EGhead

Comments from eghead

You SHOULD toss in the towel after “Games of Cones”, because that’s the obvious best-ever answer right there.

+1 |
January 30, 2013 on Is This Fun?: Imagining TV Show Ice Cream Flavors!

Oh good, I feel better now.

+4 |
January 28, 2013 on Some Extraordinary News

I’m really sorry Taylor Swift doesn’t want to be your IRL BFF, Gabe, but please stop taking it out on your shift key.

+13 |
January 28, 2013 on Some Extraordinary News

Yes. The rest of us are singing it to “I Walk the Line”, duh.

+16 |
January 16, 2013 on Duh Aficionado Magazine: Drew Barrymore Has The Wine

Drew Barrymore’s, “I Have the Wine” is one of my favorite songs.

+2 |
January 16, 2013 on Duh Aficionado Magazine: Drew Barrymore Has The Wine

You know, you actually had a point about differing cultural references, but I’m not sure where the ‘heavyset’ part came in.

+2 |
January 14, 2013 on “I Have The Wine” By Johnny Cash

Butbutbut they were going to select only the smartest, healthiest individuals! You mean Space Eugenics is an impossibility?? Back to the ubermensch drawing board, I guess.

+2 |
January 10, 2013 on Are You America’s Next Top Space Bachelor?

I like how people think that saying “Wow, that was really tasteless and not very funny, and I really don’t think you should’ve have said that, because it makes you sound like an asshole” is the same thing as trying to take away their freedom of speech. No one is trying to pass any laws to get you to shut up, Jeffrey Ross. We’re just *telling* you to shut up, which is…. (wait for it)…. (wait a little longer)… FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

+9 |
August 13, 2012 on Roseanne Roast Post, Y’all

Oh, thank goodness! I was just wondering what to do with all of these sick beats I have.

+7 |
August 10, 2012 on Maybe We Actually Should #GETHAZED

Kelly, I think you have a problem, and that problem is spider videos.

Now that your addiction has progressed to the point where it’s beginning to affect those around you– i.e. US– you really need to seek help. It’s not just about you and your life anymore.

+2 |
August 9, 2012 on Do Not Watch This Video Of A Spider Molting

When I was but a little egg– maybe 7 years old– I was really afraid that there were monsters under my bed. I used to insist on sleeping in my parents’ room at night, because, as we all know, monsters don’t hide under parents’ beds. My dad was getting pretty fed up with this, so I decided one night that I’d have to convince him I was *extra* scared. I snuck out of bed, down the hall, opened their door, and screamed for dramatic effect. You know, because of the monsters?

Apparently my parents thought I was screaming because of something else, something that I couldn’t even see because it was so dark. But anyway, that’s how I got my first sex talk.

+11 |
August 7, 2012 on Ragu: For When Your Parents Are Getting It Wet

You know most eggs are brown, right? Or is this a ‘only white people eat eggs!’ thing, because I’ve never heard that one.

0 |
July 31, 2012 on Let’s Get Serious, Like This Olympic Gymnast’s Parents

“Xenophobic! Not necessarily racist! There’s a difference!” –a food visage… well, an *ethnic* food visage… which kind of damages his credibility, if you know what I mean (What I mean is I’m xenophobic, but definitely not racist)

+1 |
July 30, 2012 on Let’s Get Serious, Like This Olympic Gymnast’s Parents

Or they’re making a statement that being openly gay would hurt their careers, because the world is so incredibly homophobic still and maybe we should work on fixing that first. (Also, they’re Scientologists, and there’s probably no more homophobic religion than Scientology. So that’s another thing.)

+2 |
July 17, 2012 on Q: Which Famous Person Needs To Just Come Out Already? (A: None Of The Above.)

I say that, from now on, instead of assuming that everyone is straight until proven otherwise, we don’t assume anything! Or, actually, even better, let’s assume that everyone is gay until proven otherwise. “Did you hear about John Travolta?” “Yeah, I heard that guy’s married… *to a woman!* I’m pretty sure he could be straight!”

+4 |
July 17, 2012 on Q: Which Famous Person Needs To Just Come Out Already? (A: None Of The Above.)

I’m pretty sure that making fun of people for being mentally ill isn’t any better than making fun of people for being gay. Like, *pretty* sure, but who knows, really?

I think I’ll just stick to making fun of people who are so insulated by wealth and fame that they can’t recognize that they’re acting like jackasses. Also, Scientologists.

+4 |
July 17, 2012 on Q: Which Famous Person Needs To Just Come Out Already? (A: None Of The Above.)

Sweeeetttt. Lance Bass and I are totally getting married then, because I prayed for that shit *hard* when I was 12. I think the whole ‘gay’ thing is just to throw off the other NSYNC fans.

+5 |
July 17, 2012 on Katie Holmes’ Marriage Proves Existence Of God