Comments

Because purple suit. That was a long way to go for that but I guess I'll stand by it. Life is too short for regretting unfunny internet comments. YOLO.
So the Joker is in Batman vs. Superman and his origin story is that he accidentally strangled a puppy and is super sad and brooding about it?
I remember when the Real World was culturally relevant (just like Earth, I am six thousand years old) and there were stories coming out about how it's not really real and they would stock the fridges with tons of booze and try a ton of other ways to drum up drama and everyone was like "WHAAAT?!" but now everyone just gave up and we call that reality TV. Or Bravo. Also, I'm not sure how the hook of that show caught on. Seven twentysomething strangers living in a house together for three months and drink a shit ton? Isn't that just college? I'm pretty sure I've lived with people and didn't find out their last names until I had to figure out who this person is sending me a Facebook friend request. Also, I'm an open mic comic from 1991. With access to Facebook.
So after a quick search this appears to be a Clarissa/A.C. Slater Christmas-themed BDSM sex-tape? Can't wait for the twist: A ladder clanks on the windowpane. "Hi, Sam!"
One more for accuracy: http://img.pandawhale.com/post-21553-Alec-Baldwin-pouring-infinite-VEfm.gif
Also, I have to hang out with people tonight, but I wish these were my Monster's Ball dancing gifs: http://gifatron.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/arrested-development-george-michael-fall-on-floor.gif http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view/1052678/dog-watching-tv-o.gif
Wait, Adam Levine is supposed to be the sexiest man alive? I must have missed that post, but that's really weird. Doesn't he just look like a generic videogame character? What am I missing, fans-of-the-fellas? Is it his moves? Are they comparable to Mick Jagger's moves?
If I had to guess (because I don't want to google 'cock etymology') it would have something to do with 'cock' being another term for a male chicken. Think "rooster in the henhouse" when it was used as a euphemism for PIV sex.
Watched it again, it doesn't look like she's full-on deep-throating, but more like working towards it. I just wanted to make sure there was no confusion about my comment.
It's sorta funny how Nymphomaniac looks like Von Trier's most light-hearted film in ages. Also, how is that trailer still on YouTube? I mean, it starts with a close up of a vagina (hopefully not to soon be mutilated), there's a girl dripping cum out down her chin, nipple-play, and the piece de resistance, a shot of Charlotte Gainsbourg full-on deep-throating a cock.
We're gonna have the happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye.
Oh, Bad Santa is legit great! I guess I sullied it by placing in the same category as Home Alone 2. No, I love Bad Santa. I just probably shouldn't have tried to watch it with my family as a funtimes Christmas romp.
I will now refer to Thanksgiving as "T-Gives". I'm sorry, flanny, you get no royalties. Contact my lawyer if you must. Her name is Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo.
Silent Night, Deadly Night for SURE!
I like this. The It's A Wonderful Life episode of B&B is still great, as is most of the original series.
I know this won't get picked so here are my other suggestions: It's A Wonderful Life: Duh-doy! I just like talking to people about this. Scrooged: Duh-doy part deux. Home Alone: Lost In New York: Basically because how the traps are so much more violent and how offensive the homeless Old Man Marley stand-in can be. Bad Santa: I made the mistake of watching this with my family around Christmas five years ago and it was very awkward how hard my Dad was laughing about the anal-in-the-plus-sized-dressing room bit. So maybe I need a cleanse from all that.
So, eons ago my friend and I got really stoned and went to a gas station to get some junk food. We ended up spending what seemed like an hour but was probably five minutes poring over the VHS bargain bin and eventually found "Santa With Muscles" starring Hulk Hogan. We decided to buy it but neither of us has watched it in the eleven years since this has happened. I believe the VHS is rotting away in its shoddy shrink-wrap, buried in my parents basement with bootleg copies of the Producer's Cut of Halloween 6 and for whatever reason, two copies of Clueless. So I propose, perhaps counter-programming to the inevitable Love, Actuallys and Die Hards, is what looks like the dumbest thing I've had the privilege of judging a book by its cover. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmPgWz85Us0
I've heard of being a teenager but this is ridiculous.
I'm sure there's a Rule 34 for that but I don't care to confirm that suspicion. Also, we're all in jail because of this comment. Sorry, guys. Hope you can post bail.
Jennifer Lawrence just seems like your really cool babysitter who would let you stay up late and watch horror movies and give you a little "just between us" glance when your parents got home.
Sorry, I didn't leave any context. This is a video of Steve Harvey being an asshole in various scenarios: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=az0BJRQ1cqM
I can't enjoy anything about Steve Harvey because of what a giant asshole he is.
"Engagement Hamburger" is the name of your boyfriend's band that publicly proposed to you in the parking lot of a Denny's.
Holy shit. What a nightmare. I feel so badly for everyone in that place.
I proposed to my wife the day after we booked our wedding venue. We had already looked at invitations, rings, etc... She told me repeatedly that she doesn't care if I officially propose. Being the slight romantic at heart I am, I still wanted to. I had a plan to go to our favorite restaurant and then have some sunset wine at a very scenic spot in the city. We ended up getting so lost in a conversation at the restaurant that it got dark, so I proposed there. I didn't get down on one knee. There were no cameras rolling. We were in a dimly lit corner of a place we both loved having a conversation about our future. I know some people enjoy a spectacle, maybe out of some perceived romanticizing of a future story to tell, maybe for some other reason. I guess I just don't get it. You're making a decision that will affect the rest of your lives! Why would you want a bunch of other people watching it? It's like emotional exhibitionism, which, fine. If that's what both you AND your partner are into, have at it. I just feel bad for the people who are put on the spot.
"...said know..." I English. Very spell.
She may have appreciated this and all, but this gets to the heart of why public marriage proposals suck doorknobs: If she would have said know, or even that she needed time to think about it, she would have not only been the bad guy for every one there, but also for all of CNBC's viewers (which, granted, is like 13 people) and everyone who watched the clip online. Even if she had very valid reasons for her decision. In this case, it would have damaged her career. While it might not be intended, public marriage proposals put unnecessary pressure on the person on the receiving end. They're just horseshit and I hate them so much. That said, I hope these people will be very happy for the rest of their lives. Or maybe not, if they're jerks. Who knows? They could be jerks!
Every time I hear the name "Puddle of Mudd" I chuckle because back when they were popular, my friend would always refer to them as "Puddle of Cum" which for some reason is so funny to me. I've got some more neat stories if anyone is interested.
My 48 hours of lunacy would consist of me crying on my couch and then trying to get it together and then almost falling asleep at my desk. I work from home.
Also, I see Amy as Sweet Dee if she was obsessed with baking instead of acting.
"I don't chase people out of my restaurant with sharp objects. I chase them out with blunt objects. Let's be real here."
Oh man. So many people really want to give off a very specific impression of themselves.