Posts tagged "Audrina Patridge"

The Hills Season 6: We’re Gonna Need A Bigger ))<>((

Trailer for season 6 of The Hills, you guys: It's hard to figure out what Kristin Cavallari says in the part that's bleeped out. "You [bleeped] with the wrong girl, dude." Hmmm. "You have devoted an unreasonable amount of your precious and limited life to being interested in the most vapid, insufferable, unwatchable, and also… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / September 2, 2009

You Could Be The Next Spokesperson For Carl’s Jr., Or You Could Keep Your Self-Respect

Oh boy. If nothing else, at least Carl's Jr. kept the whole thing tasteful and classy. Wouldn't you agree, hot chicks? Sure. This is your chance to join the illustrious ranks of Paris Hilton and Audrina Patridge*. LIVING THE DREAM! Of course, the main difference will be that even though Pari… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / June 29, 2009

Goodbye To All Of That

The Hills ended last Sunday with a one hour finale in which Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were married, Lauren Conrad "quit" her "job," and Kristen Cavallari showed up as if somehow we were supposed to believe that was a surprise when in fact we have all known for months that she was taking… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / June 5, 2009

The Hills: Fuck This Show In The Face Until It Dies (Season Finale)

Spencer has changed. Says Spencer. He has breakfast with Heidi's long suffering mom, Darlene, and explains that he's been going to therapy. He's already done the early-20's "sleazy guy thing," he tells the mother of his future wife. But he's not 22 anymore. He's 25 years old. His beard is made of wisdom, and he… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / June 1, 2009

The Hills: Lauren Conrad’s Penultimate Attempt At Relevance

Heidi is getting married. To Spencer. Our great national nightmare is almost at its end, just as the long, personal nightmare of the Pratts enters a new phase. Spencer has won the approval of Heidi's "cowboy" father, who has agreed not to "shoot" Spencer in the "face". There is still the matter of Heidi's long… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / May 26, 2009

The Hills: She’ll Always Be Daddy’s Little Plastic Faced Sadness Monster

Heidi's dad, no her REAL dad, is coming to visit. And he's bringing his guns. That is what she tells Spencer. "I wouldn't be surprised if he brings his gun." Really? I would. He could be the guy from the cellophane wrapper on a Brawny roll (i.e. the most masculine man there is, ever) and… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / May 19, 2009

The Hills: In This Economy, It’s Tough To Find Pretend Work

The economic crisis is affecting everyone. Why, just the other day, there were a bunch of imaginary layoffs at the imaginary company where Audrina Patridge pretends to work, and she was like "OMG, I can hardly make-believe it." She had her publicist call her mom and was just like "I just feel lucky to eve… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / May 12, 2009

The Hills: Audrina Patridge And Audrina Hyde

Since Lauren Conrad has said that this is her last season of The Hills, but because MTV has already announced that they're going ahead with a sixth, Lauren-free season, you can see how the producers are already trying to ween audiences away from Lauren and build up meaningful tent-pole narratives with the rest of… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / May 5, 2009

MTV Renews A Dead Horse

MTV has confirmed that they will be moving forward with a a sixth season of The Hills without Lauren Conrad. Videogum has confirmed that it will not be moving forward with a sixth season of The Hills without Lauren Conrad. You can't fire us, we quit. More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / April 28, 2009

The Hills: God, Please Take Me Now

Heidi and Spencer got married last weekend. I suppose one could imagine a reality in which The Hills is like a documentary about the Civil War. Sure, you know how it's going to end, but there is so much to learn about the epic battles that got us to that end. But even if… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / April 28, 2009

The Hills: “I Feel Like I’m In A Nightmare”

It seems fair to assume that when The Hills first started, the system for creating (and when necessary, recreating) dramatic conflict or narrative arcs was already well established, and while it got more refined over time it is not a new addition to the show's production. So I'm sure that the girls didn't get their… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / April 21, 2009

The Hills: What Doesn’t Kill You Almost Kills You

Here we are again, you guys. Standing at the foot of Mount Doom in the heart of Mordor. The only thing wearier than our legs is our hearts. We are unsure if we have what it takes to scale this treacherous cliff and cast back the Ring into the fires in which it was forged. More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / April 7, 2009

Duh Aficionado Magazine: Audrina Patridge Loves Cocaine

Did you know that Audrina Patridge is getting her own TV show soon? The Hills ends this season, because if there's one thing that show knows, it's that you should always leave your audience wanting more. Bullets in their mouths. From suicide guns. But now a blogger is also reporting that Audrina PatridgeMore »

By: Gabe Delahaye / March 24, 2009

Sorority Row: They Did A Bad, Bad, Thing

The trailer for the fall horror movie Sorority Row, starring Audrina Patridge, Rumer Willis, Carrie Fisher, and other people, hit the internet today. You can't really tell that Audrina's a terrible actress from this trailer (though Rumer seems kind of okay!), you just have to take it on faith, and God, and The Bible: Yes,… More »

By: Lindsay Robertson / March 19, 2009

The Hills Season 5: Really? We’re Actually Doing This?

The Hills season 5 preview trailer (via I'mNotObsessed), you guys: No. Since the season 4 finale in December, Barack Obama was sworn in as President, the economy spiraled out of control, and Eastbound and Down changed the television landscape. The world is changed, I can feel it in the water. Who o… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / February 24, 2009

The Hills: Marriage Is Between A Goat Man And A Plastic Woman

I cannot tell you how convenient it is that Diane Von Furstenberg offered Whitney the job right before her spin-off reality show The City premieres. Can you imagine how awkward it would have been if she didn't get the job?! Sorry, Whitney, we had to shut down production on your show. Diane Von Furstenberg just… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / December 16, 2008

The Hills: How Many Pratts Does It Take To Fit In A Jail Cell?

If there is one thing in this world that I love without question it is grandmas. They're basically moms, who are great, but even better. Let's give it up for grandmas, everyone. Let them know. But on last night's episode of The Hills, we were introduced to Spencer and Stephanie Pratt's grandma, Nana, and whoa. More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / December 2, 2008

The Hills: Lauren Conrad Is A Total The C Word

Audrina was talking to her friend Dino and he totally told her that Lauren hooked up with Justin Bobby, but neither Lauren nor Justin will even talk to her about it, and they're both angry that she's even bringing it up. Which means they totally did it. I'm sorry, but if your friend believes something… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / November 25, 2008

The Hills: Still With The Heidi And The Job Thing

First of all, Audrina and Justin Bobby are finally getting serious. OMG, can you believe it? After all these yeazzzzzzzzzz. The thing is, Justin likes hanging out down on Venice Beach because it's so zenlike, but when he gets up to the Hollywood Hills where Audrina used to live with Lauren it was just so… More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / November 18, 2008

The Hills Continues To Pretend Heidi Montag Ever Had A Job To Begin With

This week's episode was mostly a big run up to Whitney Port's spin-off, The City. Kelly Cutrone was like "Whitney and Lauren, I need you to come to New York immediately and pretend like you are working so that we can establish the exciting romantic intrigue that awaits Whitney in the big city." Blah. More »

By: Gabe Delahaye / November 11, 2008
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