEHOW with a ton of ACCOLADES. Does just enough SHIT right or INTERESTING enough to create a STEADY supply of "ELI Manning Is GOOD, Actually" bullshit PIECES that you TURN over in YOUR mind until THAT third L in a row MAKES you reconsider that maybe "Shivers" WAS actually always SOME gooey shit. But at the END OF the day, no matter HOW elite he MIGHT BE or how YOU MIGHT think "Wait, FUCK, I like "Clocks" still?" he's still THE SAME goofy LOOKIN motherfucker.
+17 | 11/15/16 2:24 PM
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You and YOUR children, the poor LOST souls, HAVE MY deepest sympathies on THIS difficult journey.
+2 | 11/15/16 1:56 PM
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The OTHER stuff means we're DONE AND a disaster, LIKE MY DEEP fried attempts and marriage, BUT DON'T you DARE shit on the COWBOYS on my watch, buddy. THAT shit is the one, SOLE gift from the NUMERO Uno UP above this fucking YEAR.
+1 | 11/15/16 1:36 PM
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SOME people just DON'T fucking KNOW how to EXPRESS themselves IN A goddamn COHERENT manner. LIKE THE schools FUCKING failed EM all or they JUST chose not to even GIVE A shit.
+9 | 8/25/15 6:29 PM
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BRO.
+3 | 8/11/15 9:31 AM
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Don't you TEST ME, michael_.
+18 | 5/9/14 2:29 PM
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THIS IS long and I'LL read it in a minute, BUT I JUST wanted to let you know I made you SOMETHING: http://goodbyegabe.tumblr.com/ I'LL miss you, GABE, AND I HOPE you fucking own fuckers WITH THE LOL'S and INTROSPECTION from here ON OUT. HAVE a very SINCERE and fun AND BEAUTIFUL dinner everybody.
+95 | 8/2/13 5:31 PM
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YOU'VE COME such A long way! (DO I know you?)
+8 | 8/2/13 3:52 PM
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WHATEVER you do, don't ACTUALLY GOOGLE "trampoline accident." I DID IT earlier today FOR MY GIFT and the third image IS SOMEONES ankle FUCKING SNAPPED off.
+8 | 8/2/13 3:45 PM
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SO, I'M guessing there WILL BE a final "I'M LEAVING" post, right? I HAVE A gift and want TO MAKE sure I leave IT IN THE right spot.
+15 | 8/2/13 3:40 PM
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http://cdn.c.photoshelter.com/img-get2/I00003y7Rstw9rOs/fit=1000x750/man-outdoors-drapped-in-an-American-flag.jpg
+17 | 8/2/13 10:45 AM
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HOW DO you guys KNOW I HAVEN'T been NUDE ALL these years?
+12 | 8/2/13 10:38 AM
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NEVER!
+6 | 8/2/13 10:37 AM
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I PRETTY much have NOTHING of note GOING ON IN my life TOMORROW, SO I'll be HERE TO WISH you GOODBYE, Gabe.
+19 | 8/1/13 6:25 PM
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AND my FLAG!
+20 | 8/1/13 6:24 PM
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CONGRATS on your FUCKING MARRIAGE, MURRAYNMITCH! Cherish THAT shit.
+20 | 8/1/13 6:23 PM
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WHY did you SACRIFICE YOUR wife, FACETACO? YOU didn't need TO GET THAT desperate!
+16 | 8/1/13 6:23 PM
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SEE my comment ON THE PREVIOUS ERBATCH article. WE see EYE TO eye.
+5 | 8/1/13 2:26 PM
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LOL, yeah THAT'S what I TOLD my parents was GOING on in THOSE VHS tapes, TOO.
+15 | 8/1/13 2:25 PM
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WHOA. Don't GOOGLE image HER UNLESS you have save search UP. LIKE second photo IS TITS OUT.
+8 | 8/1/13 2:07 PM
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I REGRET scrolling ALL THE way down TO THE BOTTOM, you fucking ASSHOLES.
+22 | 7/31/13 6:56 PM
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YEAH what happens TOMORROW? THIS Gabe leaving THING IS throwing the entire GUMVERSE out of WHACK!
+16 | 7/31/13 6:44 PM
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At LEAST IT'S got a LONG WAY to fall BEFORE IT gets as bad AS THE Office DID? NOT much consolation. STILL, WILL probably be BETTER THAN Community.
