Lohan Takes Manhattan

While Stereogum hit the other coast, L. Lo came to the Big Apple and fucked shit UP. So much awesome.

Lindsay’s tired of rumors starting/being followed/people lying. Fortunately, she’s not tired of partying all time Eddie Murphy stizz. Here’s how our favorite teenage drama queen spent last week.

THURSDAY 12/2 Cara texts me: “I’m at Megu, sitting next to Lindsay Lohan and her friends.” I press her for dirt, but all I get is that she looks gaunt and spends much of the night in the bathroom. After sushi, LL & friends hit Marquee and pick up some dude named Clarence Fuller. At 2, the crew takes it to Suede. Dad Michael would been proud. Sadly, he’s been jailed on $1 million bail for driving to his estranged wife’s house, thus violating her protection order. Though in his defense he was drunk.

FRIDAY 12/3 Linds films something at Planet Hollywood and dines at Pastis, where she signs autographs for fans. At the 19th St. Loews she sees Christmas With The Kran… wait, no: she saw that Ché Guevara movie. Can that be right?

SATURDAY 12/4 LL shops, has romantic dinner with Fuller at Vela (according to Star), parties at Marquee, blah blah blah. This is where it gets interesting … Our protagnist loses her purse, and it’s later scooped off the street by a grammar-challenged Providence College alumnus. The young finder requests advice from sorority sistas in a delightfully paranoid pseudo diary entry that quickly makes the Internet rounds. The purse’s contents: LL’s black AMEX, driver’s license, a rolled up $20, and a bag of mysterious white power (anthrax?!). Click below to enlarge e-mail and scans of the cards.

  

SUNDAY 12/5 Lindsay’s quoted in USA Today: “It’s flattering that people want to know so much about me and want to take the time to make up that many things about me.” Awww.

MONDAY 12/6 Early XMas present for Charles Gibson: Lindsay is caught semi-singing, Ashlee-style, on Good Morning America. Casablanca Records spokeswoman Kim Jakwerth goes on the defensive: “Lindsay sang completely live, the band was live and the background singers were live.” Sort of. “…The first song had some background. It’s a little more rock and roll and needed it there. It’s about how you make the song sound exactly like the record.”

TUESDAY 12/7 Pre-teens in plunge halter tops crowd nations’ Wal-Marts on Speak day. Jay-Z/Linkin Park feel the burn. On TRL, a sick Linds complains she’s not feeling so hott. “I’ve just been working a lot but, ya know, it’s all worth it.”

WEDNESDAY 12/8 AP asks the important questions.

AP: When you go to clubs and stuff do you show ID or something?
Lohan: No, you go in the back door.
AP: Why were you in the hospital?
Lohan: Exhaustion. I lost, like, 15 pounds. And when I got out the whole breakup happened and I lost more weight.

Got that? Underfed Linds on breakup diet, not fags & blow diet. v.v. confusing.

THURSDAY 12/9 Conciliatory Tara Reid tells Page Six that Lohan is the wilder of the two.

FRIDAY 12/10: Lohan’s rep denies missing purse story: “It was a card case.”

No longer distracted by all the excitement, Lo-dad takes a private jet to a minimum-security rehab facility in upstate New York. Lo-mom/manager/ex-Rockette Dina wants divorce 28 days later.

Lindsay disrobes for EW. ”What America loves about her,” Dina says in the cover story, ”She’s so real.” Except for the gams, obvs.

Thank Britney it’s only a matter of weeks before childhood friends and married backup dancers are fighting to get a ride on train Lohan. The good news is that the album is not any worse than Ashlee/Britney/Mandy/Hilary/Jimmy(Buffet). Of course, I don’t recommend it to music fans, but if your Mini iPod’s gym mix looks like a NOW tracklist then it’s up your alley. Swedish computers made it, you know how that goes.

Questions for further discussion:

Thanks to everyone who sent tips/gossip last week. I know I have a million e-mails to respond to and a Top 10 List to obsess over.

OBLIGATORY UPDATE:
SATURDAY 12/11 SNL cameo! LL rejects Fred Armisen’s pick-up line (“Hi Lindsay, um, a lot of people on the Internet think I’m gay…”) and sends herself up brilliantly on Weekend Update. Screengrabs here (via Whatevs). Torrent TK