Jordan Purkat

Comments from Jordan Purkat

I can't be the only one who lost complete faith in humanity after reading the above thread, am I?
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January 30, 2014 on Cloud Nothings – “I’m Not Part Of Me”
Stupid. Grammar. Error.
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January 30, 2014 on Yuck – “Athena”
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Seriously, Hebronix = meandering, boring, sleepy, Yuck w/o Daniel = the Shins with occasional freakouts (Middle Sea), but this song is still okay. I mean...that first Yuck album is the best debut album of any indie band in the last 10 years (except for probs Vampy Weeks, #ezra #rastam #2otherguys #pretentioussongsaboutshitthatdoesntreallyhappentopeoplethatdontliveinnycbutisstillsomehowgoodanyway), and then Daniel leaves to go do Daniel things and it's like................the album with Max doesn't rock. It just doesn't. It's like you that new Trix cereal: it still tastes basically the same, but it's a completely different shape and you're just like...what. Happened. Anyway, BRING ON THE DOWN VOTES, BABY
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January 30, 2014 on Yuck – “Athena”
I can't be the only one who's completely distressed at a so-called "indie music blog" featuring a column dedicated to JENNIFER NETTLES, can I?!!!!!! Are there hipsters in Brooklyn reading this right now going, "Hmmm...maybe now I need to put down my horn-rimmed glasses and chai latte with extra moose extract for longer eyelashes and write a think piece about the career of Jennifer Nettles so I can really wrap my head around THIS think piece about the career of Jennifer Nettles and maybe subsequently glean a new appreciation for the crafty songbird that is Jennifer Nettles." GIVE ME A BREAK. The blog system is becoming almost as evil as the record companies.
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January 20, 2014 on The Week In Pop: Why So Serious, Jennifer Nettles?
And because I hate fighting on the Internet, I read your whole spiel above my comment and you seem intelligent and you know what you're talking about, you're just a very poor judge of sarcasm and jokes. Like, come on. If anyone believes that shit I wrote about being a stay at home dad you're obviously hitting your peace pipes a little hard. Or fucking thinks I'm dead serious about Latina hipster girls. Jesus. Who cares! But anyway, Bret Ellis is one of my very favorite authors, too. I'm glad we can agree on that. Hahahahaha
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October 12, 2013 on Sky Ferreira Is Topless In NSFW Night Time, My Time Cover
Dear Lobster Dog, I understand your opinion. In fact, I completely agree with you on most of it. What you need to understand is that it is hard to stop writing something (dumb as it is) when a lot of people read it. And a lot of people read it. My name, however, is not on it. Yes, my first name is on some, and yes I posted these comments, but whatever. When I get a real job, I'll delete it (or while applying for a real job). Thanks for your concern, though. Also, it's important to note that I play up the dumb shit so more people will read it and get reactions, much like Crania Americana's and yours. In short, it's all calculated. If you think for a second that I'm ACTUALLY SITTING HERE thinking my bullshit about Latina hipster girls is gonna get me a woman or that IT'S TRUE, you should probably stop being a self-righteous anonymous prick on the Internet (I know, because I too am a self-righteous prick on the Internet) and just realize IT'S ALL A BIG STUPID JOKE. The bro lingo is intentional, the dumb opinions about women are intentional, it's aaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllll a big, stupid joke. It's so stupid and primitive sometimes that I just do it for the ridiculousness of it and the fact that people read it and it seems to make them laugh for the most part keeps me going for whatever reason. I don't care how it makes me look. It's there for you to laugh at the ridiculousness of it, it's not how I think and feel FOR REAL. CALCULATED............you know? You really seem like the type of guy (woman? who knows, you're anonymous, and it's easy to be mean when you're anonymous...the beauty of the Internet, right?) who reads Hipster Runoff and gets their undies completely in a bunch, sooooo just chill out, let it go, it's a stupid fucking blog, you can give me shit about writing it all you want, I know how it looks and how I come off, it's IDIOTIC. I mean, Christ, I wrote the word "boobs" about 74 times in the post, you think I'm SERIOUS.................? Come on, now.
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October 12, 2013 on Sky Ferreira Is Topless In NSFW Night Time, My Time Cover
Also, your Bush joke in the Kate Bush thing was hysterical! I'm dead serious. You got some hilarious shit on here! I don't even care that you're hatin on my bullshit, if it's genuinely funny I can get behind it, and you're really funny!
