I'm more offended that he still uses hotmail. AM I RIGHT.
Right you guys? Hotmail is totally an archaic institution and gmail is totes where it's at?
...rimshot.
I work at the Gap, and I want to take this time to apologize for our pricing, because it is awful. As for the solemn look we customers give you when there is not a sale, it is most likely because our souls have been beaten to the point where we no longer feel feelings. "I WANT TO RETURN THIS FOR FULL PRICE WITHOUT A RECEIPT." The people say as they shove a worn and washed sweatshirt from 2008 in my direction. "I BOUGHT IT LAST WEEK I SWEAR." Much like the prostitute of commerce, I usually find myself staring at the ceiling and thinking of England every time a costumer tries to screw me.
I am not whining, once again I don't feel feelings, I just got back from an 8 hour shift where a costumer made me call every store in the tri-state area to find a pair of "anklepants."
I am lonely. I am depressed. What friends I do have in real life are all at least an hour away from me. I literally live an empty life of meaningless work with absolutely nothing to look forward to on a regular basis.
What I do look forward to?
The Monster's Ball.
So thank you.
Well as we all know, the red of the meat signifies important revelations in the plot of videogum.
Like how I can't caption now because nothing will be as good as your caption.
Next they'll pair Donald with Hitler...
OH WAIT.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ah63153bXx0/Sy27MqrNICI/AAAAAAAACt8/rLYbBh5jx7o/s400/donaldduck-meinkampf.jpg
Hey you guys, I thought it was super thoughtful of Bumblebee to shrink down so that he would not crush the city with his funky dancing. Not many giant robots would do that for a city.
Unfortunately, they are all back within the bosom of Mother Jersey right now...as we all know, no tornadoes have touched ground there after an incident where JWoww told a funnel cloud to f*ck off.
I don't know you know, he's sort of looking like a bitter NYU professor. You know, the kind that puts brandy in his coffee to face his class every morning?
I watched this show by accident that night while drunk on Scotch with no prior knowledge of what was going on. Here are a few things I said while watching:
"They are holding this at CIA headquarters!? Can you do that!? Everyone knows where the CIA is now. EVERYONE. WHAT IF IT GETS BOMBED. WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ALL OF THE INTELLIGENCE."
(When the head of the CIA got up to go attend to some business in the middle of the episode.) "Oh my god, you guys. Did he just save the world in the middle of Top Chef?"
And then I spent the rest of the time talking about Wiley Dufrense's name and how improbable it is, and how if you flip Beef Wellington upside down it is still Beef Wellington.
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