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I tried to watch Dinner for Schmucks last night (required a lot of fast-forwarding), and now I am nominating it. Just like that. BAM!

At the screening I was in, a guy sitting in the lower right corner of the theater was laughing SO HARD at certain parts (some of them not even intentionally super-funny parts) that sometimes I wasn't sure whether the audience was laughing at the movie or at the guy who was laughing at the movie. Studios should hire him to be their ringer.

It's kind of impressive how many times Justin Timberlake sang in the trailer, considering that he has been a Real Actor for a while now. More intrigued by this than I was by No Strings Attached, if only because I prefer these two over NatShton.

I'm still trying to figure out if there is *literal* magic involved. Maybe Owen Wilson came upon a midnight magic camp? (It's an illusion!) That's probably it.

The Wedding Date, because it is really bad. Away We Go, because it was full of WTFs/holes.

I got a free Comic-Con pass from work so I'm taking the train down from LA (no self-respecting LA-person ever takes public transit, but I have heard that traffic is a nightmare) on Saturday to see what it's all about. I have to say, my main emotion surrounding the whole thing is dread. I will look for you, Gabe, in the terrifying ponies pavilion.

I thought Desmond hit Locke so that Locke would see Jack again (at the hospital). Because Locke and Jack are having a sideways bromance, and... you know, spine things.

This guy is the new Flight of the Conchords.

Is it just me, or is Ke$ha the Mr. Hyde to Taylor Swift's Dr. Jekyll? Have we ever seen them in the same place at the same time?

I have never been a dog person, but for the sake of my family's happiness I finally got used to my family's giant, mischievous Saint Bernard. Now I find out that my dog is the father of a brood of puppies. I just don't think that I can handle any more dogs, financially or emotionally. But my children are attached to these pups, and they seem to think that the woman who is willing to adopt them from us is a very bad person. I have already done so much for these puppies and for my family. I even competed in a hot dog eating contest, which resulted in so much vomit and discomfort. What should I do? I seek your spiritual counsel. I really don't want my children to resent me any more than they already do.

I thought Obama was Team Conan! (pouts)

I just connected that the juiceboxes make them juice-heads. The kids are drinking steroids!

After I saw The Santa Clause I desperately wanted to be a Christmas elf, and then my mom reminded me that I was a Jew and didn't even like Christmas. I think I just had a mega-crush on that lead elf, who was totally Jewish.

Wait, when did Buzz Aldrin interact with aliens? Why does he get to be the expert? I met him once, too. I don't think he shook my hand, but signed a glossy photo that's sitting in some drawer in my closet at my parents' house.

As long as he's in the studio, why doesn't he rap about the posthumous baptism of Jewish Holocaust victims? (You crazy for that one, Mormons.)

The production values here are much too high for Tommy Wiseau. But the level of wtf-ery is about right.

If I enter my full name, I get "The Ashley Simpson of Cape May." Translation, please?

I am the only monster in the sea who loved the "To Catch a Predator"-style celebrity talk show? Bill Hader does those creepy investigative reporter types like nobody's business.