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October 11, 2013 on Sky Ferreira Is Topless In NSFW Night Time, My Time Cover
I actually upvoted this, because this is awesome! I genuinely love your reaction! Also, you used the term "self-aggrandize" which I'm a big fan of. Plus, you clearly just spent time reading some admittedly bullshit stuff that I wrote on the Internet and also took the time to copy/paste and all that, so I actually appreciate the effort! It's way too easy to make people upset on the Internet, especially on music blogs, and even if you claim you're not upset and I'm stupid and blah blah blah, you put some time in on that answer, plus you read some other ones, so I upvoted you cuz this shit genuinely made me laugh. Also, the "our hero" thing...HAHAHAHA I love it.
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October 11, 2013 on Sky Ferreira Is Topless In NSFW Night Time, My Time Cover
http://niceguysfinishlastagain.blogspot.com/2013/10/jordo-writes-about-hipster-music.html
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October 10, 2013 on Premature Evaluation: Pearl Jam Lightning Bolt
http://niceguysfinishlastagain.blogspot.com/2013/10/jordo-writes-about-hipster-music.html The best thing ever written about Sky Ferreira
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October 10, 2013 on Sky Ferreira Is Topless In NSFW Night Time, My Time Cover
Thanks, man! Go here for more hilarity: www.niceguysfinishlastagain.blogspot.com
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October 9, 2013 on Premature Evaluation: Pearl Jam Lightning Bolt
I have no idea why this band is popular. I tried to like them, I got the first two albums, but after rotting on my iPod for about 2 years they got the axe. It's like a drunk 15 year-old girl's idea of rock music.
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October 9, 2013 on Q&A: Sleigh Bells’ Alexis Krauss On Touring, ’80s R&B, And What Her Former Students Think Of Her Music
Yield is the shit, No Code is the shit, Binaural is the shit, Backspacer has 6 great songs and 5 meh ones, self-titled is the shit, Riot Act I bought like 6 years ago and have listened to it like twice, I haven't heard the new one yet because I refuse to stream shit, but I'll like it. I like "Sirens" even if it sounds like Grandpa Eddie beckoning us around the camp fire to tell us a story we've all heard 85 times already. I kind of agree with this douche that wrote the article in that Pearl Jam is too happy now. They are. They are way too happy. I don't listen to Pearl Jam and expect buoyant, happy ballads and shit. I wanna hear the ANGST, man. That's why Eddie Vedder should start dating Lindsay Lohan. If he started bangin that trash heap, he would inevitably become depressed, write crazier songs, and instead of walking into middle age with a smile on his face, he would get his ol' Eddie scowl and be pissed again. Middle age does not fit this band. Contentment does not fit this band. Happy Eddie is like sad David Lee Roth...no one wants to hear that shit. C'mon, Eddie! Get miserable again! Bang Lindsay Lohan and then bang Taylor Swift and go on a bender. And I say that in the most loving way possible. I have a similar argument for Rivers Cuomo. If he got divorced, it would be the best thing ever for Weezer, because happy Rivers is the worst thing I've ever heard. That pile of steaming dogshit Japanese album he put out is STILL ringing in my head and I only sampled 5 seconds of each song on iTunes. Just absolute dogshit. I FREAKIN LOVE MY LIFE!!! My god. Rivers, you're 40 years old. What the fuck is this shit? I don't even wanna know what the next Weezer record is gonna sound like...he'll probably have a song on there about sox (excuse me, "sex") again. Jesus Christ. All that being said, I'll probably love Lightning Bolt and it'll go along side Vampy Weeks and Yeezus and Paramore (yes...really) in my BEST OF 2013 music list. Beady Eye is making that list too, even though all the fucking ballads.Jesus the ballads. Liam is the greatest singer in rock n' roll history, and he gets on the list cuz he could sing Taylor Swift songs for the rest of his career and I'd still listen to him sneer.
