Wait, because Gabe has a distinctive brand that uses all of the time like EVERY OTHER HUMORIST EVER he doesn't have the right to point out Seth MacFarlane's shortcomings? I hear they're offering courses in Making Sense at the local community college, you should probably sign up.
I chose to only watch the first 37 seconds of the music video because all I wanted to see was the horse, but oh my God, that half a minute has more mysteries in it than the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey. So she's having trouble sleeping, which I guess makes sense, and there's some lullaby playing in the background, which is required for footage of people trying to fall asleep, but then a guitar 'jams' the end of the lullaby, and she starts floating, and then a dove comes literally out of nowhere, and all of the sudden she's on salt flats or whatever, screaming, and she starts moving in reverse or SOMETHING, and two dancers just appear behind her, and then the horse, and by now I'm trying to figure out what was slipped into my coffee.
I love how both clips end with the expectation of you sitting in silent, fascinated awe at the genius of those magnificent jokes, and then the text pops up and is like, "get ready you guys, there's going to be an entire HOUR of this side-splitting comedic brilliance. I say get ready, because there's no POSSIBLE way you could already be ready for such witty, edgy, clever comments about GM bailouts and Myspace."
"Be every philosophers' worst nightmare."
Yes, but certainly not in the way they were hoping. I'm majoring in philosophy, and if you had any doubts about the truthfulness of the -isms on that pdf I can say definitively that everything on there is bullshit. Oh, and Nietzsche went insane due to contracting Syphilis (sensitivity FAIL).
Wow Patti Blagojevich is full of shit. There was crates full of evidence indicting him, and Patti played a large part in the wrongdoings. Fail on all of them.
The eleventh commandment: "Thou shalt not make society too complicated for a four year old's comprehension." That it is why the IRS is a vessel of Satan.
I thought this might all be a joke, a dismissive play on the typically stupid, banal reality shows that VH1, MTV, Bravo, etc., play nonstop nowadays, and that clearly need help that being on national tv won't provide.
Then I looked at his myspace page. Nope, this is definitely legitimate.
I was really disappointed watching that video. Sure, I saw celebrities I would expect to see wearing that ugly bullshit (Jamie Foxx, Paris Hilton), but I also saw a couple of them that I actually semi-respected before this (DiCaprio, Beckham, Lil Wayne, etc.). What the fuck, guys? You put me under the false impression that you could tell a stupid trend when you see one, but you really let me down in that department.
If I get stupid drunk in public, I can expect people to take my picture. Got it. Does Bill-O have any other valuable life lessons to share with us? Like if you're a famous athlete, you can expect people to take pictures of you participating in your sport? Or that the courts, "for some reason", support other privileges protected in the Bill of Rights, such as freedom of religion and freedom of speech? Or could just post a video explaining how to tie your shoes? I'm sick of wearing these velcro ones.
Wait, so if this is the standard of the ASU student body, why the fuck is the leader of the goddamn free world giving their commencement address? Obama should call them up and say, "Sorry guys, I've got a previous engagement concerning my job. It's SOOO demanding!" and then sent Janet Napolitano or Rahm Emanuel in his place.
Okay, I take back everything I said about the bros in the preview for "Is She Really Going Out With Him?", this is now my #1 source material for cynicism for humanity.
"If my style would have to be summed up in word word, that would be fresh."
If anyone is ever curious as to why I'm cynical about the prospects of humanity, this quote sums it up fairly well.
It's from South Park. Mr./Mrs. Garrison gets some scientists to grow her/him a new penis on a mouse and the scientists lose the mouse. So Garrison goes to the police, and the sketch that they draw of the penis mouse is what I have as my icon. "Boys, if you see my penis try and catch it with some cheese." Remember?
Okay, okay, I had a theory that you and da cake eatur were the same person, but now I'm absolutely positive that this is the case. You both disappeared for three weeks at the same time, and you magically reappeared within a day of each other. I've just cracked this case wide open, Law & Order style.
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