Let’s be honest: how do we live in a universe where MGMT opens for Slayer? Or, the bigger question: how is this band still in existence to begin with? Why do we still need to hear about them? And why are they headlining festivals? I’m going to go ahead and assume this was a smirk on the part of Fun Fun Fun Fest’s organizers. We’re going to lull all the MGMT fans into a false sense of security before Slayer comes out and rips the Earth up from its moorings. I mean, come on, MGMT looks like a bunch of fey hipster elves and the staff dude assigned to guard Slayer’s bus had an eyepatch. An eyepatch! Slayer’s a band comprised of four Balrogs, easy.

Look, Oracular Spectacular came out towards the end of my time in high school. I get it. Some of it. “Kids” and “Electric Feel” were solid pop-leaning indie tracks for their day, but it’s really annoying if you’re at a party now and they come on, right? “Time for Pretend” is still good, and is for better or worse one of the songs of my generation. But MGMT’s performance of it is so limp, so uninterested, it’s like you’re getting whacked upside the head with cynicism in aural form: you know these guys probably resent that there are these three songs that are all anyone cares about them playing, and that these people don’t give a damn about hearing their new forced-weird tracks, because even the people who still think MGMT is brilliant probably realize they suck. Well, actually, I guess I just answered my question: the reason MGMT is still around and we still have to hear about them and they still headline festivals is because you hear attractive women saying things like “When they play ‘Kids,’ I’m going to be like ‘WOOOOO!'”

I was right up in front for the beginning of Slayer, and it was every bit as catastrophic as I’d been promised. Upside down crosses hung above the stage, which within the context of the festival seemed a hilarious slap in the face to all those that’d hung around since Washed Out’s fanciful garden a few hours ago. That vibrating in your head thing from M.I.A.? That happens again with Slayer, only it’s more guttural, more violent. It’s not a dance beat, but the pulverizing march of a double bass drum assault. In a lot of ways, it seems Fun Fun Fun Fest has been building towards this moment. There’s a crowd ranging from fifteen year olds to fifty-five year olds that are all losing it together. A guy in a wheelchair crowdsurfs. I duck away for fifteen minutes to catch a few excellent songs by Jurassic 5, and as well-attended as their set is, there is a gravitational pull back towards the Orange Stage, back towards Slayer. While lingering at the entrance to the grounds as Slayer’s set draws to a close, I realize I need to get back and start writing. As I enter the lobby of my hotel, I can hear the dying strains of “Reign in Blood” echoing out from across the highway.