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October 8, 2013 on Premature Evaluation: Pearl Jam Lightning Bolt
http://niceguysfinishlastagain.blogspot.com/ Polica rules
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October 7, 2013 on Poliça – “Warrior Lord” Video
Did Stereogum just pick the worst picture ever to put of her on this story? Yikes. She reminds me of Ylvis with the fox costumes on. http://niceguysfinishlastagain.blogspot.com/2013/09/i-just-heard-that-song-fox-by-ylvis-for.html
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October 1, 2013 on Sky Ferreira Discusses Drug Arrest
http://niceguysfinishlastagain.blogspot.com/2013/09/the-last-word-on-miley-cyrus-because-i.html
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September 25, 2013 on Watch HAIM Cover Miley Cyrus’s “Wrecking Ball”
Great article, great band, so underrated.
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September 16, 2013 on Cure For Pain Turns 20
I guess everything really is embarrassing now.
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September 16, 2013 on Sky Ferreira & DIIV’s Zachary Cole Smith Arrested
Fuck the 1975. Go back to 1975 and figure out how to make good music and then come back, dumbasses. As for Tropical Monkeys, they aren't Oasis so who cares.
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September 16, 2013 on Arctic Monkeys, The 1975, And Britpop Today
This makes me think of when Grimes commented on that Dead Girlfriends' feed on this here Stereogum a few weeks ago...I was so proud to be in on that Internet fight :')
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August 26, 2013 on Watch Grimes Interview 2 Chainz, Riff Raff, Snooki, Richard Simmons, & More On The VMA Red Carpet
Fuck no...Matchbox 20, though!
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August 25, 2013 on Watch MGMT Play Letterman
Hey, I actually LIKE the Black Keys! Cuz they're not "psychedelic." I mean, they're "bluesy," which is annoying, but they actually ROCK so it's fine. No one rocks anymore. Indie rock used to be subversive, it used to be IN YOUR FACE and rockin, and now it's bullshit used for fucking car commercials. I'm sick of it. And then Daniel Blumberg goes and leaves Yuck. OKAY, DANIEL. GUESS YOU WANNA MAKE SHITTY RECORDS THAT DON'T ROCK AND CALL YOURSELF HEBRONIX. I mean, come ON. And of course I still love all the indie the blogs tell me to love, I love Lana and Phoenix and Vampy Weeks and Arcade Fire and LCD but STILL. Something's gotta change here. I mean, pretty soon we're gonna have some hot hipster chick doing nothing but Danzig covers on a fucking fiddle and kazoo and getting a 9.5 from Ian "I Love Pop-Punk But Green Day Sucks" Cohen. (I actually messaged a P4k reviewer on FB once and yelled at her about her fucking 8.5 for a Blur live album. I mean, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? For a LIVE ALBUM? I love Blur, but Oasis is my favorite band, so I guarantee Oasis makes a live album, P4k goes, "Liam's voice sounds horrible and Noel seems disinterested," but as soooooooon as Damon Albarn does something cool, P4k is about as premature as a high schooler on prom night.) So yeah, watching MGMT makes me angry because I'm a musician and if I got a chance to be on fucking Letterman you're sure as hell not gonna see me acting like a fucktard wearing idiot 60's clothes and banging a fucking massive cowbell and then bitching about my fame and how "I make records I wanna make" and blah blah blah. "Congratulations," MGMT. You suck. Go "smoke grass." I don't even care that all my shit got downvoted, I'm fucking right. Post-collegiate malaise, baby!
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August 24, 2013 on Watch MGMT Play Letterman
See, then I read articles like this that still make me believe in indie music. This album is absolutely fantastic. People should just write about Modest Mouse every day and never mention MGMT again.
