ATTN: Employees – Do Not Buy These Used CDs

It’s hard enough for independent record stores to stay afloat in this economy, and even harder when you’ve got used bins full of unmovable crap that has been collecting dust since the Clinton administration. So it makes sense for shops to have guidelines helping to clarify for employees exactly what music to avoid from patrons hoping to trade in old CDs. Still, it must have been embarrassing for Chicago’s Laurie’s Planet of Sound when their “Do Not Never Ever Buy” list leaked to Twitter, even if it is few years old. (An aside: The double negative there is throwing me — wouldn’t that title actually encourage employees to buy music produced by the artists listed? Or at least allow for the possibility? “Do not never ever buy this music”? Doesn’t that mean, “once in a while you should buy it”? I digress.)

The list is stocked with clearly unsellable detritus. Come on, if you have to be told that Fun Lovin’ Criminals and Big Head Todd albums won’t move, should you really be working in a record store? But it does include a few surprises (Suede — or Svede, as it’s written here — should not be sandwiched between 808 State and the fucking Spin Doctors in any ontology). And, yes, “Lame/Sucky Soundtracks” are a bad buy, but who’s to say what’s lame? Some people really like The Crow soundtrack. I personally can’t stand the thing. Check out the list in full above and add or subtract as you see fit in the comments.