Hapsburg Hip

Comments from hapsburg hip

I was confused by how this commercial happened, but everything slid into place when Paul arched his back like a sexcat and sprinkled invisibility powder on himself. Folgers clearly asked Paul Stanley what he thought was cool, and then said “Fuck it. Today is your day, Mr. Stanley.”

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December 23, 2014 on Paul Stanley’s Awkward, Unaired Folger’s Commercial Surfaces After 14 Years

My two rock crushes in a relationship? I’m trying to picture it, but it’s like gazing directly into the sun. My mother always said I’d go blind this way.

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December 16, 2014 on Hear St. Vincent On Marc Maron’s WTF

Just a quick note: 5:The Gray Chapter’s not really “comically titled, ” since this is their first album released since the bassist and founding member, Paul Gray, passed away.

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November 1, 2014 on The Week In Pop: On Slipknot’s #1 Album And Hard Rock’s Looming Extinction

“I’m just very glad that Riff Raff is famous,” is what I say at every thanksgiving. Knowing about Riff Raff is basically for me what football is to you, uncle Steve.

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August 29, 2014 on Riff Raff To Sam Smith: “Your Face Is Super Huge”

That’s the blood rushing to your eyes, trying to make sense of the imagery. “Is this the 80s?” your eyes are asking, “Did Taylor Swift conquer time??”

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August 20, 2014 on Taylor Swift – “Shake It Off” Video

Speaking of which, you guys, what’s up with Topher Grace?

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July 30, 2014 on Watch Sad Jack White Throw Out The First Pitch At Tonight’s Tigers Game

Can we make this a recurring column? “How Does Jack White’s Body Language and Facial Expression Reflect, Maybe, his Current Relationship with Baseball Today”?

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July 30, 2014 on Watch Sad Jack White Throw Out The First Pitch At Tonight’s Tigers Game

Strong contender for dirtiest-dan headline of the year.

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July 23, 2014 on Kid Rock Subpoenaed To Produce Glass Dildo As Evidence In Insane Clown Posse Lawsuit

I was watching Big Fat Quiz of the Year 2013 and decided that my crushes are Dicky Ayoade and Kristen Schaal. I don’t want to have sex with them, but I should very much like to be the air separating them as they gently copulate.

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December 29, 2013 on Crushes Of 2013

Where is Carmen Sandiego: Extradition Laws and the Children Who Learned to Circumvent Them

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September 5, 2013 on Best New Party Game: Television-Inspired College Courses

I am still patiently waiting for the adaptation of R. L. Stine’s classic novel Vampire Breath; if you can’t handle it, please drive your rascals off a cliff, grandpas.

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August 16, 2013 on This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys

Honey, I rented a movie with an acronym for the title. What? Yes, I understand. Of course I am going to sleep on the couch tonight and I deserve this.

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August 16, 2013 on This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys

I wonder how often Killer Mike has to negotiate the peoples’ disappointment in realizing he is not Moneymaker Mike. Pretty dang often, I bet.

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April 29, 2013 on Run The Jewels (El-P & Killer Mike) – “Get It”

They cut the microphones to the last guys to make more room for this Chris Rock routine???

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February 26, 2012 on The 2012 Academy Awards Videogum Video Pizza Party

I’d like to see Crystal interpret GIVING UP and NO MORE JOKES.

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February 26, 2012 on The 2012 Academy Awards Videogum Video Pizza Party

WOOPS. Did not mean to reply to this.

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February 26, 2012 on The 2012 Academy Awards Videogum Video Pizza Party

If he could fly, that scene in North by Northwest would have gone very differently.

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February 26, 2012 on The 2012 Academy Awards Videogum Video Pizza Party

Academy Abowards because this is abowring.

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February 26, 2012 on The 2012 Academy Awards Videogum Video Pizza Party

Every time I watch Lotus Flower, I briefly wish bowlers would come back. Then desperately backpedal as I remember what happened when fedoras “came back.”

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February 25, 2012 on Beck Designs Sunglasses

Bunch’a Sulkeogum stars gettin’ their dismiss on up in here.

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February 14, 2012 on Hear Portishead’s Geoff Barrow Sample Radiohead On New Hip-Hop LP