List

The 50 Best Stereogum Comments Of 2014

Stereogum turns 13 years old tomorrow. 13! This corner of the internet is largely unrecognizable from the music blog I started on a lark that New Year’s Day, but in some important ways Stereogum in 2014 was more true to its original ethos than any year in recent memory. All of us here strive to cover notable new music and music news in ways that are informative and/or amusing. This year that meant expanding our coverage of pop and extreme metal and contemporary country. It meant throwing considerable resources into a dozen #longread cover stories we’re really proud of. It meant getting to put some amazing headlines into the world. (I wrote about 7,000 headlines this year and that one was my second favorite.) It meant putting together the most exciting SXSW showcase that never happened. Of course Stereogum would be super boring (more boring?) if it wasn’t interactive: You all give us amazing tips and feedback every day, especially via the comments section that is so often a cesspool of nonsense and hate on other sites. We’re grateful to have such intelligent and attractive readers. So here, after another 365 days of upvoting and downvoting, we present our annual list of the year’s highest rated comments. We have some really exciting things planned for next year — and many albums to look forward to — so now’s the time to get 2014 out of your system. Have a great New Year’s. Parklife!

#50 Zayin | Jul 23rd Score:46

This will easily be the best thing Kid Rock has ever produced.

Posted in: Kid Rock Subpoenaed To Produce Glass Dildo As Evidence In Insane Clown Posse Lawsuit
#49

Rick Sandmann | May 2nd Score:47

Coming later this month: a new Flaming Lips concept EP based on this whole situation. For only $10,000, you can get a chocolate Native American headdress that includes a gummy arrowhead in which the USB drive is contained. Coyne will be personally selling these at all of the hot spots on the Trail of Tears. Features appearances by Ke$ha, Miley Cyrus, and the dog from Wayne’s Instagram picture.

Posted in: Flaming Lips Drummer Says Wayne Coyne Fired Him For Criticizing The Governor’s Daughter’s Native American Headdress
#48 crania americana | Sep 12th Score:47

People are too hard on Grimes. And they should know better not to push anyone named Grimes too far.

Posted in: Grimes Scraps New Album Because “It Sucked”
#47

Ben Cornell | Apr 21st Score:47

“The 10 Best michael_ Rants, Emotional Breakdowns, Promises to Leave Stereogum, Beefs, Apologies, and Personal Attacks.”

I’d read it.

Posted in: The 10 Most Expensive Record Store Day ’14 Flips On Ebay
#45

Kevin Broydrick | Nov 26th Score:47

I don’t know, I kind of get the feeling he created his own prison.

Posted in: Scott Stapp Says He’s Penniless And Under Attack In Video Statement On Creed’s Facebook
#44 c_tho | Sep 23rd Score:48

i don’t think your vote gets counted if you vote outside the box.

Posted in: Tanya Tagaq Wins 2014 Polaris Prize, Says “Fuck PETA”
#43 lukeet | Jul 30th Score:48

Murder is Murder.

Posted in: Morrissey Bodyguard Claims He Was Fired For Refusing To Murder Fansite Admin
#42 catwithglasses | Jan 14th Score:48

Earnestly referring to yourself as a fucking rock star is just douchey. But calling someone a dork with a boring sex life in a music review is also a dick move.

Posted in: Arcade Fire’s Win Butler Has Hilarious Response To Mean Review: “Yeah, I’m A Super-Dork Because I Play With David Bowie”
#41 dn | Oct 14th Score:49

Madonna’s upcoming ‘Ariel Pink: Suck My Cock’ is my early hot tip for Christmas number one.

Posted in: Ariel Pink Dissed By Grimes, Dismissed By Madonna
#40 plb102 | Jun 24th Score:49

Didn’t the guy who suggested “Talking Backwards” get a ton of plus 1?s? Take a hint Stereogum…

Posted in: Vote For The Song Of The Summer 2014
#39 raptor jesus | Nov 6th Score:50

“Taylor Swift has been the subject of a lot of conversation lately.”

Should have hyperlinked “a lot of conversation” to stereogum.com

Posted in: Taylor Swift Discusses Spotify Stance, Swiftamine Sketch
#38 inthedeadofknight | Dec 5th Score:50

“Eddie Vedder always makes it about himself! Now, back to me….”