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August 23, 2013 on Backtrack: Modest Mouse The Lonesome Crowded West
Honest to God, I have no idea why these dipshits still have a career. The first five songs on their debut are excellent...and that's it. They epitomize the hipster bullshit fucking shit that I despise, and as you can tell by this performance, they clearly think that they're living in some 60's Munchkin paradise where they sit around and "smoke grass" and fuck girls that look like Oompa Loompas and then write dumbass "deep" songs about it. "Your Life is a Lie." Hmm...someone's mad that they wrote catchy, synth-pop songs that people actually LIKED, you know? "Ohhh we're really a progressive, 60's band that writes songs that no one in their right mind would want to hear if they're not 'smoking grass.'" Shut up. I'm so fucking sick of the 60's, dudes. I'm so sick of this psychedelic bullshit. Like, look at what they're wearing! Who do they think they are?! Brian Jonestown Massacre?!?!?!!!!!! There's a REASON dumbass hippies don't do anything for society, MGMT. Cuz they're dumbass hippies. "Smoking grass," or, excuse me, "dropping acid," hasn't done much to make MGMT's music better, now has it? "60's psychedelia, maaaaaaaaan." The indie blogs have tricked us into thinking psychedelia is cool. it is NOT. "Satanic Majesties" is vastly overrated, "Sgt. Pepper" is too far up it's own ass sometimes, fucking what else was psychedelic? Steppenwolf? The breakdown in "Magic Carpet Ride"? You'll never see some fucking indie blog going on about "the importance of 'MAGIC FUCKING CARPET RIDE' to 60's psychedelia" now will you? CUZ STEPPENWOLF DIDN'T WEAR CARDIGANS. AND NO ONE CLAPPED. THE AUDIENCE BARELY CLAPPED UNTIL LETTERMAN SAID SOMETHING. If I want to hear music that's this far up its own ass, I'll just throw on some fucking 60's Floyd record or something, because at least "See Emily Play" was good. Give me a break. They couldn't be more pretentious if Natalie Portman introduced them wearing a "Save the Trees" t-shirt while blasting the fucking Shins out of a boombox. GIVE ME A BREAK.
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August 23, 2013 on Watch MGMT Play Letterman
Also, I don't know if she saw it, but I apologize to Grimes and James for my indie-trolling. "Is This On Me?" is my JAM. That song kicks major ass. Indieness nowadays just makes me super angry. Keep making music, you guys. If you're getting a reaction it means someone's paying attention.
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August 1, 2013 on Deconstructing: Dead Girlfriends, Mansplaining, And When Being An Ally Goes Wrong
.................is there anyone else out there that is sitting there like, kind of amazed that Grimes AND James just commented on this? And subsequently realizing they spend way, way, way, way, too much time on the Internet? Hi, Grimes!
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August 1, 2013 on Deconstructing: Dead Girlfriends, Mansplaining, And When Being An Ally Goes Wrong
Am I the only one who feels like these things are only meant to garner more attention for your band? I mean, of COURSE he's gonna call it "Dead Girlfriends" and put out a song that may/may not be about violence towards women or whatever. It's calculated! I love Elite Gymnastics, I have not listened to Dead Girlfriends because when I went to buy the EP it's friggin 8 bucks for 4 songs, I mean COME ON, anyway...the way the indie blogosphere works, you do something maybe/kinda/probably controversial, then you watch the blogs slobber over it, writing provocative "think-pieces," when really, dude's getting what he wants: more publicity for his band, more hits on his page, more people listening to his maybe/kinda/probably controversial song, IT'S ALL A PART OF THE INDIE BLOG MACHINE THAT INDIE ROCK NEEDS TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF TO SURVIVE. Then all the intellectuals jump on the comment feed and start talking about other "issues" and how "we need to fix those, maaaaan" when really, it's a song that some dude wrote where he's like, "OOHHHHHHHHHH SHIT THE BLOGS ARE GONNA GO NUTS ABOUT THIS ONE" and maybe he'll get to headline some fucking festival in like 5 years or something. CALCULATED. This is the state of rock n' roll nowadays, kiddies. Hipsters stroking their own egos, praising themselves for their intellectual music taste and grasp of major "issues." You know, people wouldn't hate intellectuals so much if we weren't so goddamn smug about our intelligence. Put it this way: if Green Day had written this exact same song, same words, EVERYTHING, I guarantee the tone of this piece goes from "Wow, I'm a hipster talking about issues" to "Wow, Green Day sure are male chauvinist pigs." It's all about context and what's cool RIGHT NOW and the fucking blogs are killing music, man. Try to form a band with no Internet presence. Do that. Impossible. That being said...fuck every single motherfucker that has ever raped/assaulted/molested a woman. We don't need some fuckhead from Minneapolis that I actually like vaguely referencing these things, we need to fucking do something about it in SOCIETY, not just write a little "think-piece" on a blog and forget about it a week later. The nature of the beast is that the beast is fucking devouring us from the inside out. Anyway, anyone else like the new AlunaGeorge record?
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July 31, 2013 on Deconstructing: Dead Girlfriends, Mansplaining, And When Being An Ally Goes Wrong