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"When he lets go of my hand I'm gonna make a break for it." - Jack McBrayer
"HOW DO MY BOOBS LOOK? DO THEY LOOK GOOD!?" - the only thought to cross Heidi Montag's mind for the past six years.
I thought being a millenial was just about not having a job because of your useless liberal arts degree, but saying you're "an artist". Am I doing this right?
Fuckin tables, how do they work? Miracles everywhere, man.
WOOHOO! I was a production assistant on The Europa Report! I don't know if it'll be good, but I was there!
"Don't move! I'll suck the poison out of your temple. I've seen this on Man vs. Wild."
I wanna see the husband's side of all this. "So I got my wife this really nice set of monogrammed hand towels for our anniversary, but she found the box under our bed and is totally convinced that it's porn. She won't even let me explain because of "the darkness" or something? Also, I've been seeing that girl from The Ring lurking around. So there's that."
*There is a deep-rooted, well defined subculture organized around choreographed dance.
I'll get into the Ball one week. Mark my words! I'm gonna hit the big time!
I seriously can't watch this show much longer if Andrea continues to live. Every moment she's on screen makes me wince and/or shout curse words so loud that I miss all the dialogue. FUCK YOU ANDREA!
And how bout that Canadian one? Yikes! I had no idea the acid they threw on Harvey Dent's face came from a kitchen in Canada.
Is this eligible for Oscar consideration?
The one where Jacob reluctantly becomes the coach of a ragtag youth football team in order to show up his older brother Esau and win the big game, stealing his birthright in the process because family values!
Mortal Kombat: Because you accidentally did Sub-Zero's finishing move once and it was awesome but you still have no idea how to actually do it.
I was hoping to at least make it to lunch without contemplating my mortality. Thanks Gabe.
The guy who insisted they all name their planes only comes up with "The Paper Airplane" for his? What the hell was that?!
So drink rocket fuel? Is that what he's saying in the beginning? Got it.