Posted in: Billy Corgan On Kurt Cobain: “He And I Were The Top Two Scribes, And Everybody Else Was A Distant Third”
#37 michael_ | May 2nd Score:50

Ke$ha, Miley, this Fallin chick — Does anyone else see a trend here with a 53-year-old Wayne Coyne trying to impress girls who are half his age or more with his hippie rock star antics? Maybe he should form a band with Thurston Moore and they can both have a mid-life crisis circle jerk together.

Posted in: Flaming Lips Drummer Says Wayne Coyne Fired Him For Criticizing The Governor’s Daughter’s Native American Headdress
#36 redorchestra | Jun 16th Score:50

Talking Backwards – Real Estate

Posted in: Let’s Shortlist The Song Of The Summer 2014
#35 isaacarms | Oct 28th Score:51

“…maybe when I get home from tour I’ll go to Starbucks and buy your record.”

That is some COLD SHIT.

Posted in: The War On Drugs: Mark Kozelek Is “Such A Douche”
#34 blochead | Oct 9th Score:51

Sometimes when I drink myself blind on a friday night and then am worthless until around 11:00 on a saturday morning I’ll grab a breakfast burrito and a bloody mary and loudly declare “Brunch!” in the middle of my sad and empty living room. And then I stare off into the middle distance……….

What were we talking about ?

Posted in: Julian Casablancas Blasts GQ Writer Who Made Him Seem Anti-Brunch
#33 dansolo | Dec 6th Score:52

Merry Listmas! After Stereogum posted their Top 50 Albums of 2014, many of us decided to share our own personal Top 10s (or more) in the comments section. Being a huge geek and an expert-level procrastinator, I decided to crunch some numbers and figure out which albums were our favorites. In all, I looked at 56 lists and scored over 160 unique albums. Without further ado, here is a very unofficial ranking of our favorite albums of the year.

Methods:
I used the same system that Metacritic uses to aggregate critics’ lists. It assigns three points for a #1 ranking, two points for a #2 ranking, and one point for a #3-#10 ranking. To break ties, I used the total number of votes that an album received (however several pairs of tied albums had the exact same breakdown of rankings and points, so I had to let those stand). In parentheses next to each album are its total score and the number of votes it received. I only listed albums that had at least five points and at least three votes.

Rankings
01. The War on Drugs – Lost in the Dream (66, 34)
02. Run the Jewels – RTJ2 (49, 31)
03. Swans – To Be Kind (29, 17)
04. St. Vincent – St. Vincent (28, 21)
05. Sun Kil Moon – Benji (28, 16)
06. Perfume Genius – Too Bright (22, 19)
07. Spoon – They Want My Soul (21, 18)
08. FKA twigs – LP1 (19, 14)
09. Ariel Pink – pom pom (19, 12)
10. Sharon Van Etten – Are We There (14, 10)
11. Flying Lotus – You’re Dead! (13, 11)
12. Mac Demarco – Salad Days (13, 10)
13. Real Estate – Atlas (12, 11)
14. Aphex Twin – Syro (11, 11)
15. Parquet Courts – Sunbathing Animal (11, 9)
16. Angel Olsen – Burn Your Fire for No Witness (9, 8)
17. Cymbals Eat Guitars – LOSE (9, 5)
18. Antlers – Familiars (8, 6)
19. Freddie Gibbs & Madlib – Piñata (8, 5)
20. Caribou – Our Love (8, 4)
21. Future Islands – Singles (7, 7)
21. How to Dress Well – “What is this Heart?” (7, 7)
23. YOB – Clearing the Path to Ascend (7, 3)
24. Wild Beasts – Present Tense (6, 6)
25. Hiss Golden Messenger – Lateness of Dancers (6, 5)
25. Lana Del Rey – Ultraviolence (6, 5)
25. Todd Terje – It’s Album Time! (6, 5)
28. Beck – Morning Phase (6, 4)
28. Liars – Mess (6, 4)
30. Alvvays – Alvvays (6, 3)
31. Cloud Nothings – Here and Nowhere Else (5, 5)
32. Against Me! – Transgender Dysphoria Blues (5, 4)
32. Amen Dunes – Love (5, 4)
34. The New Pornographers – Brill Bruisers (5, 3)

Posted in: Shut Up, Dude: This Week’s Best And Worst Comments
#32

Matthew Marvin Lingo | Sep 15th Score:52

I’m pretty sure that this is the ULTIMATE first world problem. The hassle of getting a free U2 album on your power phone or your computer which you are the owner of. #thestruggle

Posted in: Apple Launches U2 Removal Website
#31

Nick Cain | Jun 16th Score:52

Can’t Do Without You – Caribou

Posted in: Let’s Shortlist The Song Of The Summer 2014
#30 Scott Lapatine | Feb 18th Score:52

Congrats, you’re banned.

