Check Out The Ridiculous Run The Jewels 2 Deluxe Packages

Because they are upstanding young men who care about your wellbeing, El-P and Killer Mike are offering RTJ2, their second album as Run The Jewels, as a free download, just as they did with last year’s Run The Jewels. But as they did with that album, they’re also offering you plenty of chances to pay money for the album, if you feel like it. There are plenty of different bundled versions of the new album available for preorder, ranging from the $10 WAV/FLAC digital package to a one-of-a-kind $5,000 super duper collectors deluxe edition, which includes four LPs of master discs, both the master and instrumental versions, as well as a rare test pressing, a four-LP teal and rare vinyl version, a CD, a T-shirt, a signed poster, and a vinyl insert poster and sticker sheet. Or at least, the $5,000 version seems to be the most elaborate one that anyone would actually buy. There are some deeply fantastical editions of the album available too.

For example! $75,000 gets you the “I’m On The List, Asshole” package, which gets you and a friend guest list privileges and backstage access for up to 10 Run The Jewels shows: “We will pretend to like you and will introduce you to our friends as our ‘friend’. Run The Jewels requires a half an hour before stage time to not have to deal with you and your fucking yammering in order to do our pre show stretches, vocal warm ups and crying.” Other, more expensive packages include the offer to fly to your city and show up at your kid’s show-and-tell during school, the offer to housesit for you, the offer to re-record the entire album using nothing but cat noises, and the offer to start a private detective agency. It runs all the way up to a $10,000,000 package, for which Run The Jewels offer to “retire from music, making only one song a year for you personally.”

All of these offers are pretty fucking hilarious, and you can order any of them here.