If you’re a Muse or My Chemical Romance fan, I feel sorta bad for you, but today’s your lucky day: The bands are headlining this summer’s Reading & Leeds Festivals. The (not so) resurgent Strokes and Pulp are playing co-headline slots. The bills also include the National, Odd Future, UK sensations the Vaccines, Crystal Castles, Pete Doherty, Jane’s Addiction, Death From Above 1979 (a band worth rioting over?), Interpol, etc. Check out the lineup to date below (or via the above poster).

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The apotheosis of this Weezer/Hurley love affair, at least as relates to its properly acknowledged and benign origin, came Tuesday night at an Axe party at Dunes Inn in Hollywood. (The logical conclusion of the hedged and hem-hawed Weezer/Hurly love affair is this gallery of clothing photos.) Jorge Garcia jumped onstage and traded some lines with Rivers on “Perfect Situation.” In fact we can say he sang with Weezer, because it turns out Hurley can, in fact, sing, brotha. And it turns out he can remain lovable despite being ostensibly out of his element, although I guess that won’t come as any surprise to LOST fans since the Hurley character is built on being endlessly lovable despite being perpetually out of his element. Very method, Jorge Garcia.

Video of that below, as well as the first confirmed dates of the Blinkerton trek (officially titled the “Memories Tour” because Weezer know their ABCs — Always Be Cross-promoting)

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If a Cure covers comp is going too far for you purists, then how about just an EP featuring remixes of all those LP13 pre-release singles? And what if those remixes were executed by, say, 30 Seconds To Mars, Fall Out Boy, and My Chem? And what if I told you I was going to give you info on the project anyway? Here, have fun:

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Kiss and Courtney Love went toon first, but looks like Neil Young’s bad 2003 concept album/film Greendale‘s been made into what we can only image is a bad Neil Young graphic novel. We already knew about Avril Lavigne’s, well, manga, then discovered the first issue of My Chemical Romancer Gerard Way’s comic series The Umbrella Academy arrives in September. And since we knew you’d ask, we dug up the plot synopsis, in the MCR man’s own words. Via MTV:

In short, a [closeted] space alien has adopted seven extraordinary children to save the world. He never tells [them] from what. He’s a really bad father, and he dies of a heart attack, and they are all kind of stuck to figure out the rest.

Closeted space aliens are always a hoot, but why not just adapt The Black Parade? Could be aftershocks of the Simpsons movie, but this rock comic thing has us thinking about what other contemporary concept albums and concept-album makers might end up on the other side of an artist’s pen. There’s Yoshimi, of course, but here are a few more we deemed ripe for the comic treatment:

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There’s an issue of the zine Law of Inertia (now folded into Reignition Records) somewhere containing an interview with someone, maybe Ann Beretta, where they call the pop punk of the late ’90s the new hair metal— it’s just sped-up Warrant! Given the ubiquity of the bands, the indistinguishable sound, and their shared approaches to life (for: girls, fun. against: breakups, anything else that makes you sad) it seemed like insight at the time. Now that MTV is calling My Chemical Romance and Panic! at the Disco Hair Metal’s Second Coming, we have to wonder: Does calling something the new hair metal have the same relationship to arguing about music that bringing up Hitler does to arguing about politics? No offense to MTV’s article, which is pretty good, but does invoking “the new hair metal” automatically invalidate your argument? At least there’s a reason to hate Hitler. All Blackie Lawless ever did was invent the most awesome stage name ever and wear a buzzsaw codpiece. Why is hair metal the worst thing you can compare a genre to?

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A little follow-up from last week for ya. Marilyn Manson’s ironic outing of MCR as pale (pun) imitators struck a nerve with a lot of you, but failed to make an impression on his Costello-loving target. Gerard Way told Rock Sound (via NME):

We still haven’t found someone that has knocked us down that we need to take seriously. If Elvis Costello said we sucked we would think about it a bit but usually it is comments from someone with a new record to promote so the remarks ring hollow.

There you go, Gerard: Get Happy!! Won’t be long before the Onion‘s “Marilyn Manson Now Going Door-To-Door Trying To Shock People” piece goes from satire to legitimate news item. (If you haven’t read it, it’s a must.)

Eat Me, Drink Me ain’t just about wanting to make a romance of Evan; it’s also about wanting to take down My Chemical Romance! And you can tell Marilyn’s pissed at Gerard ’cause he says “fuck” a lot. Via NME:

In an interview with The London Paper he revealed that the song ‘Mutilation Is The Most Sincere Form Of Flattery’, from his new album ‘Eat Me, Drink Me’, is about Gerard Way’s outfit. It features the blunt lyrics, “Fuck you, fuck you”.

He elaborated on his attack on the band, saying, “I’m embarrassed to be me because these people are doing a really sad, pitiful, shallow version of what I’ve done.

“If they want to identify with me then here’s a razor blade. Call me when you’re done and we’ll talk.”

In related news, Alice Cooper and David Bowie read this story and laughed.

TMZ reports that the Black Parade got a little browner and a little runnier recently, after My Chemical Romance and Muse contracted salmonella food poisoning at Glenn Gormley’s Green Leaf Cafe (not sure Glenn’s name is in the title of the restaurant, but that’s how it’s been reported, and we think Matt Bellamy would want it this way) near William & Mary in VA — giving the bands wild bouts of diarrhea and forcing them to cancel stops on their tour.

Impressively, Muse and MCR fans sussed out the bands’ condition for cancellation AND the establishment responsible, and proceeded in a civilized manner: They delivered a series of threats on Glenn Gormley’s diarrhea-dispensing life. That shit is bananas! Actually, that shit merits legal protection, Glenn. Get on that.

And the countdown is on to see how long it takes for some emo fan, somehow, to twist this into a report that Matt Bellamy will produce the next MCR record. Wouldn’t be the first time.

Belleville’s biggest Queen fans take a break from Samuel Bayer and put their power ballad “I Don’t Love You” in the hands of director Marc Webb. His slick clip’s got falling leaves, exploding guitars, and a freaky, bug-eyed android lady. Not bad. But, Gerard, would it kill you to show some emotion?

Watching this fiery clip, all we’re thinking is: At this point, those marching band outfits they wear onstage must smell like worse than Big Foot’s dick. Rolling Stone’s Austin Scaggs is on the case:

GERARD WAY: It’s the weirdest thing. They don’t! We sweat all over them, but they don’t retain the sweat or stain from the sweat. There have been times we went two weeks straight in them, and they didn’t smell.

Yeah right. Who knew emo could deteriorate olfaction? You know you smell like shit. Own it, Way.