Lupe Ontiveros: Maid To Order

On Sunday night Cara came over to watch Desperate Housewives (shut up, you watch it too) with me and EJ. And I kept thinking the Juanita Solis character looked familiar. Lo and behold, I’ve seen her in plenty of flims! Check out Lupe Ontiveros’ resume.

  • Storytelling (2001) … as the maid
  • As Good as It Gets (1997) … as the maid
  • Universal Soldier (1992) … as the maid
  • The Goonies (1985) … as the maid
  • California Suite (1978) … as the maid
  • The Big Fix (1978) … as the maid
  • The World’s Greatest Lover (1977) … as whore #2

I’m glad this actress has finally graduated from playing the maid. According to IMDB, Lupe estimates she’s been typecast as the maid in at least 150 films or plays.

As Rosalita The Maid in The Goonies she shared a lot of her screen time with Corey Feldman. Here’s my favorite Lupe Ontiveros scene of all time (spoiler alert, as if you haven’t seen it).

PERKINS: Walsh. You’re looking at the richest people in Astoria. Now sign it.
DATA: I’m sure gonna miss being a Goonie.
As Mr. Walsh is about to sign the papers Rosilita pulls Mikey’s marble bag out of his jacket. She looks inside and gasps.
ROSALITA: (spanish)
BRANDON: What’s she saying, Mouth? What’s she saying?
MOUTH: No ? no pen ? no write ?
ROSALITA: (spanish)
MOUTH: No sign! No sign!
He grabs the pen from Mr. Walsh
PERKINS: How dare you ?
MOUTH: No sign!
ROSALITA: (spanish)
BRANDON: What’s in the bag?
Rosilita runs over and dumps the contents of the bag into Mrs. Walsh’s hand: rubies, emeralds, and diamonds.
MIKEY: Dad! Dad, it’s my marble bag. The Fratellis forgot to check it. See, I emptied the marbles out and I put the jewels in. We don’t have to leave the Goondocks.
Mr. Walsh tears up the papers.
MR. WALSH: Oh, they’ll be no more signing today or ever again.
Everyone cheers.


Incidentally, have you ever seen the music video for Cyndi Lauper’s “Goonies ‘R’ Good Enough”? An all-star cast of actors, wrestlers, and hibachi chefs makes it a must-see. I don’t have that Cyndi MP3 to share at the moment, but you can try to track it down along with New Found Glory’s cover. The mallpunk band does the theme to The Karate Kid on the same EP: New Found Glory – “The Glory Of Love”

Also, did you know Sloth died of steroid abuse? They should use that as one of those stupid HOLLYWOOD FUN FACTS theaters show before movies. Maybe they will tonight when I see Sideways.

UPDATE: Thanks Chris for the MP3: Cyndi Lauper – “Goonies ‘R’ Good Enough.” My coworker once took me to Cyndi Lauper’s apartment on the Upper West Side. She never showed, but her husband ordered us spaghetti and I played basketball with their little boy Declan (I let him win). He’s named after Elvis Costello (née Declan MacManus).