Is it weird that I totally remember this being a category in 1999? I mean, obviously it was a total joke, but I definitely remember Deep Impact being nominated for one of Morgan Freeman's pauses. And Lisa Kudrow presented the award, but never announced a winner because OBVIOUSLY.
OK, back to grad school!
For previous editions of "Rick Santorum Is An Incredible Asshole," please see: any news article in which Rick Santorum attempts to articulate a policy position.
The slope from Barack to The Rock is mighty slippery, my marsupially-inclined friend.
Also, something something if Rocko can't even win an election for dogcatcher, etc.:
http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s320x320/377885_10150426442079376_27936144375_8365726_1310993771_n.jpg
Purrrrrrfect.... I shall send them gifs! Gifs of their daughters' favorite pop icon kissing the voice of their daughters' & sons' favorite animated fish.
http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lt0z2cDlzf1r01skco4_500.gif
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, &c.
I know, right? Oh Minnesnowta. They're going to test my faith in their awesomeness in November, too, when they vote on that ri-DIC-ulous anti-marriage referendum. Let's defeat it, guys & gals! Ugh. I guess this means I should prooooobably come out to my family and then convince them to vote against it.
In honor of E-Dawg, I'll do it in a JC Penney.
Guys!!
Probably nobody is going to read this, BUT: I literally just watched Die Antwoord perform on The Late Show with David Letterman, and it was the most AWKWARD THING EVER! Dave did not know what to do when he shook Yolandi Visser's hand and she had these freaky-ass giant black-lens contacts in her eyes. Also the audience was completely weirded out since they're like 90% tourists from Nebraska.
Oh, thank god Craig is on now. He'll make everything better.
Wait... has there really been no mention around here of Jim Rash getting a nod for "The Descendants"??? He's our very own Academy Award nomidean!
Now he's a real big-time celebrity.
http://img2-1.timeinc.net/ew/i/2011/12/05/community-jim-rash_610.jpg
Without question the shih-tzu skit made me laugh the hardest (though when he first rolled out there something about the costume was unsettling, nigh terrifying).
But I've never seen a sketch make better use of the British/American dialectic, where the Brit says something ridiculous and deadpan, the incredulous American takes it at face value, and the Brit proceeds to exasperatedly point out that yes, he was being sarcastic. God, they are so GOOD at that! (Or maybe this is just what happens to me all the time.)
Vicky Cristina Barcelona = nightmarishly pretentious hell-scape featuring two rich and utterly vapid dunderheads and Javier Bardem as a predatory sex maniac. And let's not get started on the husking effluvium that is this movie's dialogue, which comes complete with a stuffy narrator who I'd say rates at least 8 out of 10 on the Ira Glass Narrative Continuum of Nasally Pretension. And I *like* Ira Glass!
Javier Bardem: "We are meant for each other and not meant for each other. It's a contradiction."
Hahahahahaha*gunshot*
I'm probably just shouting into a dark, meaningless void by commenting this far down in the thread, BUT:
Vicky Cristina Barcelona.
Everything about it is utterly insufferable, especially Javier Bardem as a disturbing predatorial sex maniac. The only possible exception is Penelope Cruz, who won an Oscar by acting like a nightmarish trainwreck. But at least that was her GOAL.
The worst insult was that I had to sit through this on a plane flying out of Barcelona. Way to destroy any good memories I had of the city. Might as well watch City of God when I go to Rio...
And that Jay-Z is their favorite male singer? I guess we can take solace in the fact that, among the myriad problems that children face in today's ever-changing world... bitches ain't one.
Let's all take comfort in the fact that illustrious films like "Soul Plane" and "Miss Congeniality 2" can now say "starring Academy Award-winning actress (x) !"
Also, nice to see Oprah talking about Gabourey Sidibe because Oprah is now the president of black people I guess?
PICTURE
"Inglourious Basterds"
LEADING ACTOR
Jeff Bridges, "Crazy Heart"
LEADING ACTRESS
Sandra Bullock, "The Blind Side"
SUPPORTING ACTOR
Christoph Waltz, "Inglourious Basterds"
SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Vera Farmiga, "Up in the Air"
DIRECTOR
Kathryn Bigelow, "The Hurt Locker"
ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Quentin Tarantino, "Inglourious Basterds"
ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Geoffrey Fletcher, "Precious"
BEST ANIMATED FILM
"Up," Pete Docter
ORIGINAL SCORE
"Up," Michael Giacchino
ORIGINAL SONG
"Crazy Heart," T-Bone Burnett
ART DIRECTION
"Avatar", Rick Carter et al.
CINEMATOGRAPHY
"Avatar", Mauro Fiore
COSTUME DESIGN
"The Young Victoria," Sandy Powell
FEATURE DOCUMENTARY
"The Most Dangerous Man in America," Judith Ehrlich
SHORT DOCUMENTARY
"The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant," Steven Bognar
EDITING
"District 9," Julian Clarke
FOREIGN FILM
"The White Ribbon", Germany
MAKEUP
"The Young Victoria," John Henry Gordon
ANIMATED SHORT FILM
"La dama y la muerte," Javier Recio Gracia
LIVE-ACTION SHORT FILM
"The Door," Juanita Wilson
SOUND MIXING
"Star Trek," Anna Behlmer
SOUND EDITING
"Star Trek," Mark Stoeckinger
VISUAL EFFECTS
"Avatar", Joe Letteri et al.
Next time Katie & I hang out I am totes stopping in the bathroom to take a Titanic dump so I can feel the Pride of holding that Oscar... man, she's gonna have to Plunge that one out, cuz even All the King's Men won't get that one Flushed Away. All that's left after that is a little Romance & Cigarettes.
Good thing her film career isn't....
...IN THE TOILET!!
[sorry. I should get back to work... I think I was supposed to go to some healthcare summit thingy today. totally spaced!]
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