+9 | 7/31/13 6:21 PM
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GABE, I have A GIFT for you COME FRIDAY. Get PUMPED.
+22 | 7/31/13 6:07 PM
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GODDAMN. Do PEOPLE NOT read the ELEMENTS of FUCKING Style?!
+4 | 7/31/13 5:47 PM
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http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m17b3fNiyy1rqyxf8o1_500.gif
+4 | 7/31/13 3:47 PM
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GODDAMN you are REALLY bringing it BACK full circle this WEEK, GABE. On MONDAY, ARE we going to wake back UP and it'll be APRIL 8, 2008?
+10 | 7/31/13 3:40 PM
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EXCEPT FOR Gabe leaving; UNLESS, of course, YOU wanted that in WHICH case, WHAT THE fuck Ms. SPARKLE?! But yeah, SHIT'S adorable, right?
+4 | 7/31/13 3:10 PM
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NO MORE superheros PLEASE.
+2 | 7/31/13 3:04 PM
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ONLY FUCKING fools like GAMBIT. FUCK that guy.
0 | 7/31/13 3:04 PM
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WELL, STOP comma SPLICING first.
+2 | 7/31/13 3:02 PM
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OF COURSE they have LITTLE feet. HOW ELSE do you think THEY'RE going to WALK out of the TOXIC PUDDLES formed by THE Vietnam WAR 2 caused NUCLEAR APOCALYPSE? ONLY NIGHTMARES await US in the future. STINGRAY NIGHTMARES. GONNA be a cute fucking apocalypse THOUGH.
+7 | 7/31/13 3:00 PM
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That puppy video YOU DIDN'T put in THE LIST, Kelly, is indeed VERY SWEET and very MOVING, but goddamn it TURN YOUR phone TO THE side, WONDERFUL therapists!
+4 | 7/31/13 2:53 PM
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RELAX, Gabe. WE ALL know that OLD PEOPLE aren't REALLY people. They're JUST WEIRD! AND FUNNY! Definitely NOT mortal human BEINGS with their own wants AND REGRETS who are AT THEIR very end, GRAPPLING every day WITH THEIR own mortality AND IMPENDING deaths--TRYING to slow DOWN A propulsive MARCH that will LEAVE them as dust--so LET'S JUST all AGREE to LOTS OF LOVE along WITH THAT video!
+6 | 7/31/13 1:28 PM
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FALLEN sparks. FRAGMENTS of vessels BROKEN AT THE Creation. AND SOMEDAY, somehow, BEFORE THE end, a gathering back TO HOME. A MESSENGER from the Kingdom, ARRIVING at the last moment. BUT I TELL you there is NO SUCH message, NO SUCH home--ONLY the millions OF LAST moments... nothing MORE. Our history IS AN aggregate OF last MOMENTS.
+5 | 7/31/13 1:24 PM
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FUCK standing DESKS. WE are truly a society OF PEOPLE looking for FUCKING problems. "OH man, YOU HAD to work on your FEET ALL day doing ACTUAL labor to FEED your starving FAMILY on an UNDERPAID wage in this shitty economy? I know EXACTLY what you mean! I have TO SIT DOWN at work sOoOoOo much AND IT'S TERRIBLE! That's why I GOT A DESK where I can stand all DAY! LIKE a nurse! I'm so JEALOUS OF the "ACTIVE LIFESTYLE!" THEY get to live." - those FUCKING guys
+5 | 7/31/13 1:12 PM
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WHAT?
+11 | 7/31/13 12:09 PM
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"PEER POLL says: LADYRAINICORN decidedly not ROCKING hoodie, MOST SAY "slouching" TO BE more ACCURATE present PROGRESSIVE VERB"
+7 | 7/31/13 12:09 PM
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ONE DAY, someone WILL ASK Gabe what HE THOUGHT of his Videogum DAYS--what he GOT OUT of the blood, sweat, AND snark he poured INTO IT, the TECHNOJEREMYS he told TO relax, THE TERRIBLE fucking FILMS he had to ENDURE--and HE'LL look up, EYES brimming WITH tears, a FEELING deep DOWN welling UPWARD and coming TO A HEAD AS he smiles AND says "I was there when Gerard Butler hit 1 million fans on Facebook."
+23 | 7/31/13 12:03 PM
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That's A TERRIBLE photo. LOOKS like A joke.
+4 | 7/31/13 11:18 AM
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