Mark Wahlberg Will Host The 2014 Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards, Obviously

The question that was on every kid’s fruit punch-tinted, cold weather-chapped lips ahead of the announcement of this year’s Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards host was, of course, “How is the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice committee ever going to top last year’s spot-on host: heartthrob and role model Josh Duhamel?” That’s part of the beauty and heartbreak that comes with being a kid. You’re free to intensely and blindly enjoy certain moments, without having the foresight to understand that NEXT YEAR’S HOST OF THE KIDS’ CHOICE AWARDS WILL BE EVEN BETTER AND MORE APPROPRIATE! From the Hollywood Reporter:

“We are thrilled to welcome a superstar like Mark Wahlberg as he takes the helm as our master of ceremonies at the biggest kid event of the year,” said Russell Hicks, Nickelodeon’s president of content development and production. “We can’t wait for him to host and have lots of slime-filled fun with Hollywood’s biggest stars and our audience.”

Mr. Hicks continued, “From the moment he cut off the dog’s head in Fear, through his work as porn star Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights, all the way to his recent portrayal of Marcus Luttrell and the failed Operation Red Wings mission in Lone Survivor, children have enjoyed watching Mark Wahlberg work and his career progress. They are very happy with both his acting and producing credits as of late. Kids think he’s really doing a tremendous job and, if they can be candid, they cannot wait for the Entourage movie.” Oh, kids. I’m too old to really get you, but I do enjoy your unbridled excitement! #slimemarkwahlberg