The 2014 Golden Globe Awards

Another Golden Globes come and gone, another party very much had, another bunch of celebrities given the honor of a drunken pat on the back by whoever makes up the Hollywood Foreign Press Association after stumbling their way through an overcrowded hotel ballroom. Truly, it is an #honor just to be stumbled over. For a meaningless award ceremony honoring a bunch of highly-paid pretenders and child molesters that is twice as long as it should be, though, it wasn’t the worst! Tiny and Amy did not disappoint! The pair’s opening monologue, which you can watch after the jump, if you’d like to, was funny and biting without the feeling like it was grasping for edginess, no duh. They are the best! Tiny Fey referenced Taylor Swift’s quote about there being a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women, which was perfect. Amy Poheler as Tina Fey’s son was very enjoyable. George Clooney joke. Leonardo DiCaprio joke. A+. There were some award surprises (even for those of us who feel like we know the HFPA very well jk) — 12 Years a Slave took home the award for best drama, but didn’t win anything else all night. American Hustle won three awards, even though that movie is not great. Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Andy Samberg won for best comedic series and best actor in a comedic series! Which should, at least, ensure us another season of the wonderful Brooklyn Nine-Nine! Aaron Paul did not win his category, and for whatever reason Jon Voight did not shout “YEAH, BITCH” when he won. Jacqueline Bisset should have stayed up there all night, as far as I’m concerned. Leonardo DiCaprio said “Philomania.” Diane Keaton sang a song. Literally no one in Hollywood can either operate a teleprompter or read from one. Blah, blah, blah. We get it. Want to get more of it? Like I said, Tiny and Amy’s opening monologue is after the jump, plus there are a few award winner speeches, plus a list of winners. Also there’s the photo gallery. Okay? ENJOY THEM, IF YOU’D LIKE TO!

Tina and Amy’s Opening Monologue (Part 1)

Tina and Amy’s Opening Monologue (Part 2)

Breaking Bad wins “Best TV Series”

Amy Poehler wins “Best Actress in a Comedy TV Series”

Andy Samberg wins “Best Actor in a Comedy TV Series”


Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical: Amy Adams, American Hustle

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical: Leonardo DiCaprio, The Wolf of Wall Street

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama: Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama: Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club

Best Supporting Actress, Motion Picture: Jennifer Lawrence, American Hustle

Best Supporting Actor, Motion Picture: Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club

Best Director, Motion Picture: Alfonso Cuarón, Gravity

Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy: American Hustle

Best Motion Picture, Drama: 12 Years a Slave

Best Original Score, Motion Picture: Alex Ebert, All Is Lost

Best Original Song, Motion Picture: U2, “Ordinary Love,” Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

Best Screenplay, Motion Picture: Spike Jonze, Her

Best Animated Feature Film: Frozen


Best Actress, TV Series, Comedy or Musical: Amy Poehler, Parks & Recreation

Best Actor in a TV Series, Comedy or Musical: Andy Samberg, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Best Actress in a TV Series, Drama: Robin Wright, House of Cards

Best Actor in a TV Series, Drama: Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad

Best TV Series, Drama: Breaking Bad

Best TV Series, Comedy: Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Best TV Mini-Series or Movie: Behind the Candelabra

Best Actress, TV Movie or Miniseries: Elisabeth Moss, Top of the Lake

Best Actor, TV Miniseries or Movie: Michael Douglas, Behind the Candelabra

Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series, Miniseries, Motion Picture Made for Television: Jon Voight, Ray Donovan

Best Supporting Actress in a TV Series, Miniseries, Motion Picture Made for Television: Jacqueline Bisset, Dancing on the Edge