3. Bono is the Devil Thumbtacks

The proprietors of the on-line store Heavy Mental hate Bono, because they think he is a pompous, prancing ponce of a messianic egomaniac with the actual temerity to dress himself as the Easter Bunny. Okay, they didn’t say that verbatim — we extrapolated — but they do say they hate him. That is why they are offering this corkboard that juxtaposes one image of Bono with four other images of the Red Lord of the Underworld. A couple of important questions. 1) Is what Heavy Mental saying about Bono true? Answer: Epistemologically speaking, we cannot know for sure if it’s true or not. Over time many rock stars have been suspected of being the devil, and some have even gone to lengths to promote the suggestion. Don McLean thinks everyone is the fucking devil that didn’t perish the day the music died, but especially Mick Jagger (we think). The point here is that there is no available evidence to overwhelmingly underscore that Bono is Lucifer-incarnate, although “Who’s Going To Ride Your Wild Horses” does suggest the work of a lesser demon. 2) Is this item useful? Answer: Of course it’s useful! Haven’t you ever needed to tack something to something else before you inadvertently lose it or set it on fire? You need this. Get three.