It’s All Right, What We Thought Was An Abandoned Baby Is Just A Bag Of Snakes

“It is better,” said an onlooker. “Right. I mean. The thought of someone abandoning their baby in a dumpster is just horrible. It’s crazy how often you hear things like that on the news — sometimes I feel like they should call it the bad news, hah,” said another. “Yeah, seriously, the thought of that makes me absolutely sick. We’re really lucky that when they checked the dumpster there wasn’t an abandoned baby in there. Humanity was really lucky that there wasn’t.” “Yeah. I am grateful. That would just be so heartbreaking. I don’t know that I could stand something like that. Like, I’m not sure how policemen and fireman or whoever deal with heartbreaking things like that. I guess you have to adjust internally to think that the good you’re doing makes the pain worth it, but jeeze. You’d have to be a strong person.” “Yeah. So. We’re lucky.” “Right. We’re lucky. And the baby that it could have been is lucky.” “Yeah. Phew.” “Thank god.” “Thank god.” — “A FUCKING BAG OF SNAKES, THOUGH?!” “SERIOUSLY, DUDE! WHAT THE FUCK!” [Scene.]

Worst best surprise ever. (Best worst introduction to a story ever.) (Via Arbroath.)