"...and all he has to show for it is this stuffed banana with dreadlocks." I almost spit out my coffee. Why was he going double or nothing? You've gotta know when to fold em and walk away with your giant dreadlocked banana.
Zach Braff is a poser and a beggar. People should start a kickstarter to film a movie based on that premise. This feels like the equivalent of someone dressing up like a destitute person, asking people for money on the street all day, and then going home to their mansion to throw their earnings in the wishing well that they built by their pool.
In the UK the Oscar Pistorius murder case is being handled the same way. All the papers say things like "perhaps he's being punished enough because the woman he wanted to marry is dead" which makes no sense, because he's the man who killed her. Everyone is also always talking about what a fallen hero he is ... and all they say about Reeva is that she was a model alongside a full page photo of her in her underwear.
i just had a long conversation with an older male friend about how he believes the gender gap in theatre and media no longer exists (as in the ratio of male to female writers/directors is equal) and that women are represented realistically in entertainment. i feel like the fact that this conversation is even happening proves otherwise.
How did none of them think to say: "Well, I'm going to have to go with Wild at Heart because in that film Nicholas Cage is hotter than Georgia asphalt."
i love reading movie lists! with beasts and jiro being my favorites. i have to admit, i wasn't crazy about the master! i just sort of got bored. it's tricky because i recently moved to london and it's so much more expensive to go see a movie there. some places charge 24 pounds! which is criminal in my opinion. so anyway having to dish out so much cash to see it might have made me bitter when i was watching. anyway i think it's my new years resolution to start commenting. p.s. sound of my voice wasn't great. almost comically bad actually.
the movie mike was watching while the DEA searched his house (i believe) had dialogue that discussed a cop committing suicide. that paired with hank joking about blowing his brains out seemed like some foreshadowing. but that would be upsetting because hank is fantastic. i also think when skylar and walt are dead marie is gonna kidnap that baby and run.
also, it became really clear to me in college how easy a career in comedy would be as a woman. i'd be auditioning for a comedy with, i don't know, 45 other girls who looked just like me when i'd see the stage manager run out of the room to wake up the boy from the technical theatre department. She'd beg him to pretty please come audition because the only other boys there were the obese english majors who showed up drunk and would inexplicably accuse you of looking at them while they changed in the dressing room. uh oh! bitter woman alert! on a side note, i was recently voted funniest member of my family BY MY MOM! so take that, adam.
i think i should start giving interviews to share my experience with the white, american male. you know, all white males cry after sex. the majority of white males are incapable of giving me an orgasm. american men don't know how to eat pussy. that sort of thing. if that's my experience it has to be universally true, right?
usually passing out in the grass and getting up to hump a stone wall in your sweatpants is a sign you've gotten a little too high. but i do love this. it's like someone set my middle school poetry to auto-tune.
i watched season two back in november so it's a little hazy but i remember the whole season has much more of a soap opera feel than season one. the gossip girl comparison is spot on. am i the only one who doesn't like bates? he's always so self-conscious and down on himself. he turns himself into such a doormat! also, it seems like branson and sybil's whole relationship is centered around a ten minute ride they spent talking about women's fashions.
you grimey little pimp IS a great line and no one can take away from it's glory .... BUT my personal favorite mad men line of all time is when the young don draper overshares with a perfect stranger in a perfect way with, "didn't ya hear? i'm a whore child!"
last night i dreamed i had sex with ezra miller and he told me i had saggy boobs. i kept asking him if he ever killed anyone. it all felt heavily influenced by the don strangle.
during the first episose of season 2 harry is about to have his baby and pete is bragging about how big his office is. ohhhh how the tables have turned!
i work in a movie theatre and would like to take this opportunity to share my experience with people who come in and ask for tickets to movies that don't exist. for instance, a 50 year old woman in a fur coat barked at me for a ticket to "my week in maryland." A man demanded a ticket to the "live action animation" and spent five minutes repeating himself after i tried explaining in many different ways how such a thing does not exist. Another fellow asked to see "Tin Cup"... I won't even get into how they pronounce the foreign film titles. They usually just say "oh, COME ON, you know what i mean!"
Best Picture – The Artist
Best Director – Michael Hazanavicius - The Artist
Best Actor – George Clooney - The Descendants
Best Actress – Michelle WIlliams - My Week With Marilyn
Best Supporting Actor – Christoper Plummer, Beginners
Best Supporting Actress – Berenice Bejo, The Artist
Best Score – War Horse, John WIlliams
Best Makeup – Albert Nobbs
Best Costume Design – Jane Eyre
Best Original Screenplay – Midnight in Paris, Woody Allen
Best Art Direction – Hugo
Best Cinematography – The Tree of Life
Best Film Editing – The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Best Documentary Short – The Tsunami and the Cherry Blossom
Best Foreign Language – In Darkness
Best Animated Feature – Rango
Best Adapted Screenplay – The Descendants
Best Short Animated Film – La Luna
Best Short Live Action Film - Raju
Best Sound Editing – The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Best Sound Mixing – War Horse
Best Visual Effects – Hugo
Best Doc Feature – Pina
Best Original Song – The Muppets
i can only assume the girlfriend has a somewhat abnormal maternal instinct and can't help but wonder what will happen if he gets her pregnant with a real baby. that'll really shake up the family dynamic.
Bridesmaids should not be on that list. It was simple and self-congratulatory. It wasn't even useful as a guilty pleasure. How about The Skin I Live In, Mysteries of Lisbon, Take Shelter, Into the Abyss?
it's not going to end with peggy and pete's grandchildren playing in a kindergarden with sally and glenn's son when the camera slowly pans to a calendar and a close up will reveal that it's 9/11. teacher runs in. end of show.
these are some down home kids and i like it! that's what those parents deserve for trolling their kids because they want to make a sappy youtube video!
this baby is me in the car. "oh no, katy perry again! turn it off quick!"
five seconds later ... "maybe it's gotten better since then .... no! it's still making my ears bleed!" and back and forth until it finally ends in a headache and a wash of generic high school memories.
i think ten years from now kids in school won't brag about sport accomplishments or high test scores, they'll just gloat about which cute baby video their parents posted of them online. or they'll all have intense plastic surgery by age five because they're so humiliated.
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