All the gritty middle class white people keepin’ it real on Fifth Avenue, and in better suburbs everywhere. My cousins who went to Emma Willard like this kind of stuff. So apparently it’s that demographic, and white trash in flyover states.

Don’t ask me, I’m just the messenger.

gay

Uhh, Alex, that’d be “What is the beef most likely to result in both parties bursting into tears?”

I mean, wtf. If the teen fag hags got their gats and popped a cap in this whiny retard’s ectomorphic ass that’d be entertainment. But what we see before us here is not entertainment.

I just saw a picture of Billy Crystal, old, puffy, facelifted, caked with makeup, and smiling like a robot for he camera.

He’d look like that.

Why do critics write such pompous crap? A fake intellectual trying to show off is like a Star Wars nerd telling you about his toy collection. It’s an inhumanly boring spew of meaningless non-information. Nobody but a like-minded retard can stay awake through it. Pro-tip: If Stereogum tacks on a disclaimer saying your views aren’t theirs, that’s your ticket to break up the droning monotony here and there with a little juvenile epater-la-bourgeoisie schtick. Some kind of brave, transgressive shit, like talk about shoving a yam up your cooze, or some shit. BUT NOT A PICTURE KTHX PLSFORGODSAKE. Whatever it takes, just wake the reader up now and then. Reward him for slogging through that far.

If you really must write about music, just tell us what the record sounds like and if they did it well or not. Better yet, since this is the internet, you can let us hear the music itself and spare us your godawful writing entirely.

As for Ms. Grimes, I see a lot of pictures and no audio, so I’ll make the only judgement I can: Yes, I’d totally do her. Doubt I’d do Julianne Escobedo Shepherd, even if she’s bangable. She might want to talk.

P.S. What a shame, Reimer dying so young.

Actually, it sounds more like White Knight Chris tried to start a fight than break one up. Would’ve been funny if he got his ass kicked trying to act tough, but I guess that’s why he only tries this stuff on guys in suits in the first class lounge. Much safer that way.

But it was definitely pure class for Cornell to go all bragging like “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?” on the guy. That’s the mark of a real hero.

Holy shit, it’s summer in the 90s again! This is everything that was great about them, but it sounds so fresh, like they just thought of it yesterday.

Simple: Maroon 5 play faggoty ersatz girl funk like perfectly competent North Korean androids, Foster the People are famous because nobody else showed up to be famous that week, and the Beach Boys are all either really old, dead, batshit crazy, or all of the above.

Phair and Del Rey are perfectly welcome to spend their careers in the special little Women’s Music Kindergarten, selling sexy pictures of themselves, making shitty music for the Lilith Fair crowd, and telling critics to pretend they’re good because they’re just girls and music is hard. It’s a free country, and it’s not like either one has any better options. But there are plenty of women in rock with the talent and chops to actually belong on a stage, and as long as there are, it’s childish and unreasonable of Phair to demand that all women be held to a much lower standard than men.

What a shame.

Nothing says “punk rock” like a well-venerated institution.

Peter Sinfield.

And Joel Gion should get two spots, ’cause he was the only reason to watch the movie.