Shut Up, Dude: This Week’s Best And Worst Comments

It’s Friday afternoon, and that means it’s time to take a look at all the wonderful and terrible comments that have been posted on Stereogum over the past week. Today’s edition of Shut Up, Dude is particularly meta, as both the highest and lowest rated comments come from last week’s edition of Shut Up, Dude. It’s like Mr. Show’s Pre-Taped Call-In Show around here, or something. Congratulations to all our winners and losers.

THIS WEEK’S 10 HIGHEST RATED COMMENTS

#10 micahrophone | May 29th Score:20

yeah, that old hormone replacement therapy trick. works every time.

Posted in: Against Me! Singer Plays First Gig As A Woman
#9

Trevor Ikrath | May 30th Score:21

I’m really looking forward to Glover’s new mixtape, “Watch Me Get Shown Up by Everyone I Share a Track With”

Posted in: Childish Gambino – “Silk Pillow” (Feat. Beck)
#8 Slothdrop | May 31st Score:23

I don’t really get ranking things in list form but if there was any song that was deserving of the title of best song of the 00?s it would probably be Hey Ya.

(And that M.I.A. song is also really great.)

Posted in: NME’s 100 Best Tracks Of The ’00s
#7 LeMonjello | May 25th Score:23

Isn’t Matt Berninger already in Game of Thrones?

Posted in: The National – “The Rains Of Castamere”
#6 Dr. Feelgood | May 31st Score:24

A sly declaration of new classic status slipped in with some old, safe ones. Very PUSSY.

Posted in: NME’s 100 Best Tracks Of The ’00s
#5 raptor jesus | May 31st Score:30

Wolf Parade — “I’ll Believe In Anything”

Not surprised it’s not on this list but it deserves to be in this thread.

Posted in: NME’s 100 Best Tracks Of The ’00s
#4 raptor jesus | May 26th Score:31

Earlier this year our 4th grade teacher assigned the class a project. We had to craft something ourselves and then present it to the whole class.

Michael_, being the good student, was first to present. His project was a VOLCANO! So Cool! You could tell that he had spent a lot of time on it. It was really detailed, a wide array of colors made the volcano look rugged. There was even grassy vegetation at the base of the volcano. But that wasn’t even the best part. He had concocted a colorful mixture of baking soda, vinegar and red food dye that looked just like lava! It spilled out the top of the volcano and even spilled out on Bailey’s shoes in the front row of the class. Everyone was shouting and laughing. It was a fun day in school! Michael_ got an ‘A’ for his project.

The following week it was my turn to present. I had put off the project all year because I’m a lazy student. After seeing Michael_’s volcano and the reaction the class gave his project, I figured I’d just build a volcano too. Class was about to start and I was still coloring in my small volcano with brown sharpie leading up to my presentation. My mom didn’t have any baking soda in stock so I didn’t have any way to make lava pour out of mine. Thankfully, the science teacher let me use a piece of dry ice that I could pop in the top and then have vapor roll down the mountain. It was pretty neat. I got a ‘B’ for my project, so, not bad!

If only that was the end of the story.

A few days later I came into class and saw Michael_ yelling at the teacher saying, “Do you realize how much of a mess I made at my house testing out my baking soda and vinegar mixture?!” As I listened on, I realized he was upset because he thought my volcano was inferior to his and that its existence degraded the quality of his volcano. He demanded that his volcano be obliterated. The teacher did not want to destroy it. She wanted future students to marvel at Michael_’s volcano.

Michael_ wasn’t having it. He waltzed over to the Project Table and started PUNCHING his volcano repeatedly. He picked it up and threw it across the room and hit old thompson in the head! Then he walked right up to me and said, “You Win,” and stormed out of the classroom.

I was shocked. Donny T. came up and shared some comforting words, but I still didn’t know what to make of it all. Was I a thief for stealing his idea? I mean, he got a better grade than me, wasn’t that enough?

