Comments from Ben

This video is causing me to experience a serious existential crisis. What do I do... GUARANTEED? I honestly can't name a single thing, unless "disappoint" counts.
+6 |
April 9, 2009 on Forgotten Assholes Of History: The “Your Business Card Is Crap” Guy
Let's hope the "Femskins" tag never, EVER gets used again.
+13 |
April 7, 2009 on That’s Your Nightmare: Femskins
The giggling comes from the subconscious realization that the only way to distinguish the females in full-body white from the males is to glance at the thighs for a split second, no matter how little you want to.
+6 |
March 31, 2009 on The Voca People Will Torture You Until You Laugh
I've noticed that a good indicator of true rage is the use of the "I stopped paying attention when you ______" construct. No person in their right and sober mind can justify the use of that phrase in any capacity, so it only shows its face when somebody is blinded by ideological angst.
+5 |
March 27, 2009 on Homo-loving Liberal Elitist Grover Explains Marriage
Here's the thing, though. Fred Durst: 1 Critics: Fred Durst's entire musical career This situation is examining some of the themes touched on by The Reader.
+4 |
March 27, 2009 on In Defense Of Fred Durst, Surprisingly
I dislike Jeff Dunham, but it's not because he has a racist routine. It's because he has a racist routine that isn't even fucking funny. Come on, racism is like the easiest thing to pull off.
+9 |
March 23, 2009 on You Asked For It America, And Now You Are Going To Get It
The rage I feel toward Utah polygamists far, far, outweighs the rage I feel toward a show trying to get people to fuck with them.
+1 |
March 19, 2009 on Primetime: What Would You Do?: The Stupid Man’s Dateline: To Catch A Predator
I dislike watching Family Guy and, really, all of his other shows (How many does he have now, I don't even know), but I like Seth MacFarlane as a person. I'd like to hang out with him.
-1 |
March 19, 2009 on Seth MacFarlane Is An Alien From Planet The Worst
In ten years this sort of thing will have its own section on YouTube, nestled between "Nonprofits & Activism" and "People & Blogs." Old actors with dying careers will find their reputations revitalized simply by posting a video titled 'SMOKING: DARK FENGALI PIPE TOBACCOS, CURVED; WITH MUSIC "WHY SO SERIOUS"'.
0 |
March 19, 2009 on Old Man Smokes Pipes On YouTube While Being Pleased As Punch With Himself
Your username, avatar, and commenting style are so out of sync with each other that it's sort of amazing. You are the Donald Trump of cognitive dissonance.
+6 |
March 17, 2009 on You Can Ask This Shit Questions And It Ain’t Butter
When are we finally going to come to our senses as a community and realize that Norm MacDonald basically broke roasting with his tour de force at the Saget event?
0 |
March 17, 2009 on Gary Busey Roasts Himself
I'm glad I live in a country where an enterprising bystander can take advantage of a single bad situation to collect both potential fraudulent identities and future wank material.
+2 |
March 17, 2009 on Hahaha, Top Model Stampede
"Soulja Boy Made Xiao Xiao" is going to be like Loose Change combined with the moon landing and topped off with a thick layer of JFK's assassination.
-1 |
March 12, 2009 on Aww, Soulja Boy Was A Nerd!
Al Roker is frighteningly aggressive about his art.
+3 |
March 12, 2009 on Al Roker And Matt Lauer Aren’t Afraid To Paint Genitals
Well, it's good to know the person who wrote the summaries on the backs of Goosebumps books is managing to stay afloat even in this economy.
+11 |
March 11, 2009 on Whoever Writes The DVR Descriptions For FEARnet Is A Straight Genius, Son
Turtles make the cutest little noises and have the weirdest little penises.
+2 |
March 10, 2009 on Okay, Okay, The Turtle Making Love To The Shoe
I enjoyed it. The little changes bothered me less than I thought they would. Same with Zack Snyder's directing style. The movie itself gets a solid 8/10. The performances (The good ones, at least) get a 10/10, because fuck you they were awesome. And as a whole the movie gets a special, one-of-a-kind achievement award for being the best Watchmen will ever be outside of the comic book.
+5 |
March 9, 2009 on The Videogum Movie Club: Watchmen
Breath bated, awaiting the next episode of Third Roca from the Sun
+4 |
March 9, 2009 on Spanish Language Married With Children, Sure
Look. I'm not going to watch all of those. I'm way too busy, and they are way too terrible.
-1 |
March 7, 2009 on Comcast Dream Big, Or The Most Annoying Commercials In The World
Hey now, it's a bit unfair, calling him five like that, when a simple trip to Wikipedia reveals that he just celebrated his fourteenth birthday. Seeing a thirteen-year-old get up there and talk to people that effectively... why, it warms the cockles of my heart, which, at eighteen years, is six years older than his. When you consider that most other eleven-year-olds can't even tell you what an ideology is, this young man who has a decade under his belt only grows all the more impressive. Yes, the 9-year-old Krohn appears at first to be a gimmick, but you know what? I could see this plucky 8-year-old making a bid at the presidency in 2012. The only barrier will be amending the constitution to allow a 10-year-old to be elected president, but the chutzpah this 5-year-old shows in this video, I could very well see Barack falling to his wily 4-year-old charms tomorrow and not only put that amendment in place, but concede the presidency. Yes, having a 3-year-old as a commander in chief may seem odd at first. Yes, the other countries with leaders older than 2 years will laugh at us, and say we aren't to be taken seriously. But Little Johnny Krohn will just ball up his 1-year-old fists, climb back into his mother's staunchly conservative vagina, and wait to be born, so he can begin his term.
+2 |
March 2, 2009 on Kids Give Speeches On Conservative Values The Darndest Things
Christwire is 100% hilarious satire.
+2 |
February 27, 2009 on The Gay Agenda Is Going Viral
Wolverine's lover is hit by a truck but lives on in a vintage T-Bird? You're telling me you don't go see this movie? Wolverine meets and experiences a whirlwind romance with a sensitive older man while spending the summer after senior year in Paris? You're telling me you don't go see this movie? For fuck's sake, Wolverine discovers his estranged mother's journal in the attic and connects with her just as she's diagnosed with terminal cancer, AND YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME YOU DON'T GO SEE THIS MOVIE?!
0 |
February 27, 2009 on Whoops, Wolverine: Origins, This Is Your Poster
Calista Flockhart is technically still running on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich she ate in '94.
+1 |
February 27, 2009 on Jimmy Kimmel Says “Clit” On TV, The End
I must wonder whether the Blue Man Group is more excited for Arrested Development or Watchmen.
+21 |
February 27, 2009 on Friday Fight: Is There Any Hope For The Arrested Development Movie?