Comments from thekelburrows

This is much more effective than that time I tried to use a perch as a seat.
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July 13, 2012 on The Only Thing We Have To Fear Is Piranhas And The Dark And Death And Abandonment And Everything
All the homoerotic energy now centers around a sand volleyball court.
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May 8, 2012 on Other Timely Plot Ideas For Scary Movie 5
Ed Hardy called my plain white tee-shirt the "ugliest fucking thing I have ever seen."
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May 8, 2012 on What’s The Best Compliment You’ve Ever Received?
It's like Peter Cetera says, she's a hard habit to break.
+13 |
November 11, 2011 on Sister Act Lawsuit Is Right On Time
Scary indeed. The internet is just teeming with liars, it seems. For the record you guys, that picture that *kinda* looks like someone hastily used Microsoft Paint to stick Angelina Jolie's lips on Scarlett Johansen's face and then cropped that on top of Meghan Fox's really is me!
+7 |
November 7, 2011 on Realistic Photoshop Photo Creation Calls Everyone’s Existence Into Question
"Hey Gabriel, it's been a couple of millenia, maybe you could learn a new song? You know, something more modern, like a Bach flute sonata or a selection from that new Lou Reed / Metallica album that is the rage with the kids these days." - Andy Rooney in heaven
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November 7, 2011 on Heaven Recently Got A Little More Andy Rooney
I said to Hollywood, "Where'd he go?" Hollywood says, "Where'd WHO go?" Which is really fair enough given that Hollywood's eyesight will not be fully developed for another 12 to 16 weeks.
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November 1, 2011 on There Is A World Other Than This One (“Top Gun Babies”)
Herman Cain?! Damn, I was hoping this was a new Dr. Pepper 10 commercial.
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October 27, 2011 on Herman Cain Continues To Kill It In The Campaign Ad Game
"I thought you said 'Rock Out With Your Cock Atop!' Sorry. No no, that does make more sense, you are right." - that tortoise
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October 26, 2011 on The Petting Zoo: The Week’s Top 10 Animal Videos
CRAP! The spec script I am writing for Human Centipede 3 is predicated on the idea of "beginning with Nas and ending with Dick Cavett". Back to the drawing board!
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October 26, 2011 on John Hodgman Is The Deranged Millionaire
Pitchfork gave Pizza Party a 9.2 and declared it Best New Music. They wrote: Pizza Party, with its homages to the violent guitar riffs of Jem and the Holograms, the dubstep beats of Jesse and the Rippers, and the unapologetic bombast of Sexual Chocolate -- exits the void of what we *expect* from Italian food and instead delivers a gaseous, carb-laden, meat pile that any of us would be proud to call home.
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October 25, 2011 on “Pizza Party” Is The Last Song, We Don’t Need Any More Songs, Thanks!
I'd like to chat about Jesus, too. I payed him 20 dollars, like I do every week, but this week the lawn looks MAYBE 1/2 mowed and there are weeds all around my prize-winning hydrangeas.
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October 25, 2011 on Teen Korner: Yo! Ch-ch-check Out ChatAboutJesus.Com
"I'm a slutty cat who *looks* like Ron Swanson! WHY DOES NO ONE GET THAT??" - me on Halloween 2011
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October 25, 2011 on Print Your Very Own Ron Swanson Halloween Mask
I'm pretty sure that's the "you are NOT the father" dance - so maybe Maury Povich threw out the first pitch?
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October 25, 2011 on Who Is This Dancing World Series “Groundsperson”?
Maybe I'm being old fashion, but I prefer to think of him as Ha'Dollar.
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October 25, 2011 on Live Blogging The Viral Marketing For 50 Cent’s New Energy Drink (P.S. 50 Cent Has A New Energy Drink)
Maybe his movie will explain the intricate differences between snorkeling and scuba diving.
+16 |
October 24, 2011 on What Is Joss Whedon’s New Top Secret Mystery Project?
My favorite Homer Simpsonism ever: Who made you Judge Judy and executioner?
+24 |
October 21, 2011 on HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JUDGE JUDY!
The story of the tower of Babel. Except instead of all the world's different languages it's just me speaking English to someone else who also speaks English but who understands the appeal of Willow and / or Jaden Smith.
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October 21, 2011 on What Bible Stories Should They Make Into Willow And/Or Jaden Smith Movies?
In butterfly Sunday schools they reference *this* tattoo as the place you go when you die if you masterbate even once - ever.
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October 20, 2011 on This Is Your Ashton Kutcher Fangirl Tattoo
Sorry gang, as of this morning Keeping Up with the Qaddafians has been cancelled.
+32 |
October 20, 2011 on Where Does Barack Obama Really Stand On Keeping Up With The Kardashians?
SINGLE GENTS: I couldn't even remember whether it was Sex IN the City or Sex AND the City. I am now accepting boyfriend applicantions - please take a number and form an orderly line starting over there.
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October 19, 2011 on The Perfect Crime Blotter: Dudes Robbing Like In The Town
I am suing the production company of The Town because it was less like Sex in the City than I believed it would be based on the name.
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October 19, 2011 on The Perfect Crime Blotter: Dudes Robbing Like In The Town
And with that, "ability to act" gets bumped down *another* level in Hollywood's hierarchy of casting decision-drivers. "Age" takes a nice leap overall but still trails "bankability", "attractiveness", "couch skills" (wink!), and "doesn't throw up when Kevin James kisses her in that one scene" as the leading factors in getting the role of a lifetime.
+6 |
October 18, 2011 on Who Is Ms. Cool Blind Item?!
I think McDonald's is just trying to cash in on the wildly popular Human Trainwreck show that is already streaming live 24 /7 in all of its restaraunts.
+17 |
October 18, 2011 on So, McDonald’s TV Is A Real Thing
He told me that the burning I feel when I pee is called "the Fieri in my pants." SAD FACE
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October 17, 2011 on That’s Your Boyfriend: Guy Fieri
It is scientific fact that stopping on roller skates without first SLAMMING into a wall is a physical impossibility. I am writing my doctoral thesis on this matter. And you guys said the University of Phoenix wasn't a real school...
+19 |
October 12, 2011 on Let’s Go!
This woman is also suing the film makers of Bull Durham because she misread the title as Jeff Dunham. Disappointment!
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October 10, 2011 on Woman Suing Drive Trailer In Trial Of The Century
Ah, the internet - lightening my overwhelming shame for once loving Wang Chung since 1997.
+3 |
October 3, 2011 on Got My Girl #Swag On!