School wasn’t the same after that. People were always whispering behind Michael_’s back and he would just flip out and body-slam people and said he was a pro wrestler now. It was weird. Then one day he came to school in a disguise and pretended to be somebody else. He looked like the Hamburglar. I felt like I had caused all of this, and it didn’t feel good.

So I decided to write Micahel_ a story. I posted it on the chalkboard and hoped that maybe if he knew how I felt, it would help.

tl;dr Top that metaphor Jack White.

Posted in: Shut Up, Dude: This Week’s Best and Worst Comments
#3

Michael Hanna | May 28th Score:32

Cher has been playing gigs as a woman for decades.

Posted in: Against Me! Singer Plays First Gig As A Woman
#2

Benas Arvydas Grigas | May 31st Score:35

needs more LCD Soundsystem, All My Friends to be exact

Posted in: NME’s 100 Best Tracks Of The ’00s
#1 MagicUnicornFairy | May 25th Score:40

LIST
1. Max Harrold

Wish granted.

Posted in: Shut Up, Dude: This Week’s Best and Worst Comments

THIS WEEK’S 5 LOWEST RATED COMMENTS

#5 An American Patriot | May 25th Score:-9

GAME OF Thrones is SOME OF the most baddest, OUTRIGHT destruction on TV, BUT IT needs A FUCKIN band that CAN BRING the pain AND THE GAIN (in MELODY). I’m fuckin TALKING ABOUT the dragon GODS that are ABBATH. GET educated:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtsMkF3lqcs

Posted in: The National – “The Rains Of Castamere”
#4

Andrew Schneider | May 31st Score:-13

Apparently 2002-2004 era pop punk did not exist either

Posted in: NME’s 100 Best Tracks Of The ’00s
#3 buzz fledderjohn | May 29th Score:-13

Agreed…I guess it’s just good timing with the new album coming out, eh…

Posted in: Against Me! Singer Plays First Gig As A Woman
#2 Michael_ | May 26th Score:-14

And I’m sorry, but it’s very obvious that I can’t get over something that happened on here well over a month ago regarding a certain guest post. I just cant, even when I had them delete the guest post itself. I don’t think I ever will. That thing meant a ton to me. None of you probably understand it or where I’m coming from. I’m going to be talking about it until I get banned for just being flat out annoying about it or something. It broke my heart and I felt like I got screwed over, and I’ve been trying to pick myself up on here for — what? — like a month now? And I can’t get it done. That whole incident just put me down and made me feel so dejected and discouraged. I can’t find a way to get closure for it. Cue the downvotes. I don’t even care. I’m evil for having a heart or some shit apparently.

Posted in: Shut Up, Dude: This Week’s Best and Worst Comments
#1 Michael_ | May 26th Score:-16

Let Uncle Michael_ give you some pointers, Armando on how you can secure your rise and demise here on the Stereogum comment section:

1) Begin your commenting career as a troll
2) Reveal yourself a few weeks later to be someone who always had good intentions, but were too afraid to be kind out of fear of not being accepted
3) Begin to post well-written, positive-sounding comments. Send tips to [email protected] to boost your credibility with both the readers and writers
4) Stay humble as you climb your way up the Best Comments list ladder
5) Once you realize you are a comment section “denizen,” HAVE A MELTDOWN OVER SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO YOU
6) Lose all respect from Stereogum and commenters
7) Apologize for meltdown
8) Attempt to write well-written, positive-sounding comments, but accept the fact that you were right from the beginning: You will never be accepted
9) Commit suicide, because if a music blog comment section can’t like you and you are posting comments on a Friday night at 12:13am, you obviously have no life or purpose and should just end it all.

Enjoy! Goodbye!

Posted in: Shut Up, Dude: This Week’s Best and Worst Comments

THIS WEEK’S EDITOR’S CHOICE (SCOTT)

zay-j | May 30th Score:0

This video is loosely based on my life. Verrry loosely.

Posted in: El-P – “The Full Retard” Video (NSFW)

THIS WEEK’S EDITOR’S CHOICE (AMRIT)
[Amrit’s out today. Feel better, Amrit!]