Posted in: High Anxiety: Behind The Scenes Of Fucked Up’s Fourth Album
#29

Corey Minagh | Jan 2nd Score:52

Like shooting Phish in a barrel.

…..I’ll get my coat.

Posted in: Hundreds Of Phish Fans Busted For Drugs At MSG
#28 Scott Lapatine | Oct 20th Score:54

Waiting for Casablancas to weigh in.

Posted in: Taylor Swift – “Welcome To New York”
#27 eighteenk | Oct 14th Score:54

A woman was criticized in any way, shape, or form? MISOGYNY

Posted in: Ariel Pink Dissed By Grimes, Dismissed By Madonna
#26

Marc Schroeder | Jun 4th Score:54

How many middle-adged dudes have made statements that include the words “…and that’s the problem with the younger generation…” while listening to The Eagles? They’re like the official band of “get off my lawn” fist-shakers everywhere.

Posted in: Don Henley’s Still Pissed At Frank Ocean, And Okkervil River, Too
#25 frog oracle | Jun 4th Score:54

Trying to imagine a future in which I’m rich and old, younger people are interested in something I made and I get angry about it.

Posted in: Don Henley’s Still Pissed At Frank Ocean, And Okkervil River, Too
#24

Erik Lund | Aug 29th Score:54

Actually, judging from this pic, if you do the math, it’s Riff with the super huge face.

Posted in: Riff Raff To Sam Smith: “Your Face Is Super Huge”
#23

Mike Durkin | Jun 16th Score:54

Len- Steal My Sunshine

Posted in: Let’s Shortlist The Song Of The Summer 2014
#22 florez | Nov 5th Score:56

PARKLIFE!

Posted in: Yelling “Parklife!” At Russell Brand Is A Thing Now
#21

Nicholas Nissen | Sep 9th Score:56

“5 out of 5 Stars, Album of the Year!” – Rolling Stone, probably

Posted in: U2 Release Free Album Songs Of Innocence And Debut “The Miracle (Of Joey Ramone)” At Apple Event
#20

Michael Robenalt | Jan 27th Score:56

I think this is great, Stereogum comments could use a little humility

Posted in: Read Macklemore’s Apology Text To Kendrick Lamar For Winning Best Rap Album Grammy
#19 raptor jesus | Oct 28th Score:57

Am I the only one that thinks the worst part is that The Koz said War on Drugs could back him up on “Dogs”

FUCKING DOGS?!?! That’s another veiled insult. “You back me up on my song dissing you, and one of mine about eating pussy. Deal?”

What a chode.

Posted in: The War On Drugs: Mark Kozelek Is “Such A Douche”
#18 shuffles | Jul 23rd Score:58

People who live with glass dildos shouldn’t throw Kid Rocks.

Posted in: Kid Rock Subpoenaed To Produce Glass Dildo As Evidence In Insane Clown Posse Lawsuit
#17 redfacebageyes | Jun 16th Score:59

The War on Drugs – Red Eyes

Posted in: Let’s Shortlist The Song Of The Summer 2014
#16

Craig Freeman | Jan 27th Score:59

Except for the fact that you aren’t showing humility/being humble when you post your own apology to social media. If Kendrick had posted it that’s one thing, but for Macklemore to post it? Sorry, that’s just begging to be patted on the back and told how great you are. Again.

Oh, and as for rap needing a little humility, that comment just demonstrates a complete lack of understanding for the art form.

Posted in: Read Macklemore’s Apology Text To Kendrick Lamar For Winning Best Rap Album Grammy
#15 catch22 | Oct 27th Score:60

Headline says “Premature Evaluation: Taylor Swift 1989?, but all I read is “RTJ2 AOTW”

Posted in: Premature Evaluation: Taylor Swift 1989
#13 LeMonjello | Oct 28th Score:61

Remind me to never visit northeast Ohio.

