Jordan Purkat

Comments from fb1335662506

I can’t be the only one who lost complete faith in humanity after reading the above thread, am I?

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January 30, 2014 on Cloud Nothings – “I’m Not Part Of Me”

Stupid. Grammar. Error.

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January 30, 2014 on Yuck – “Athena”


Seriously, Hebronix = meandering, boring, sleepy, Yuck w/o Daniel = the Shins with occasional freakouts (Middle Sea), but this song is still okay. I mean…that first Yuck album is the best debut album of any indie band in the last 10 years (except for probs Vampy Weeks, #ezra #rastam #2otherguys #pretentioussongsaboutshitthatdoesntreallyhappentopeoplethatdontliveinnycbutisstillsomehowgoodanyway), and then Daniel leaves to go do Daniel things and it’s like…………….the album with Max doesn’t rock. It just doesn’t. It’s like you that new Trix cereal: it still tastes basically the same, but it’s a completely different shape and you’re just like…what. Happened.


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January 30, 2014 on Yuck – “Athena”

I can’t be the only one who’s completely distressed at a so-called “indie music blog” featuring a column dedicated to JENNIFER NETTLES, can I?!!!!!!

Are there hipsters in Brooklyn reading this right now going, “Hmmm…maybe now I need to put down my horn-rimmed glasses and chai latte with extra moose extract for longer eyelashes and write a think piece about the career of Jennifer Nettles so I can really wrap my head around THIS think piece about the career of Jennifer Nettles and maybe subsequently glean a new appreciation for the crafty songbird that is Jennifer Nettles.”

GIVE ME A BREAK. The blog system is becoming almost as evil as the record companies.

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January 20, 2014 on The Week In Pop: Why So Serious, Jennifer Nettles?

And because I hate fighting on the Internet, I read your whole spiel above my comment and you seem intelligent and you know what you’re talking about, you’re just a very poor judge of sarcasm and jokes. Like, come on. If anyone believes that shit I wrote about being a stay at home dad you’re obviously hitting your peace pipes a little hard. Or fucking thinks I’m dead serious about Latina hipster girls. Jesus. Who cares! But anyway, Bret Ellis is one of my very favorite authors, too. I’m glad we can agree on that. Hahahahaha

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October 12, 2013 on Sky Ferreira Is Topless In NSFW Night Time, My Time Cover

Dear Lobster Dog,

I understand your opinion. In fact, I completely agree with you on most of it. What you need to understand is that it is hard to stop writing something (dumb as it is) when a lot of people read it. And a lot of people read it. My name, however, is not on it. Yes, my first name is on some, and yes I posted these comments, but whatever. When I get a real job, I’ll delete it (or while applying for a real job). Thanks for your concern, though. Also, it’s important to note that I play up the dumb shit so more people will read it and get reactions, much like Crania Americana’s and yours.

In short, it’s all calculated.

If you think for a second that I’m ACTUALLY SITTING HERE thinking my bullshit about Latina hipster girls is gonna get me a woman or that IT’S TRUE, you should probably stop being a self-righteous anonymous prick on the Internet (I know, because I too am a self-righteous prick on the Internet) and just realize IT’S ALL A BIG STUPID JOKE. The bro lingo is intentional, the dumb opinions about women are intentional, it’s aaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllll a big, stupid joke. It’s so stupid and primitive sometimes that I just do it for the ridiculousness of it and the fact that people read it and it seems to make them laugh for the most part keeps me going for whatever reason. I don’t care how it makes me look. It’s there for you to laugh at the ridiculousness of it, it’s not how I think and feel FOR REAL. CALCULATED…………you know? You really seem like the type of guy (woman? who knows, you’re anonymous, and it’s easy to be mean when you’re anonymous…the beauty of the Internet, right?) who reads Hipster Runoff and gets their undies completely in a bunch, sooooo just chill out, let it go, it’s a stupid fucking blog, you can give me shit about writing it all you want, I know how it looks and how I come off, it’s IDIOTIC. I mean, Christ, I wrote the word “boobs” about 74 times in the post, you think I’m SERIOUS……………..? Come on, now.

