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I didn't get paid but only because I'm lazy. The guy who actually filmed the cat playing the keyboard before I was born, Charlie Schmidt, has been taking way more initiative than me and has been the one going out and getting all the deals lately. I got a few deals like that early on but then I got lazy. I mean it's his cat. I guess I technically own the phrase "Keyboard Cat" and I guess I COULD sue (my dad keeps telling me to sue) but I'm not a douche, that's such a douchey thing to do. If I wanted to make more money off of it I would have put in the effort to do so. Charlie put in more effort than me so he deserves more money. The end.
Haha, does it block tumblr in general or just MY tumblr? That's such an honor. Potentially.
God I hate that picture. Also I've lost 70 lb since then. Also I'm not a furry. Though my 15 year old cousin who made that suit for me (IT WAS FOR ROFLCON, IT WAS FOR BUSINESS, IT'S A BUSINESS SUIT) actually is a furry and does furry commissions and my mom got me in touch with her so she could make me a fur suit :(
I intentionally didn't link to it because it's all Pokemon and gay porn but thanks!
I took Videogum out of my Google Reader and only occasionally check it through @Videogum Twitter links because it was just TOO MANY POSTS for me to feel obligated to mark as read every day. And also, with Lindsay's unfortunate passing it felt like even MORE post because there's just so many Gabe posts now. And I like Gabe posts, but I don't want to get diaGabetes so I had to limit my Videogum consumption. Even though I don't read the site every day, I still feel like I'm part of the community, like how I still feel like I'm an Arrested Development viewer. I'm not sure how to turn this into constructive feedback? Maybe hire more writers? Or maybe Gabe could write in a different writing voices sometimes and we can pretend it's different writers? Maybe one that's LESS GRUMPY and has an accent? Suggestions!
Hey, your avatar is my business card. Here's a link to it. Now I feel compelled to make a joke about Avatar and "your business card sucks" but it's christmas eve and I'm tired.
I saw that this movie was in The Hunt and I came to this article and was all "Oh no he di'n't!" But then I read it and it turns out that you actually di'n't. So neat. The movie was unpleasant and stuff, but I was thoroughly satisfied with the mystery element of finding out why they all hate her, and then also the fact that it WAS a pretty good reason for everyone in your family to hate you. Also, this movie basically was a movie version of my teenage-self's worst fear of what could possibly happen if I screwed up while baby sitting my brother. I guess a successfully realized nightmare is still a success.
They should've hired a gay consultant because the nicknames "twink" and "hot bottom" are kind of contrary? I mean not really, but both terms sort of imply a bottom, one of them should imply a top. I mean twinks can be tops but it's not something you'd brag about on a porno DVD case is all I'm saying. Uh.
for sale: shut up, diaper face.
You say that as if the hunger for internet validation is, in any way, satiable.
I'm pretty sure the only week I would've been on Monster's Ball was the week Lindsay left, where I had over 100 upvotes. But there was no Monster's Ball that week, because of Lindsay's goodbye post. I MEAN, it was a crazy week... It probably shouldn't count. But still, every time I see Monster's Ball it's always like, for sale: baby's shoes, never worn.
Remember that episode of Stargate SG-1 where they turned the Stargate sideways and used the event horizon like a hot tub and Colonel O'Neill was giving Teal'c a bath, but O'Neill got wetter than he did?
At 41 seconds, what happens to her? Magical sparkles shine and she gets about 4 inches taller? What? Was she leveling up? Was it like Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, where he could switch between 10 and 17 for plot reasons? Except she was switching between like 18 and 19? I don't even--
I bought it because I've met Matt multiple times and he's an interesting guy with a great outlook on life and it's actually a relatively compelling travelogue coffee table book that's also only 10 dollars?
This is basically what the movie Up was like.
Missed opportunity: "Relax, Professor Farnsworth" followed up with "Relax, Cubert"
Here's why my dad had to see this movie (re: my comment above) for work, it's kind of long (and copied and pasted from my Tumblr) but it's pretty funny: My dad works for a military contracting company that sells a special kind of tank to the US army (as well as other armies) that detects roadside bombs. In the original Transformers movie (which came out before my dad worked there) the tank was used as Bonecrusher?s alternate form. In the movie, Bonecrusher and Optimus Prime had a chase scene on the highway. In this movie Bonecrusher was only in it for a few seconds as a tank that drove out of the meteor smoke near the end, when the satellite Decepticon sent the reinforcements. Because Transformers 2 was coming out, Hasbro sent hundreds of copies of Bonecrusher toys to my dad?s company, for their review. It would be super expensive to make tiny models of their tanks to give to clients, so instead my dad just gives them the Bonecrusher toy. But there?s a problem with this: Federal law prohibits you from giving government employees gifts that are over $20, and Bonecrusher only comes in a 2 pack with Optimus Prime, which is just over $20 by itself (or at least, it looks expensive enough to make the clients nervous about accepting it). So my dad has to separate Optimus Prime from Bonecrusher to devalue the gift. But then a new problem arises: Hasbro used to package Transformers as cars, but they found that after the movie was released the Transformer toys sold better if they were packaged as their robot forms. If my dad just gave a client the box, it would make sense that they?re in robot form, because they?re still in the box. But because my dad has to take them out of the box, he also has to transform them into the tank, or else it?d look weird. He?s given this to over 100 potential clients and colleagues, so he?s had to transform Bonecrusher over 100 times, and he?s had to find a way to get rid of over 100 Optimus Primes. He said he fucking hates Optimus Prime, which is understandable. My dad is like 50 and he?s a retired colonel and a lot of his time at his high paying job is spent transforming transformers.
