Hey, it’s over! We made it through! Sam Smith won everything! Iggy Azalea didn’t win anything! Beck busted through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man! Kanye, for a glorious split second, threatened to turn this into an interesting show! And amid all the drama, there were so, so many performances. Almost everyone brought an orchestra, or a gospel choir, or an orchestra and a gospel choir, and most of them had Very Serious Things to say about something or other. Precious few people seemed to be having fun on the Grammys stage, and only a select few seized their moment. We’ve got the definitive subjective rankings of last night’s Grammys telecast performances, not counting weird things like LL Cool J rapping a couple of bars of “Going Back To Cali” or that commercial break that Target, for no good reason, dedicated to an Imagine Dragons performance. Click through the slideshow to see the list.