Posted in: The War On Drugs: Mark Kozelek Is “Such A Douche”
#12 LeMonjello | Jul 14th Score:61

Glad the allegations turned out to be false, but incredibly sad and frustrating that the allegations were made at all, what a destructive force for actual victims of rape.

Posted in: Conor Oberst Rape Accuser Admits She Lied
#11 dn | Oct 29th Score:61

You could probably soundtrack a full episode of the Big Bang Theory with all that forced laughter.

Posted in: Mark Kozelek Responds To The War On Drugs With “Adam Granofsky Blues”
#9 peet | Oct 7th Score:66

My reaction listening to this song

I kind of got the impression that Kozelek was just dicking around and the War on Drugs/Granduciel are probably silent not because they’re trying to be “the bigger man” but because it’s really not a big deal at all.

Posted in: Sun Kil Moon – “War On Drugs: Suck My Cock”
#8

Jorge Suzarte | Oct 27th Score:70

So Stereogum decided this is not the Album of the Week….

Posted in: Premature Evaluation: Taylor Swift 1989
#7 frog oracle | Oct 14th Score:70

There was a secret summit last June that was attended by slightly more than 310 indie musicians and bloggers, and at this secret summit, a devilish scheme was hatched. Roughly half of the musicians were designated team Troll and the other half were designated team Anti-Troll. Team Troll’s mission is to make offensive comments that generate content for the blogosphere. Ariel Pink, Mark Kozelek and Julian Casablancas are obviously members of team Troll. Team Anti-Troll’s mission is to accuse team Troll of bigotry in a way that also generates content for the blogosphere. Grimes and Meredith Graves are, of course, members of team Anti-Troll.

FAQ

How do I know this?

I was there.

What do the participating musicians get out of this?

Money. It’s all about those Internet advertising dollars.

Why hasn’t anybody revealed this until now? I believe that music bloggers will do anything for a buck, but surely not every indie artist is so cynical.

That’s true. There were people who would not participate. Non-conformers like Adam Granduciel had their memories erased by [REDACTED]. (It was revealed at the summit that [REDACTED] has reptilian DNA that gives him uncanny powers of hypnotism.)

Posted in: Ariel Pink Dissed By Grimes, Dismissed By Madonna
#6 crania americana | Oct 14th Score:70

What the fuck is wrong with people like you? I swear, in Stereogum thread about a woman some fucking idiot comes out of the woodwork and offers their opinion on whether or not they would fuck them. It’s deplorable shit, and I can’t believe there are people out there who think otherwise. And it’s especially fucked up to do so in this thread, where the person in question is making allegations of sexual assault. I know you probably think you’re so edgy and hilarious right now, but you’re not –– you are a sad piece of shit who represents everything wrong with the culture of internet commenters. If anyone wants to see what misogyny looks like, it’s right fucking here! THIS IS TEXTBOOK MISOGYNY. And people that propagate this type of bullshit should be banned, no questions asked. Like I said, this shit happens all the time in these threads, but I’m just going to heap my vitriol on you so I can go about my life and not spend hours a day hacking away at every dipshit anonymous sexist that thinks readers of an indie music website want to have to see this garbage. So fuck you, and fuck everyone like you. (Here’s an article for all of you cretins to read if you’re not convinced by my rant. Still not convinced? Well, fuck it, I tried. http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2014/10/the-unsafety-net-how-social-media-turned-against-women/381261/)

Posted in: Kesha Suing Dr. Luke For Sexual Assault And Emotional Abuse, Dr. Luke Countersuing For Extortion
#5 jdg46 | Oct 27th Score:78

Posted in: Premature Evaluation: Taylor Swift 1989
#4 Tom Breihan | Aug 29th Score:78

You have to adjust for distance. Sam Smith is sitting one mile away from the camera.

Posted in: Riff Raff To Sam Smith: “Your Face Is Super Huge”
#2 crania americana | Jul 2nd Score:91

Seems like all the greats break up via napkin announcement. There’s Death Grips, my seventh grade girlfriend and I, uh… well that’s about it, but still, it’s a powerful medium.

Posted in: Death Grips Break Up
#1

Nick Osborne | Jun 16th Score:108

Seasons (Waiting on You) – Future Islands

Posted in: Let’s Shortlist The Song Of The Summer 2014