Timmy Metzner

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Man of Steel: Robin's Jealousy - or - You're Welcome, Gay Fan Fiction
+4 |
November 21, 2013 on Brainstorming Names For The Batman Vs. Superman Movie
Law & Ordering a Pumpkin Spice Latte
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September 23, 2013 on Best New Party Game: Autumn Television Shows
no. just the bullied gay kid in middle school who grew into his looks and now feels the need to show that off instead of actually working through his insecurities #taleasoldastime thanks though!
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September 12, 2013 on Guessing The Tagline For The New Jurassic Park Sequel, Now Officially Titled Jurassic World
The Rhetorical Nature of our Society or So You Think You Can Dance?
+8 |
September 5, 2013 on Best New Party Game: Television-Inspired College Courses
This infuriates me. How am I supposed to have my gay wedding top BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH OFFICIATING AN IBIZA DESTINATION WEDDING? Ugh. We are a competitive people, us gays. Also I don't have a location or officiant or a fiance or a boyfriend so this is really unjustified anger.
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July 23, 2013 on ATTN: This Is NOT Benedict Cumberbatch’s Wedding
I live in Baltimore so everyday is The Purge. Seriously. People do whatever they want and it's terrifying.
+16 |
June 7, 2013 on Are You Doing Anything Special For The Purge This Year?!
I feel like... I feel like maybe this is a really clever audition tape for RuPaul's Drag Race Season 6. Like. Get her on that show. And if not, I'm so so so sorry for thinking you were probably a very tiny man.
+7 |
May 28, 2013 on Prancercise: A Fitness Workout
I have this scarring memory of complaining about having to listen to the oldies station every time we got in the car. My dad turns around and says "Some day WHITNEY HOUSTON will be on the oldies station!" And i was stunned. It was a hard lesson in the passage of time, aging, the fleeting nature of life and also a subtle indictment of my yet to be realized homosexuality. A lot for a 5 year old to process.
+11 |
May 23, 2013 on Tiny Angel Delivers Rapid-Fire Marvel Trivia Answers
August: Osage County might be my favorite play. I've been excited about this movie for a long time and this trailer with the uplifting music and the smiles just does not show how utterly terrible and broken and mean all these characters are. It's a #dark play. But then again Meryl and Juliette and Benedict... so... sure. I'm on board.
+3 |
May 10, 2013 on This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys
i was so worried he was going to fall. i'd just have to LEAVE THE GYM if i saw this happening there. it already brings up so much anxiety.
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May 9, 2013 on Treadmill Dance
I feel like it was a missed opportunity. The sign should have said. "You are now disturbed."
+9 |
May 8, 2013 on Sarah Dunne’s “Mwah” Music Video
I had a very graphic and frightening sex dream about Anne Hathaway. She had... needs. As a gay man I did my best to fulfill them, but I remember grimacing the whole time. I was utterly confused when I woke up.
+15 |
May 3, 2013 on What Is Your Most Embarrassing Celebrity Dream?
i made it 14 seconds. i really feel like this needed a NSFWOEPDW (not safe for work or ever please don't watch) warning.
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April 25, 2013 on We Should All Be So Lucky As To Find Something In This World That Makes Us Happy: Man-Baby In Diaper Goes To The Museum
Mine is definitely Adam Scott telling me he likes me and he loves me as he gets on one knee in a city hall somewhere. RuPaul is there telling me I didn't fuck it up and then we go get some Bob's Burgers.
+9 |
April 9, 2013 on A Glee-Themed Public Marriage Proposal
Yook at all my exploded non-existent ovaries
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April 9, 2013 on Kids Love A Good Twist Ending
If videogum had a catchphrase what would it be? Just kidding. We know it already. It's "more sand." duh. #laughtrack
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March 22, 2013 on Bestie x Bestie Episode 4
Kelly's one sentence response is perfection. I give it two Pulitzers way up!
+7 |
March 18, 2013 on Does The History Channel’s The Bible Think Obama Is The Devil?!