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The Aztecs also had another ancient prophecy: "Roland Emmerich's movies suck baboon balls."
Benjamin Franklin invented the world's first throat lozenge and carved a map to the founding father's secret hemp reserves on the last known specimen, recently placed on display at the US Cough Drop Museum.
There's a few things wrong with your post. Mainly mentioning the words "genius", "calculated understanding" and "self-aware" when referring to those two hollowed-out ego corpses. I really think you're giving them too much credit in terms of "planning" anything in terms of becoming celebrities. They're just rich douche bags who fell ass over backwards into a equally douchebaggy reality show, momentarily baited the public into hating/caring about them via laughably staged non events and, have now thankfully (if we can all just stop watching) begun their inevitable trip to HasBeenville.
Arnold knows same sex couples have been getting a Raw Deal and should be allowed to get married and adopt Twins if they want to.
The funniest thing about the whole "God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" line of "reasoning", is that they're basically saying that since we're all directly descended from one man and one woman, then we're all basically the products of incest.
If you act now, Spencer will also throw in a side order of his special "Crazy Douche Bread".
I like to think of Larry the Cable Guy as the white Tyler Perry. Hundreds of thousands of Americans all across this country seem to love their brainless brand of hacky, one-note, aggressively unimaginative comedy. And thankfully, I don?t know a single fucking one of these people.
Hate to break it to you. This is a buzz marketing campaign for Gillette's new Salvia Smooth Shaving Gel.
OK, this trailer has convinced me. Justice Souter?s replacement on the Supreme Court should be a TV w/built in DVD player showing this movie on an endless loop.
This music is truly inspirational to dead-eyed, talentless ego corpses everywhere. With just an the right amount of auto-tuning and media coverage, you too can get that recording contract you've always dreamed of.
I was recently diagnosed with having a crippling fear of being caught within a 20 yard radius of an a capella group. The disorder is called being "human".
I love it when Fergie says "We really decided to take it to the next level with this album". I mean I was expecting them to just coast along and maybe cut and paste together a bunch of their voice mail messages over some lame Casio beats, but apparently that's just not the case.
Everyone knows that food tastes better when its smoked with old Sandra Bullock DVD's.
Some more fodder for this Ebert love-fest. Siskel+Ebert arguing while doing promos for their show. They each give as good as they get, but Ebert definitely has the upper hand http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUMZjy8rXE4&feature=related
Looks, great, but even though they're not involved in producing or distributing it, I'm sure 20th Century Fox will find some way to fuck this movie over (ie Office Space/Idiocracy)
Crank 2: Its Like Drinking Red Bull Though Your Butthole
So that's the real cause of Detroit's collapse. The city was bankrupted by their monorail system, just like Brockway, Ogdenville and North Haverbrook before them. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3xGtjhZ_Yg
Dudes you've all been duped. This is all a viral marketing gimmick by the producers of the movie "Tiny Tucker", the heartwarming tale of how a magical fortune-telling machine changes Tucker Carlson into a tween celebrity on the Republican speaking circuit. Its coming out this Spring, so get your 3-D glasses now before its too late.
Watching this show is like being in a crowded restaurant when you start overhearing the conversation of a group of idiots sitting nearby. At first you can?t believe how stupid their conversation is and as it gets more and more inane, your incredulity turns into obsession as you start surreptitiously craning your ear so that you can eavesdrop on them better. By the time they leave, you not only want to punch them in the face, but yourself as well.
Looks like Mr. Show predicted the future again.We need us an East Coast vs. West Coast Ventriloquism War. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ne0RrK5qJ-k
Yo, why no extra songs? I downloaded a demo of "Shake Your Rump" called "Full Clout" not too long ago, so that shit is out there.
You know why she fainted? Cause she was really hungary.
"See also: White Chicks" I think that's the first time anyone has ever constructively used the word "see" and the movie "White Chicks" within the same sentence.
Unfortunately, the awesomeness of Patton Oswalt is negated by the douche-a-tude of John Corbett, so even if I had Showtime, I don't think I'd ever watch this show.
This guy may be a racist, but he's definitely not a tastest. The dude is huuuuge, so you know he'll shove any kinda food into that fat face of his.
Dick Cheney is not in a wheelchair to gain sympathy. He's in a wheelchair to get respect. http://wapedia.mobi/en/Guy_Caballero
"A Dane Cook You've Never Seen Before" So ya mean that...(wait for it)...he's actually funny this time?
Is this a clip from that Slumdog Millionaire movie everyone keeps talking about?
Call me when these guys do an all-NWA cover album.
Here's a song I wanna record with it: Thiiiiiiiiis shiiiiiiiit azzzzzz fugggin software fugggin suuuuuuuuucks.
Back when I'd be so desperate for anything to read on the train I'd grab the NY Press, I'd always be curious to see what Armond White's review of a movie was and then take the exact opposite of his advice. If he liked a movie, I knew it was probably crap and if he hated a movie I knew I'd most likely love it. Thanks for all the inadvertent good advice Armond!
I'm sure this won't make me any friends, but does anyone else think the constant reliance on "guest stars" for this show is just a bit re-got-dang-diculous? Occasional stunt casting is one thing, but its getting so you have to wear a helmet and flame retardant clothing to watch. Just make a funny, interesting show and enough with the celeb crutches otherwise they're about three "very special appearances" away from achieving "Will & Grace" levels of cameo desperation.
Gwyneth, I'm redoing my bathroom and want a sink that looks like mid-80's CBGB's after a GG Allin show, but a contemporary version of mid-80's CBGB's after a GG Allin show. Where should I go?
A commercial within a commercial? Whoever made this is obviously the Michael Gondry of crappy local commercial directors.
I'm confuzzed. Why doesn't it end with her competing in the International Ramen Noodle Olympics that're held annually in Tokyo?
You forget Ninja Cat. J'accuse!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRpD4wjIkQ4&feature=related
I'm sensing wedding bells in the future between Cheetah Lady and San Diego's Cat Man (as well as the inevitable reality show chronicling their lives together) http://www.tattooblog.org/entry/catman-the-tattooed-stalking-cat/
Hey, I starred in a Matchbox 20 video in 1998. Where my super-stardom at!!!
I see this more as part of a viral ad campaign he'll soon be doing for Payless Shoes "Our prices are so low, we're practically throwing our shoes at you!"
Admittedly I had fireworks fights with my friends as a kid, but this is just beyond nuts. Every generation of teens must "out stupid" the one before them, though, so all I can say is...Bravo.