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October 12, 2013 on Sky Ferreira Is Topless In NSFW Night Time, My Time Cover

Also, your Bush joke in the Kate Bush thing was hysterical! I’m dead serious. You got some hilarious shit on here! I don’t even care that you’re hatin on my bullshit, if it’s genuinely funny I can get behind it, and you’re really funny!

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October 11, 2013 on Sky Ferreira Is Topless In NSFW Night Time, My Time Cover

I actually upvoted this, because this is awesome! I genuinely love your reaction!

Also, you used the term “self-aggrandize” which I’m a big fan of. Plus, you clearly just spent time reading some admittedly bullshit stuff that I wrote on the Internet and also took the time to copy/paste and all that, so I actually appreciate the effort! It’s way too easy to make people upset on the Internet, especially on music blogs, and even if you claim you’re not upset and I’m stupid and blah blah blah, you put some time in on that answer, plus you read some other ones, so I upvoted you cuz this shit genuinely made me laugh.

Also, the “our hero” thing…HAHAHAHA I love it.

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October 11, 2013 on Sky Ferreira Is Topless In NSFW Night Time, My Time Cover

Thanks, man! Go here for more hilarity:

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October 9, 2013 on Premature Evaluation: Pearl Jam Lightning Bolt

I have no idea why this band is popular. I tried to like them, I got the first two albums, but after rotting on my iPod for about 2 years they got the axe. It’s like a drunk 15 year-old girl’s idea of rock music.

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October 9, 2013 on Q&A: Sleigh Bells’ Alexis Krauss On Touring, ’80s R&B, And What Her Former Students Think Of Her Music

Yield is the shit, No Code is the shit, Binaural is the shit, Backspacer has 6 great songs and 5 meh ones, self-titled is the shit, Riot Act I bought like 6 years ago and have listened to it like twice, I haven’t heard the new one yet because I refuse to stream shit, but I’ll like it. I like “Sirens” even if it sounds like Grandpa Eddie beckoning us around the camp fire to tell us a story we’ve all heard 85 times already. I kind of agree with this douche that wrote the article in that Pearl Jam is too happy now. They are. They are way too happy. I don’t listen to Pearl Jam and expect buoyant, happy ballads and shit. I wanna hear the ANGST, man.

That’s why Eddie Vedder should start dating Lindsay Lohan.

If he started bangin that trash heap, he would inevitably become depressed, write crazier songs, and instead of walking into middle age with a smile on his face, he would get his ol’ Eddie scowl and be pissed again. Middle age does not fit this band. Contentment does not fit this band. Happy Eddie is like sad David Lee Roth…no one wants to hear that shit. C’mon, Eddie! Get miserable again! Bang Lindsay Lohan and then bang Taylor Swift and go on a bender. And I say that in the most loving way possible.

I have a similar argument for Rivers Cuomo. If he got divorced, it would be the best thing ever for Weezer, because happy Rivers is the worst thing I’ve ever heard. That pile of steaming dogshit Japanese album he put out is STILL ringing in my head and I only sampled 5 seconds of each song on iTunes. Just absolute dogshit. I FREAKIN LOVE MY LIFE!!! My god. Rivers, you’re 40 years old. What the fuck is this shit? I don’t even wanna know what the next Weezer record is gonna sound like…he’ll probably have a song on there about sox (excuse me, “sex”) again. Jesus Christ.

All that being said, I’ll probably love Lightning Bolt and it’ll go along side Vampy Weeks and Yeezus and Paramore (yes…really) in my BEST OF 2013 music list. Beady Eye is making that list too, even though all the fucking ballads.Jesus the ballads. Liam is the greatest singer in rock n’ roll history, and he gets on the list cuz he could sing Taylor Swift songs for the rest of his career and I’d still listen to him sneer.

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October 8, 2013 on Premature Evaluation: Pearl Jam Lightning Bolt

Did Stereogum just pick the worst picture ever to put of her on this story? Yikes. She reminds me of Ylvis with the fox costumes on.

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October 1, 2013 on Sky Ferreira Discusses Drug Arrest

Great article, great band, so underrated.

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September 16, 2013 on Cure For Pain Turns 20

I guess everything really is embarrassing now.

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September 16, 2013 on Sky Ferreira & DIIV’s Zachary Cole Smith Arrested