There's really no faults you can hold against Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen that isn't already apparent in its title. Also, it's a sequel to a Michael Bay movie commissioned by Hasbro starring Megan Fox and Shia LaBeouf. Everyone knew what they were getting into before seeing it! There's basically two ways to see the movie, going into it with the intent to judge it by normal movie standards even though you know it's not a normal movie (I do that too sometimes!), or going into it knowing that it's really just an over produced saturday morning cartoon for ten year olds and viewing it as such--because no one is seeing this movie on accident and being like "Whaaat? Talking robots!?" Then of course the third option is to just not see it. And I wouldn't have seen it, but I had to see it with my dad, because he was only in town for a day and had to see it for work*. So, knowing it was going to be dumb, I just temporarily retarded my brain and it was a good time. Your description of the first 30 minutes of the movie sustained itself throughout the entire movie for me, because I was trying to have a good time at the movies, and I did! I'm sure if I was trying to write a sardonic blog post for work, it would've been more painful. Also, I thought that all of the human characters were surprisingly engaging enough, especially since every human scene felt like really long versions of the first few seconds before a music video starts. And I really liked how Optimus Prime and Bumblebee were insistent on being saturday morning cartoon characters despite the tone of the rest of the movie ("He-man super hero" and "magical secret best friend that's a portal to another world" respectively). The twins were terrible though! They kept reminding me that I'm better than this movie but then I had to psych myself out of it again. Anyway, I only saw Transformers 1 because I had just walked out of Die Hard 4 and I felt obligated to stiff the movie theater somehow, and I only saw Transformers 2 because of my dad (I'll expand on this in a reply) but both were relatively enjoyable for being what they were, and I would probably see Transformers 3. Because this was fun. It was like watching video game cut scenes on YouTube for a few hours. Which can be fun. Kind of.
DVR descriptions for the home shopping network.
Imagine if anyone else acted like this on the last day of their job. "I'm just going to be going about doing my work as usual, except I'm going to make the watermark on that Word document a faded image of a turtle with it's shell smashed off."
At the word "dancing" my eyes shifted to your avatar an then your username to try to determine gender. Anyone else?
Lindsay's departure was an earthquake that shaked Videogum so hard the polarity of An American Patriots comment ratings were reversed.
I actually spent about 10 minutes Googling to find out who was statistically the cutest Pokemon, because there's a cuteness stat, but it looks like cuteness isn't so much dependent on the speices of Pokemon but more dependent on the kinds of food you feed them. So a Mew would only be the cutest Pokemon if you fed it max leveled Sweet Poffins and equipped it with a Pink Scarf and taught it some combination of Metronome, Amnesia, Me First, Baton Pass, or Nasty Plot, which are all cute moves that it can learn on it's own, but I GUESS also since it could learn any TM or HM move, you could also teach it some cute TM moves. Though there aren't any cute HM moves. I checked! This is what I do at work.
The babies look like Mew but the adults look like Missingno :(
For some reason at the end I was like "Oh no, he made Conan touch his crotch and he has herpes!!! D:" ...Then I realized he didn't have herpes because that was a joke!
If we don't save the giraffes, who will help us reach the highest and most delicious leaves in the new world?
Congratulations, you've cultivated a world view where you will only allow ideas to affect you if they come from famous people, but not bloggers or strangers, no, you're far too smart to empathize with a commoner. This all must be working great for you. Have fun at dinner.
We've already established this.
It's like the premise of the movie is really just that one scene in the kitchen and then the rest of the movie was added to make it a movie.
I also nominate Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. It was SO BAD. Did anyone actually see it? Terrible. It was like a not good version of Babysitter's Club. Exact same story but with a dumber execution.
I like how one of the only lines in the trailer starts with "...sometimes..." which is trailer short hand for THEMEZ... But then he says what sounds like a generic Shrek impersonation?
That Frisbee molestation tactic was some Wile E. Coyote shit.
HONESTLY, "who is Tetra descendant of" is a stupid question but they we added that at the last minute to make the "What happened to the North Castle during the flood in Wind Waker?" question seemingly more relevant to Phantom Hourglass, since Tetra was about the only thing in Phantom Hourglass that related to the rest of the continuity, since (spoilers) it was basically just a dream. Tetra is a descendant of TP Zelda, duh! They're all descendants of someone other than the original Zelda because she didn't actually wake up until Zelda II which was way after most of the games. (Zelda I and II feature Hyrule with an ocean, which means it's post-Wind Waker)
This is only semi-relevant, but I wrote this commercial for The Legend of Zelda: The Phantom Houglass (/MTV). Don't even get me started on Zelda. Don't even vaguely reference it existing because that will also get me started on Zelda.
I like you because of your icon.